Chapter 4

• On Tuesday, when I returned from school, my aunt wasn't home, and she didn't come back until nine in the evening from wherever she had been. She apologized for not taking me shopping, and that's why we're here now.
• Today is Wednesday. It's four in the afternoon. An hour ago, I left school, and I'm trying on a blue dress that I don't even like. But my aunt said it would look gorgeous on me, and since she's the one paying for it, I can't refuse. I can't believe she's buying me clothes as if I were her own daughter.
• This is new to me, like everything since I arrived here. I've never had someone buy me clothes and accompany me to get new ones. I would have loved to do this with my mom, but it never happened. When I was little, I have vague memories of her smiling at me, combing my hair, and kissing me. She took care of me, cooked, cleaned... Until the moment came when I had to take care of those things for her. I'm not complaining; I can't. If it weren't for what happened to her, I'm sure she would have never let me take on responsibilities at such a young age.
• I shook my head and refused to be resentful towards anyone for that. No one was to blame; I just wasn't lucky.
• I stepped out of the fitting room. My aunt and two saleswomen smiled when they saw me.
• "Perfect," the first saleswoman said.
• "Absolutely beautiful," my aunt said.
• "It was made for you," the second saleswoman added.
• I forced the most strained smile a human being could muster. I looked at myself in the giant mirror in front of me and felt like a blue cake with filling.
• I didn't expect anything different from this place. It's too posh. Full of clothes, mirrors, immaculate, and too formal for someone like me.
• "Don't you like it, dear?" my aunt asked. The understanding on her face and the comprehension made me grimace, telling her everything she needed to know.
• "Alright, take it off, and we'll go wherever you want and buy what you like," she concluded. She got up from the white armchair and walked toward one of the saleswomen.
• I was about to go back into the fitting room when I saw through the glass that showed the street. Someone quite familiar. His black hooded jacket and the scar on his neck left no doubt. It was Donovan.
• It seemed incredibly strange to see him in a place like this, filled with jewelry stores and "high-end fashion" clothing. It was clear that it's not my style, and I want to believe it's not his either. A miserable shoe costs four thousand dollars... And I mean a single shoe, not the pair.
• A significant part of me filled with curiosity. I wasn't going to follow him to see where he was going, no way.
• "Aunt, I'll take this dress. I'll be right back," I started running towards the exit of the place, ignoring my aunt's shouts behind me. I didn't want to do it... I really shouldn't have. I'm not sure what I can accomplish by following him.
• Since the conflict I had with him in the courtyard, he watched me, all the time, I noticed it, and Donovan wasn't very discreet.
• Is he following me?
• No, I don't think so. I'm being paranoid.
• Donovan was walking fast and confidently. I kept a certain distance from him and walked to see where he was going. Two blocks ahead, I saw him enter an alleyway. What the hell is he doing in an alley? At that moment, I should have turned around and left. I had a bad feeling, pretending like nothing happened should have made me turn back. Unfortunately, I didn't.
• I took step by step, slowly, and when I was just one move away from entering to confront the situation, all I could do was lean inward to the place and see a little of what was happening. There was a red sports car in the location, and two guys whose backs I could only see. It was a classy car that not just anyone could afford. Donovan leaned into the car window and started talking to the guys inside. He took out a bag full of white content and gave it to them. I'm sure it was cocaine.
• So, what Jessi told me was true, he sells drugs.
• Then, the guy on the passenger side handed him some bills, and Donovan took them without hesitation. He counted how much there was, making sure there was no missing money. He nodded his head towards the guys and walked back through the alley towards where I was. He moved so fast that I couldn't react when his eyes landed on mine. I couldn't hide and pretend like nothing happened. He saw me.
• The alarmed expression on his face told me that I shouldn't be witnessing that, and it quickly changed to a threatening posture. I instantly regretted letting my curious side take over.
