Chapter 1440

• Santa’s Big Helper--
• I showed up for my first night of elf duty just as the chain holding back the screaming horde of kids from Santa’s Winter Wonderland was lifted. The mob of SC- worshippers quickly trampled the plastic Rudolph’s and Styrofoam Frosties in their headlong rush to throw themselves onto the plush velvet lap of Mr Claus. And my somewhat tardy arrival didn’t go over well with less- than-jolly old Saint Nick.
• “Where the hell … heck have you been!?” Father Christmas yelled at me as another elf escorted a hyperactive three-year-old out of his mother’s arms and up and onto the Promised Land. “You should be here at least fifteen minutes before we open for business!”