Chapter 124

• Haven sat at the edge of his bed, his hands resting on his knees, shoulders dropped. The air felt thick, choking indeed, in spite of the fact that the window was open, allowing a cool autumn time breeze to float in. He couldn’t elude the space that clung to the room, a space that had grown since Vanessa left. He rubbed his face once again, at that point letting his palms drop to his thighs. His breath moderated as he gazed over the room at the surrounded photos on his dresser. The one on the far left was of him and Vanessa, smiling wide underneath a setting sun, her head leaning delicately against his shoulder. They looked perfect, but flawlessness was a lie. The issue with memories, Haven thought intensely, was that they never remained buried. The harder he tried to stop thinking about Vanessa, the more her closeness clung to the calm moments, like now. He tilted his head back and breathed out, observing the ceiling as if some kind of reply were carved into the white mortar.
• “She’s gone, man. It’s over,” he whispered to himself. But the words sounded empty. His mind betrayed him, pulling him back into the picture of her smile, the way her lips twisted when she was interested in something he said. It continuously took him by surprise how she could smile like that after a contention, like nothing in the world could really get to her. That used to muze him, and now, he missed it more than anything.
• He kicked off his shoes and lay back on the bed, collapsing his arms under his head. The pillow moaned underneath his weight, and the springs jabbed at his back. The room felt huge. He wanted to reach for his phone on the nightstand but stopped himself. There was no point in calling. No point in texting. She wouldn’t reply. And even if she did, what would he say? He closed his eyes firmly. Possibly if he could rest, the hurt in his chest was gloomy for a while. But rest never comes effortlessly these days.