• Donovan immediately walked towards me, and there was no point in running because he would catch up. His gaze was fixed on mine, his mouth closed and teeth tightly clenched, his eyes and eyebrows slightly furrowed to emphasize his anger. His hands were clenched, exerting pressure and holding back the urge to do something, probably kill me.
• When he was just one step away from me, he aggressively grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the alley. Right at that moment, the car started, passing by us quickly.
• "Let me go, Donovan!" I shouted and started hitting his back, trying to get him to release me. I screamed and screamed, but we were almost at the end of the narrow passage, and no one could hear me. And even if they did, I don't think anyone would come to rescue me in this area. I tried to stop walking and throw myself on the ground, which caused Donovan's anger to reach its breaking point. He grabbed my arm, almost dislocating it, and lifted me onto his back.
• "Donovan, let me go! Seriously! Let me go, you damn idiot!" I kept hitting him, and I know it hurt because he winced with each kick, but he didn't let go. The damn bastard didn't let go.
• At one point, he put me down without any gentleness, pushed me against the brick wall, held both of my wrists, put his knees on my thighs so I couldn't move my legs, and if I tried, it would hurt. When he had me completely immobilized, he brought his face close to mine. My breath got caught in my throat as he got so close to me.
• "What the hell are you doing here, and why are you following me?" he murmured, injecting venom into each word. He was too angry, and I won't lie by saying I'm not terrified. "You better give me an answer, Celina."
• My mind should be clouded right now, focusing on how painful it will be when Donovan kills me or kidnaps me, and it is, but I can't help but think about how good it feels to hear my name coming out of his mouth.
• "I didn't... I didn't..." The words got stuck in my throat. I was nervous. What was he going to do to me? Why did he bring me here?
• "That's not my answer," his threatening tone didn't changeand didn't surprise me that he didn't answer. "Stop babbling so much and respond."
• Well, now I'm genuinely getting pissed off. Why all this suspense? It doesn't make sense to do this if he's going to threaten me or make me disappear.
• "Why don't we cut to the chase? What are you going to do to me?" I snapped, already hysterical. If he's going to do something, he should do it now. Enough with these stupid games.
• He started laughing, but there was no hint of amusement in that laughter. I understand playing with his victims, but does he find it amusing to see tears welling up in my eyes? "No, Celina, I'm not a killer."
• "Jessi told me you sell drugs, and it was true. I don't know what else you're capable of," I said defensively. I saw him myself, trafficking drugs, so not everything people say is rubbish.
• "No, but there's a big difference between wanting to make money and killing meddlesome people who follow me," he replied.
• "I wasn't following you," I retorted, again defensive. God, I'm terrible at this.
• "Oh no? What are you doing here, then?"
• "I came to go shopping with my aunt, and I just happened to see you pass by..." I didn't continue talking because, well, I did follow him. But I wasn't going to confess, not even if I were drunk.
• He looked down at my clothes. He raised an eyebrow and curled the corner of his lip. I already know what he's going to say, and I don't like it.
• "Nice dress."
• "Go to hell."
• "What a foul mouth for someone from a posh family," he said, releasing one of my wrists to touch my lower lip with his thumb. Okay, I shivered, and I loved that touch. It seemed like that gesture from him was entirely involuntary because he shook his head and tightened his eyes at mine and his hand on my wrist again.
• "You don't know me," I limited myself to saying.
• "You don't know me either, so don't provoke me. I won't kill you, but I can do worse, believe me. So listen carefully, Celina. If you dare to tell anyone what you saw here today, I swear I'll make your life impossible. Do you understand? Don't open your mouth and don't tell anyone about this. Not even your crazy cousin. I know you'll probably tell me that you don't give a damn and that you're not afraid of me, but I'm not a good person, Celina."
• He let go of me and took a few steps away. He put his hood back on and put his hands in his jacket pockets.
• "Why do you care? After all, everyone already knows," I still didn't move from the wall. My legs were weak from the proximity of his body to mine.
