Chapter 55

• I was pacing back and forth—waiting for him to show up—as I held tight on the pregnancy test. Almost two weeks had passed since I found out about it. I did not know what to do; all I knew was. . . I must tell him about our baby. My hands were clammy, the plastic test almost slipping from my grip, but I refused to let go. My mind raced with endless “what ifs”—what if he didn’t want the baby, what if he rejected me, what if the timing was wrong? Each possibility made my chest tighten, a physical weight pressing down on my ribs.
• It's been two hours since I got here to the lobby of his condo. As soon as I landed at the airport, I asked the taxi to send me here. I want to go up to his unit, but I am afraid of his reaction. I know he's mad at me, and it might trigger him to be impulsive. If I show up here in the lobby, he can still control because there are people around. I kept glancing at the revolving doors, imagining him coming through any moment. My pulse quickened every time someone entered, and my stomach twisted with anxiety and anticipation. I kept adjusting the hem of my shirt, taking deep breaths, trying to calm the storm in my chest.
• I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. I avoided thinking about anything for fear that my child might be affected. I sat on the couch for a while to rest. Right after that, I finally saw him walking. My eyes locked on him immediately, and a strange mix of longing and fear surged through me. He looked taller, more imposing than I remembered, his presence filling the room even without noticing me. Every step he took seemed deliberate, measured, yet unaware of the emotional tempest building around him.