Chapter 33

• I was staring at my door for almost five minutes. The seconds dragged on like hours, each tick of the clock amplifying the storm inside me. I repeated what Mommy said several times in my mind before she went out. Her words echoed like a mantra, but they didn’t soothe me; they only reminded me of the weight I carried. I don’t know if I should go out or just stay in my room. Every instinct screamed to hide, to avoid the confrontation, yet another part of me—a weaker, guilt-ridden part—knew that hiding wouldn’t erase what I had done. But I thought, the woman is innocent in everything. If anyone can be called a victim of what is happening, it is her. The thought made me tremble, the ache in my chest intensifying with each heartbeat.
• I have no idea why she is here. Is it to threaten me? To make me look even more ashamed of what I did? The questions circled in my head, torturing me with every passing second. I imagined her judging me, despising me for being the reason she and her family might have felt pain. My stomach churned with guilt and fear, a heavy, gnawing sensation that left me almost dizzy.
• I took a deep breath and composed myself for a moment. Maybe I have to finish the mess I made; I have to apologize. My hands shook slightly as I adjusted my clothes, trying to force a semblance of dignity. After being satisfied with my appearance, I slowly moved to go out. Every step I take seems to squeeze my heart with the fact that I really made a mistake. The closer I get, the heavier my chest feels, as though the floor itself is pressing down on me, reminding me of the consequences of my actions.