• "There's a big difference between suspecting and knowing. No one has ever seen me, apart from you, so no one can press charges against me. Don't be the first one to do it. It's not in your best interest."
• "Why do you do this?" By "this," I mean selling drugs.
• He stared at the ground but didn't answer, and it didn't surprise me that he didn't. "I'll be watching you. See you, Alicia."
• "My name is Celina," I muttered through gritted teeth.
• "With that dress, you look like Alice in Nightmareland," he said, amused, with a half-smile that made me want to wipe it off his face with a kick to the head.
• A very lousy joke on his part.
• "Wonderland, idiot," I corrected him.
• "Trust me. With you as the protagonist, it's more like Nightmareland," he turned around and started walking away from me. "See you."
• "Asshole!" I shouted and slumped down, exhausted. Why do I always manage to find myself in damn trouble?
• ***
• Since I woke up this morning, I've been thinking about everything that happened yesterday. When I returned to the place where I got that ridiculous dress, my aunt started shouting like crazy and almost punished me.
• I bought a thousand things, completely filling my wardrobe, and my aunt's smile in response was very rewarding.
• I also think about what I saw. I think about what I know. I think about Donovan.
• The fear he caused me for a few seconds was enough to overwhelm me all day. It's the most logical explanation I can find for the damn uneasiness he leaves inside me.
• "I'm talking to you, are you deaf?" Jessi started shouting in my ear. The car had already stopped, and we were in front of the school.
• I wish I had the reflexes to accidentally slap her.
• "What?" I sighed wearily. One of these days, I'm going to scream everything that floods my mind about her, and it's not very pretty.
• "I don't want you talking to Travis anymore," she blurted out out of nowhere, with a forced smile and a series of winks.
• Does she like him? Or is she upset that he's not attracted to her? I'm more inclined to the second option.
• "I don't want to talk to him, it's the other way around," I replied, trying not to give her the slightest bit of importance. I opened the car door to get out, but she grabbed my wrist and dug her nails into the underside. I could almost see myself bleeding.
• "You're playing hard to get with him, Celina. Do you think I don't notice?" She said, with a snort as if she really believed it. The snort reminded me of dogs.
• I almost told her to sit, give me her paw, or play dead. Who knows, maybe she would have listened.
• "How did you find out?" My feigned surprised face made her turn red with anger. How lovely, with her green dress, she looks like a Santa Claus elf.
• "Travis doesn't interest me in the slightest. I'm not interested in anyone. I'm an asexual being. Believe me."
• I broke free from her grip and walked to the entrance of the school. I was the first to move, and as soon as I crossed the doors, a tall, dark-haired guy stood in front of me. He smiled and waved his hand in greeting.
• "Celina, right?" He asked with a very pleasant smile. I nodded, looking for an excuse to run away. It's funny how I say I'm not interested in any guy, and boom! Guys start appearing everywhere. They seem like cockroaches multiplying en masse.
• "Do I know you?"
• "No, no. But I know you. I'm Bruno," he started laughing, and I was in the most awkward situation of my life. Is that the way to win over girls nowadays? It's new and pretty stupid.
• "Listen, there's a party next week. Do you want to come?"
• "Next week? Wasn't there a party on Saturday?"
• "Yes, but almost no one will go, and the place they're having it is a disaster. So, what do you say? Are you in?"
• "I don't know... We'll see," "No."
• "Travis said you're a difficult girl, you know, I..."
• I could feel someone's gaze fixed on me, causing me to stop looking at the guy in front of me and glance at his side. It was Donovan, leaning against a locker with his backpack next to him. His arms crossed over his chest, and one of his eyebrows raised.
• He moved his lips, and I could deduce what he was saying.
• "Interesting," he said, referring to the guy.
• "Go to hell," I said, referring to him.
• He rolled his eyes and took his backpack to go to his class, which happened to be the same as mine.
