Chapter 4 3

• PERCIE
• Fifteen months ago…
• We were in an accident. My ears still tingled from the silence after the impact. 
• I couldn’t move. Emma was pressed against me. 
• “E-Em?” I coughed. My voice trembled. “Em?” My throat choked up. 
• She didn’t respond. She didn’t move. 
• I wanted to shake her badly, but I was so weak to do so. I smelled blood. It rolled down my temple to my face and neck. 
• The smoke started to sting my nostrils. 
• I started to hear noises from outside the car. The commotion escalated. 
• The sirens of the ambulance resounded. 
• Although my eyes were blurry, I whirled my gaze around and saw a bunch of heads surrounding us and the flashes of lights. 
• I thought I was okay.
• I could still remember the paramedics who arrived and took me from the collision. Unfortunately, Emma wasn’t. I was still shaking with fear with what happened and for Emma.
• They brought us to the hospital by separate ambulance. Even if I wanted to refuse and go with Emma instead, I didn’t have the strength. 
• All I wanted right was for her to be okay. I wanted to scream out these indescribable feelings—rage, fear, despair as it all came back to my senses, but my voice came out a pitiful cry.
• “Emma?” My parents came rushing to where the bed I laid in. 
• “Mom. I'm sorry,” I told them about Emma. They left and never came back. 
• I still didn’t know anything about Emma’s condition. They had to drug me when I struggled to go down from my bed to check up on her, and the drug didn’t help me.
• “How’s she? The girl was with me?” I asked the doctor about Emma, and it was not good news. I felt the world fell onto me. 
• I wouldn’t wonder why none of them came back. They blamed. Well, I would take the fall even if they had to hate me. That was the punishment I had to endure for the rest of my life. 
• I almost killed Emma. They discharged me after twenty-four hours of observation.
• ***
• Emma had been in a coma for three days. After the CT scan and MRI results, Emma had a spinal cord injury. Something about her T6 paraplegia or SCI T6 paraplegia. Whatever it was, it didn’t sound good. One thing I was sure of, she had paralysis and wouldn’t be ever to walk for the rest of her life. 
• She was still unconscious. The next time I peeped in her door, they removed the tube, and she was breathing with the help of the oxygen. Still, there were so many things attached to her that looked scary.
• It felt like I carried the whole world around my shoulder to see her in that position. She must be in pain. The worse part was, I was not allowed to see her in her room. 
• I wished I could change position with her. What happened was all my fault. 
• My heart broke. What about her future? How did she take the news? Did she blame me too? Of course, she did. I was sure she hated me. 
• Life was so unfair. I was the one here standing and walking on my own. She took all the force.
• Emma woke up five days later. Her paralysis, I guess, was permanent now. I was still sneaking into the hospital. Emma then found out that my name was not on her visitor’s list. 
• I finally got a chance to talk to her on the eighteenth day. She was alone. 
• She looked better. Still beautiful even when her eyes were closed. I finally held her hand after the long eighteen days, and it was a relief. 
• “Hey, Em.”  My eyes started to sting. I had to look up to control my tears from falling, but I failed miserably. I wiped my face and planted a kiss on her knuckles. I wanted to say something. I just didn’t know what to say or where to start after what I put her through.
• “Perce?” I was startled in my seat. 
• “I thought you’ll never show up.” Her words were like a whisper. I missed her voice. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me with a smile on her face. 
• I blinked and swallowed the guilt down. Somehow, relief washed over me that Emma seemed happy to see me. I was still speechless, though—and surprise to see her talking.
• Guilt was an understatement of how I felt. At the same time, I was beyond grateful. I stared closely, searching for the sadness on her face and in her eyes. I knew her, masking her emotions was not one of her best suits.
• “We don’t have all day to just staring at each other. The visiting hour is limited, Perce. If you’re blaming yourself because of what happened, please, don’t.” She slightly shook her head. 
• “I’m so sorry.” I just threw all her dreams away. It was difficult to breathe, knowing it was all my fault. I’d been crying all day and night, but it didn’t even help. 
• “I’m not blaming you. The last thing I remembered, you said to me to go back to my seat and secured my seatbelt, but I refused,” she said slowly. 
• Still, it didn’t help with my guilt. I looked down at our hands. I sniffed and wiped my tears again. All I could do was nod as if it was okay, but I was far from okay. 
• “Mom and Dad won’t let you come, I know. I asked them if you came here to see me. They said you never give a damn about what happened. I figured out later on that they didn’t allow you to see me.” My parents were the worse person in the world, blacklisting me. I sneaked all the time when no one was around, just to take a glimpse of her. 
• I couldn’t look at her in the eye again. I nodded. 
• “I’m glad you’re okay, Perce. The moment I woke up, I thought of you.” She paused. “Say something, please?” She squeezed my hand. “Mom and Dad didn’t tell me if you were okay. I’m thankful you’re here now. I really miss you, Perce.” 
• When she started crying, I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart was crashing. I got up from my chair and sat beside her. I pulled her into my arms, hugged her so tight, and burst into a cry. She wrapped her arms around me too. We both cried for a few moments.
• “I really want to see you the moment I was released, but they wouldn’t allow me. I had to sneak in to see you from outside your room. I’m so sorry, Emma. I wish I could reverse the situation. It’s killing me to see you here in bed while I didn’t get any injuries. I wish I’m the one lying where you are right now. I’m so sorry, Emma. I know apologies won’t help you, but I’ve never felt so helpless until right now.”
• I wiped the tears from her face. I pulled some tissue on her bedside and let her blew her nose. I did the same, making her giggle.
• “Don’t apologize, Perce. That was meant to happen. I already accepted my fate. I’m glad you’re okay, though, and please stop blaming yourself.”
• Why she had to be so kind and accepted her injury? It made me guiltier.