Chapter 32

• "Hija? My dear? Are you okay?" I don't know how many times Manang asked it from outside my door. Each time her voice filtered through the cracked door, it seemed to pierce deeper into my already fragile mind. I could hear the concern, the patience in her tone, but I felt unable to respond. Every syllable felt like a reminder of my own failures, my shame, the chaos I had brought not only into my life but into the lives of those I cared about.
• Even though I don't want to ignore her, I don't have the strength to answer or show my face to anyone. I feel like I'm dirty. The images of my encounter with Agustine, the scandal, and the hospital scene replayed relentlessly in my mind, taunting me with every beat of my heart. Yes, it's my fault that Agustine punished me, it's my fault of what happened to both of us. I berated myself for being reckless, for being impulsive, for letting my emotions take control. But I never thought I would get into a situation where I would be attached. My chest ached in a way I had never felt before, a hollow, twisting pain that made breathing feel like a chore. I wanted to blame him, but I know I'm at fault too. I did not ask anything about his relationship status, my ignorance now feeling like a cruel trap I had willingly stepped into.
• I laughed and leaned on the edge of my bed, a hollow, dry sound that only made my chest hurt more. I sat on the floor hugging my own legs, feeling smaller, weaker, more insignificant than ever before. My tears don't stop flowing, as if they were a dam releasing all the anguish, guilt, and confusion I had bottled up inside. I replayed everything over and over in my head. From the time we met until what happened earlier, every interaction, every smile, every touch now felt laden with consequences I had never anticipated.