• "Do you think the same?" Bruno finished saying while I didn't know what he was referring to.
• "Yes... Look, I have class. See you," I practically ran away from him, and as I crossed the threshold, I noticed that there were few people in the classroom. But the most important thing was that Donovan was among them, and today, he wasn't sitting in the same place as last class. Today, he was sitting behind my seat.
• "Playing musical chairs?" I asked, getting comfortable in my seat.
• "It's fun, Alicia, but I'll sit here for a while. Just until I'm sure no one will talk too much."
• I thought he had already gotten over the Alicia thing.
• "Stop calling me that."
• "How?"
• "You know how."
• "No, Alicia. Honestly, I don't. I'm not a mind reader yet."
• "Bite me."
• "I don't think you'd like that."
• With that comment, the teacher entered the classroom, and all the students followed behind him. Throughout the class, I tried to pay attention to what the man was saying, but Donovan behind me was causing a considerable amount of nerves in my system. I could feel his gaze on the back of my neck at times and other times hear him scratching his desk.
• I don't know what to say to make him believe that I won't say a damn word about what I saw. Nothing. I don't care. His motives and actions don't affect me. He can do whatever he wants, and I'm not like my cousin who would scream it from the rooftops.
• The bell rang to signal the end of class, and I was the first to move. I walked quickly to the cafeteria and headed to the back of the sports field. I need some time alone because lately, I think I'm going crazy. Between my aunt, my cousin, the house, and now Donovan, there's no place to hide.
• When I reached the back of the sports field, passing the men's restroom, I sat behind the wall where I know no one can see me. I think this place isn't well-known, and that's why I immediately had my eye on it.
• "You didn't tell anyone, right? Not even your cousin?" He appeared out of nowhere, and I startled. The one place where I could escape, and now he knows about it.
• "No," I said, looking at him, narrowing my eyes in his direction. "Now, can you leave?"
• "I'll be close to you until I'm sure I can trust that you'll keep your mouth shut, Alicia."
• "My name isn't Alicia, you asshole," I shouted, already irritated. He's exasperating, and the stupid smile of superiority on his face right now is even more exasperating.
• "Sure? I could have sworn your name was Alicia."
• "What's your problem? Nobody should mess with you, and you're making yourself look like the bad guy just for that to happen. But right now, you're being a complete idiot trying to annoy me."
• He remained silent for a couple of seconds, and for a moment, just a damn moment, I thought I had won.
• "Wow, an idiot, huh?" he said, shaking his head and crouching down to be at my eye level. I thought he was going to sit next to me, but thank God he didn't. He just got close enough to make me uncomfortable and blew in my face.
• How amusing.
• "What are you doing here? Why don't you go with your little cousin and her followers?" he asked, leaningagainst the wall, signaling that he won't leave unless I tell him to. I ran my hands through my face in desperation and looked back at him.
• "It's none of your business," I replied dryly and straightforwardly. He leaned against the wall, indicating that if I don't tell him, he won't go away. I looked back at him and continued, "I can't stand Jessi, and this is the only place where I can hide from her and several other people. You're included in that group I want to avoid."
• He stared at me intensely, as if trying to figure out if I'm genuinely this antisocial or if I'm just joking. Yes, I'm not very friendly with anyone, sometimes not even with my aunt.
• "You're not wearing your usual clothes," he suddenly remarked, pointing at my black shirt.
• "How do you know what I usually wear? Are you spying on me?" I gave him a half-smile, and he bit his lower lip to hide a hint of laughter.
• "Funny. See you, Alicia," he turned around and walked away from me.
• He needs to stop calling me Alicia or just stop calling, mentioning, or looking at me altogether.
• When I first met him, I thought he was the silent type with a killer gaze, but I was surprised to find out that he enjoys bothering new people, I suppose. I don't see him harassing anyone else, just me. He should find another pastime; I'm sure drug dealing doesn't occupy much of his day.