Chapter 185 Only The Beginning

• All this time, when I was stumbling through my shadows, still tethered to memories that tore me apart, and clutching at ghosts I couldn’t release, Sargis had been the wall between me and the rot of all this. I replayed it all, the nights when my past still bled into my present, when grief wrapped itself around my throat, and I was torn between holding on and letting go, he was already bracing himself against storms I hadn’t even noticed gathering. While I clung to brokenness, he stood as a barrier against the venom creeping at the edges of this kingdom. I hadn’t seen it then. Maybe I hadn’t wanted to. I had been so consumed with surviving my ruins, trying to stitch myself together piece by broken piece, that I hadn’t noticed how many battles he fought silently just so I wouldn’t have to.
• I saw it now with painful clarity, the way he absorbed the weight, carrying the ugliness of politics, whispers of rebellion, and the threat of war all without letting me taste the bitterness of it. He let me rage, doubt, and falter, and still kept the worst of the world from cutting too deep. He bore it quietly, so I could still find my footing.
• The realization burned, gratitude and guilt tangled so tightly I could hardly breathe. I owed him more than I could ever say, more than words could fit into. My chest ached with the thought. I wished I had seen it sooner. God, I wish I had known sooner. then I wouldn’t have wasted so much time questioning, doubting, and holding myself apart when he had only ever been protecting me.