Chapter 8 Impulse And Desires

• “It is best if you refrain from addressing me as such when we are not in the safety and privacy of our room.”
• Diana could almost swear that she was nearing combustion when immense heat suddenly consumed her entire being. Her neck and entire face felt as though they were burning, just as carnal desire stirred at her lower belly. The beating of her heart was suddenly so loud and hard that she could almost hear it in her ears.
• There was a subtle shift in her vision, and Diana could only guess that her eye color had changed, much like Alistair’s.
• Alistair’s breathing became even more labored, and Diana found hers in the same state.
• “Alistair,” she called out in a whisper.
• It was a mistake, because it snapped the last vestiges of rationality and control that Alistair had over his impulses and desires.
• He walked over to Diana in just a few large strides, took her books away from her, and tossed them carelessly on a nearby leather armchair.
• “Wha-! Hey!”
• One of Alistair’s hands cupped Diana’s cheek, while his other hand went to her waist and pulled her closer to him. Then he leaned in, bringing his face closer to hers, and their lips met in a sudden kiss.
• It all happened faster than Diana could blink.
• ‘Shit. This isn’t right. We shouldn’t be doing this.’
• But all her logical thoughts petered out into nothing when Alistair’s warm hand on her waist went to her lower back and ran soothing circles that sent a burning desire to course through Diana’s veins.
• ‘Damn it.’
• Caution was thrown out of the window.
• Alistair was just so gentle with her, and it didn’t help her case when the way he held her screamed nothing but warmth and safety. It was as if she was being soothed into believing that it was okay.
• So Diana gave in like a house of cards. She began to reciprocate the kiss, and the moment Alistair’s lips glided along Diana’s lower lip, she was already clinging to him, her arms slithered around his neck. The sensual manner of such a minute motion of his tongue caused her entire legs to lose all their strength. It was quite pathetic, in her opinion at least, that her knees buckled under her weight right after.
• But Alistair was quick to steady her. Both of his hands rested on her hips, bringing her body to press against his. And just as his lips traveled to her cheek and then to her jaw to pepper featherlight kisses and nips, his hands wandered lower and hoisted her up.
• Diana instinctively wrapped her legs around Alistair’s hips, and her hold around his shoulders tightened.
• “Alistair,” she said faintly.
• It was soon followed by a loud moan as she unconsciously craned her neck to allow Alistair to explore and taste more of her skin.
• But then he went back for her lips, his kiss much more searing. It was as if he was on a mission to steal her breath and make it his.
• Slowly, Alistair moved towards the nearby armchair without ceasing his task of devouring Diana. Then he sat her down on the chair’s backrest and resumed putting attention to her neck. He licked a stripe on her skin, sending a bolt of pleasure through her spine.
• “Alpha…”
• “I’m here, Diana,” Alistair murmured tenderly.
• “Alpha,” Diana breathed out again, completely wet and utterly spellbound.
• But she wasn’t entirely sure what had fully bewitched her. Maybe it was the taste of Alistair’s tongue from when he had prodded and licked her mouth just mere seconds ago. Perhaps it was the way his lips felt light and hot on her neck at the same instant. Or maybe it was how he was holding her. So good. So perfect. So safe.
• ‘More… More…’ Diana thought with mild deliriousness.
• They were already so close, and yet it wasn’t nearly enough.
• Alistair seemed to know exactly what she wanted. So as he was pressing kisses along the line of Diana’s throat, he loosened the strings of her poet shirt with deft hands and tugged it slightly to reveal the healed mark of his claiming bite on the junction where her neck and shoulder met.
• He pressed his nose against the mark, inhaling deeply. The action seemed almost primal and was most definitely possessive. His tongue then nipped and lapped at the spot, breaking the spell that had enchanted Diana into giving in and submitting.
• It was like a bucket of ice cold water had been doused on Diana all too suddenly. Her eyes snapped open from when it had fallen shut in pleasure, and her heart nearly stopped.
• ‘I can’t believe I… How could I let this happen…’
• Shame, dread, self-loathing, regret, and most of all guilt emerged and took shape into a singular ugly monster that immediately tortured her.
• “Alistair,” she said as firmly as she could. “Stop.”
• It was all it took for Alistair to cease from delivering more kisses, licks, and tiny bites on Diana. It snapped him out of whatever heat and desire that consumed him, and his eyes went back into the beautiful shade of blue that Diana liked.
• He took a step back from Diana, seemingly unbothered by the arousal that strained against the material of his pants.
• “Right. I apologize.”
• “I allowed it up until a certain point. You don’t have to look so ashamed.”
• Diana meant it to be lighthearted. She wanted to dispel the tense and suffocating air that hung over their heads like a guillotine. But her words only caused bitterness to mar his handsome features for a fleeting moment.
• “Then don’t look as if you regret it.” Then quietly, he added in a nearly inaudible whisper, “Even though I know you really do.”
• Diana’s heart sank, having clearly heard what Alistair said. Her chest felt tight, as if someone had a vice grip around her lungs, squeezing all the air out of them.
• “Alistair, I-”
• “I’m sorry, Diana. But I shall take my leave. Please excuse me.”
• Tears welled up in Diana’s eyes, blurring the vision of Alistair’s back as he walked away from her and left the library. The sound of the door as it closed rang lonely to her ears.
• “I’m sorry,” she whispered to no one.
• She hadn’t meant to be so weak in the face of temptation. But she gave in to Alistair’s kiss that felt too good, and to his embrace that felt like home even when it shouldn’t.
• ‘I really need to find a way to sever our bond. I must get out of his life for good and live somewhere far and safe for me. I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have.’