Chapter 32

• Later that night, when Ethan and I had gone to bed, I lay there in the dark, my heart beating a little too fast and my thoughts racing. I was feeling really anxious again, like something wasn't quite right, even though I couldn't explain exactly what it was. No sound or motion outside to warn me. Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. I could not get to sleep, though, however many times I turned over or attempted to control my breathing. My body was restless, my mind more so, and the harder I tried to sleep, the more elusive it was.
• I was not aware of what was happening to me. I did not know why my body was tingling as though it was getting ready to do something, or why my instincts were on alert. Perhaps it was the pressure, the grief, the shock, or simply all that we had been going through recently. But sleep was not coming, and the room was too small. I had to move. So, having lain there an hour or so, I slipped out of bed, without disturbing Ethan, and went downstairs.
• I went to the kitchen, hoping that a drink would calm me down. Perhaps a cup of hot tea or a glass of cold water would calm me down enough to go back to bed. When I entered the kitchen, I did not even switch on the lights. The dim moonlight, which crept in at the window, was sufficient to direct me.