Chapter 4 Remorse

• The temporary relief from the harsh reality broke sooner than I would have preferred. I woke up to the feeling of soft fabric against my skin and opened my eyes to see that my bed mate was long gone. I closed my eyes again, feeling a dull pain in my head. I drew the cover further up until I could snuggle back and turned to the other side when I felt the twinging pain in my lower half and slowly I felt the soreness and stiffness all over my body.
• Astrid whimpered in my mind and it was then that I finally let the reality sink in, it was then that I finally realised that last night hadn’t been a nightmare; it had very much happened. I lay on the bed, staring at the ornately designed ceiling, stared until my vision blurred and I had to blink, stared until I felt my eyes burn and tears fall.
• “Come to bed so that we can bond. So that I can make you mine. You are here for that, aren’t you? The sacrifice for the sake of peace. Fulfil that role then.” Those words had me sobbing once again. How could such a beautiful man and such a graceful wolf be so cruel? Shame and disgust and remorse wrapped my head and heart like an ivy, choking me from inside out.
• “Luna? May we enter?” A voice followed by a knock brought me back to the present.
• “Give me a moment,” I answered, forcing my voice to remain calm. I attempted to sit up, wincing at the discomfort. With effort, I got off the bed and limped to the washroom. I inhaled sharply as I looked at my reflection. Blue and purple bruises dotted my skin, the scent gland sported a huge bruise which would eventually form the mark. Involuntarily, tears started rolling down my cheeks as my gaze drifted from one bruise to another. I limped into the shower stall and turned on the hot shower.
• My tears mixed with the cascading water as I scrubbed my skin raw, especially the mess between my thighs. My skin had become red and yet I couldn’t help but feel dirty, feel used and feel cheated. The loofah fell on the tiled floor and I…I let myself collapse on the floor as well.
• Why did I not protest? Why did my father not stop the Elders from taking such a decision? Was I such a burden that they wanted to get rid of me? My body heaved with each breath my chest tightened, black dots formed in the corner of my eyes and my vision turned blurry. What is that ringing noise? Why does my head feel lighter…
• ~~~~~
• I am met with the anxious faces of almost strangers when my eyes open for the second time in the day. “What happened?” My voice was hoarse as I tried to sit up, but a gentle hand stopped me. “You should be careful of your health, luna.” The lady from yesterday, the one who had shown me to this room. Maybe my expression had given away something which made her bow her head. “Luna, this one is Margaret. I apologize for not having introduced myself earlier. But I request you to please take care of yourself.”
• The show of respect made me squirm, almost. I acknowledged with a value nod then turned to look at the other two girls who hovered at the foot of the bed. “What happened to me?” Both of them hesitated.
• “You fell unconscious in the shower, Luna. Clarissa heard a thump and dared to enter the room without your permission.” She looked at the taller of the two. “We also were so audacious as to dress you. We only acted in your best interest,” Margaret explained. I stifled a sigh, and my annoyance at being referred to as the luna when I was a mere piece of sacrifice, nothing but a vessel for the alpha’s pleasure.
• “Thank you,” I murmured before lying back down, silently dismissing them. Margaret rose, graceful as ever and bowed once again. “We will take your leave, luna. Call any of us if you need to.” The three of them scuttled out of the room.
• A bitter huff of laughter escaped my lips at the ridiculousness of the situation and how ironic was my status in this pack. They had already assumed me as their luna, probably knowing that this girl had nowhere to go. I didn’t miss the way Margaret’s eyes frequently zoned on my bitten scent gland. I sat up once again and leaned against the headboard. My fingers grazed the mark brushing against the exact spot as if my body knows where it should be. The bruise had developed scabs now.
• I eyed the closed door before looking at the window, the curtains swaying from the mellow wind. “Why didn’t you protest, Astrid? Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you show your full power? Why?” I yelled to my wolf. I could feel her presence, she had grown stronger since last night. She remained quiet, stubborn as ever. I exhaled through my nose, clenching the blanket tightly. She wasn’t telling me something, and this hurt even more than my father’s betrayal.
• ~~~~~~
• I spent most of the day holed up in the room, doing absolutely nothing. Meals were brought at right intervals and even though Clarissa and her companion lingered just in case, I dismissed them flippantly. At the end of lunch, Margaret suddenly entered. “Luna, beta Marcus would like to meet you. Would you like to meet him in this room or at the office?” I pondered on the case. I couldn’t possibly remain here and stay hidden. I won’t stay confined as I did in my old pack. I got off the bed. “I will meet him at the office.” I wanted answers, I wanted to know where my mate was, wanted to know what deal had been cracked between my father and this pack, why he had not stayed. I took a deep breath as I changed into a fresh set of clothes. As I stepped out of the room, I forced myself to not appear jittery.
• Margaret led me to the beta’s office which was apparently on the ground floor of this residence. The place remained as usual silent. Not a single pack member could be seen. When we arrived at the office, Margaret took her leave. I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.