Chapter 247 Good Girl Or Bad Girl?

• ZOLA'S P.O.V
• I felt utterly restless. My brain wouldn't calm down to give me a break whatsoever. I wanted to pretend like everything around me was all in my head. But the reality of the matter was, it never would be. I wanted the world to swallow me whole. If I could take his place, I would. But was that even possible, taking back my curse? I watched the ceiling fan spin in circles until my eyes couldn't bear to stay open a minute longer. I could feel them rapidly blinking, fighting the urge to do what I needed most; sleep. I just hoped that when I finally fell asleep I would at least get enough rest to do it all over again the next night. I was truthfully only wasting more energy by fighting sleep. I could be doing something more useful than moping around, like, I don't know, maybe some deeper research. Instead, I wasted several days hiding away in my room.
• Useful, right? I was ashamed to admit I was at my lowest. But the only way to rise back up was to pull my big girl panties up and get my shit together. Not for myself, but for him. He deserved better than what life had given him. He has had it rough from the start. Losing his father at the age of two, then being pushed way too hard daily to become the best version of himself 'for the kingdom'. He has never had a moment to just live. There was always something keeping him down. I felt bad for him. His sister could at least do as she pleased, within limits of course, while everyone else rode his ass daily. Now, he is handed a death card, and I was the one to blame. I know what you're thinking, shut up with the pity party, Zola. But damn, I couldn't help but be in this depressive ass mood. I needed to do something to get myself out of it. Maybe I should get drunk? Or would that make it worse? Thinking of Elias only made me sad, so maybe I should think of something else. Or even someone else.