Chapter 20 Dicianove

• It had been almost an hour since I sat on the couch doing nothing but imagining that Zack was still in this apartment. Since I had come back from Bandung a week ago, my only activity had been watching all the videos of Zack on my phone and picturing him beside me, asking me to stop embarrassing him. This apartment felt like it had lost its spirit without Zack.
• Levi checked on me twice daily, ensuring I had eaten and hadn’t been doing anything strange—his word, not mine. He never accompanied me unless I asked, which I saw as his way of giving me space and time to grieve. He had cooked a few times, but I still didn't have an appetite. I only ate when hungry hit to show appreciation for what Levi had done. Nothing more than that. Mama, Papa, and Gio kept calling me, even if it was just small talk. I didn't know what I would do without them.
• I hadn't unpacked the suitcase I brought from Bandung, and the apartment's condition was a mess. Forget cleaning the apartment; I was even lazy to take care of myself. Zack's stack of newspapers was still on the table, and often, I touched the top newspaper, hoping to feel Zack's presence because it was the last thing he touched before going to the airport. His property magazines were still in the corner of the room. Even the clothes he wore at Merah Putih, our last dinner together, were still hanging on the doorknob of the wardrobe. Whenever I woke up in the middle of the night and felt overwhelming emotions, I immediately reached for that dark blue shirt and kissed it, even though Zack's perfume scent was starting to fade. Seeing his golf clubs in the corner of the room always reminded me of his persuasion for me to go to Nusa Dua. I neatly folded the gray shirt he wore on his last night in Bali and placed it where Zack usually slept. I couldn't sleep if I didn't hug that shirt. I missed his gentle touch on my hair, the goodnight kiss on my forehead, and his arms whenever I asked for a spooning.