Chapter 26 Very Close To Death

• A noisy silence fell in the room. His brain had registered everything I had said, and from the look on his face, he was processing the data, trying to put the puzzle together, trying to understand. We just stood there facing each other as the breeze outside coozed against the window, making hollowing sounds, making my curtains to swirl like waves at the bay of an ocean. His eyes suddenly became dull, and it was obvious to me that he had tried his best to fix the puzzle, to put the missing pieces together, to match the colors on the Rubik's cube. He had tried his best to understand, but just like how I couldn't explain to him why I couldn't become his boyfriend, he too couldn't understand. And I could see from his eyes that he was tired of trying to understand. He just gave up.
• "If…….. If….it….," he took a long breath, cleaning his tears with the back of his palm and sniffing his nostrils so that the snout in them could go back to wherever it is that they came from, "if it was someone else, if it wasn't me, would you still have said what you said?," he asked. He must have summoned courage from heaven before asking that question, because even I could smell his insecurities, and I didn't like it. The fact that he had insecurities made me feel slightly angry towards him.
• I came closer and placed my hands on his shoulders, "yes, I would, but I wouldn't tell that person that I love him, because I don't," I said and his eyes gave way again, releasing a heavy flood just like in the days of Noah. I didn't even know when I joined in the chorus, crying with him as I reluctantly wrapped my hands around him.