Chapter 49 Marianna

• I think I'm enjoying this too much. I should have insisted on leaving last night but with Cris's arms around me, I couldn't. I gave in easily after convincing myself that it was the last time. I wanted to be with him so we spent the whole night doing all sorts of things I wouldn't be able to do after everything changes. The funny thing is I can't even bring myself to regret anything. Cris has a way of making me feel like the most beautiful, amazing woman in the world. He didn't bring up his feelings which in a way, made this easier for me. If the focus is on sex, I don't have to overanalyze what I'm feeling and why I'm being stupid.
• This morning, my brilliant self came up with another excuse to spend one more day with him. I can't leave without knowing how he tastes. I've imagined how he'd feel in my mouth, the look in his eyes while I suck him and now I can't move. The adoration in his eyes, the way he takes care of me and just knows what I need. This is a first for me. Having someone who is not under my payroll care this much.
• I could come up with all sorts of excuses but the truth is I'm starved for love. I've seen different types of relationships and wished I could experience at least one before I died. And Cris is fulfilling that wish. Underneath his notorious reputation lies a caring and loving man. When he smiles, it feels like I can trust him not to hurt me.