Chapter 77

• Eventually, we come off the high. It take us forever though, lying side by side, holding hands like highschool lovers who just took eachother's virginity. Breathing in sync, eyes half opened, staring blankly at the ceiling, seeing everything and nothing all at once. I am hundred percent certain I know what Stephane is thinking about in this moment as we lie next to eachother, naked, skin flushed and cooling against eachother.
• I know what it is because I am thinking the same thing. And it is nothing. Absolutely nothing. My head is blissfully quiet. And I know his is too. We just shared something significant and I am sure it is something that should inspire an honest open conversation about all the other stuff we don't want to talk about, but I don't want to have that conversation, I don't even want it to come up. I am terrified of it. I still haven't even admitted it to myself.
• Though the intensity of the moment has passed, I still feel its remnants in my bloodstream, warming me up and cooling me down simultaneously. It is such a trip. And I have never even been on one. But this must be close to it. I have friends in college who do mushrooms and I can finally understand what they try to explain when they try to talk about their trips to me, a non mushroom trip taker. This is a trip. And it is just sex with my stepfather.