Chapter 17

• It's been a month of our marriage and after that night, I didn't even try to be intimate with her. We lived our lives ignoring each other. Whenever I try to touch her I don't know but something pulls me back. I still wanted to see her destruction, the day when she'll beg me for forgiveness for destroying my life and not just her but everyone, including you too, Marianne. You shattered my heart, I loved you dearly and you just... leave it, all I can do now is to curse all of you.
• It somehow became a routine of mine to be awake by Rebecca. She woke up before me and then came after a while to wake me up and then wait for me to get ready as she hung clothes outside the closet for me knowing that I'll never wear the clothes chosen by her but still. And then I'll walk out in my shirt and pants as she'll help me to wear my coat and then she'll fasten the tie around my neck as we'll leave the room together to have breakfast. None of us spoke a word during that or even looked at each other but it doesn't feel awkward too. And when I'll return from work, she'll be leaning on the right column, arms closed at her chest, looking all too stoic and will wait for me until I come back as we both will have dinner together. Is it me or it's truly her devotion?
• But, Sundays are different except the fact that she wakes up before me. That day, she just didn't acknowledge my existence. No words, no devotion, no arguments like some kind of silence. A dreadful silence, that day, she doesn't even reply to me and today is Sunday.