Chapter 15

• "Ms. Dagsinal."
• I heaved out a deep breath. I can't count how many times he has called me since we entered his newly built office; made him coffee, stapled papers, photocopied, and more. Each task felt simultaneously routine and electric, as though performing these minor errands carried a silent weight that only I could feel. Every time our hands brushed while passing papers, a strange tension would surge through me, making my pulse quicken without reason. Why did I even pursue architecture if I would only become a servant in the end too? Tsk! On the other hand, I felt relieved. I was more satisfied with his gradual order than with the miraculous change in his attitude. In this way, I know why he is torturing me—though it's really not that hard—because of what I did to him. But the way he treated me with such kindness, that’s what is difficult to decode.
• Yes, it's weird. But I am more comfortable with this. When he's nice or doesn't get annoy with me, I felt like I'm having a shortage in air. Every beat of my heart is getting fast and it felt like I was about to lose my organs in my stomach whenever he treated me differently. It's kind of... scary. I caught myself stealing glances at him when he wasn’t looking, noticing how the light hit his sharp jawline, or how the slightest movement of his fingers seemed deliberate and controlled. It made me simultaneously terrified and fascinated, as if I were standing too close to fire, knowing I could get burned but unable to step away.