Chapter 3

• My aunt and uncle hosted a dinner party the night after my first day. I just wanted to lock myself in my room and study, but when I told my aunt, her scream of horror was quite deafening, so I had no choice but to step back from my decision.
• I had hoped for a quieter life living with my aunt and uncle. A dinner with people I didn't like wouldn't be my idea of "tranquility," especially with my cousin pestering me every ten minutes to know what I was doing and informing me that her life was, in her own words, «so boring». Sometimes I thought she believed I was some kind of pet, someone she could play with and do as she pleased.
• I was getting dressed while listening to Avril Lavigne's album "Under My Skin" on the cell phone my aunt gave me. I wanted to stay more connected in case of any emergencies.
• I approached the mirror next to my bed and examined my current state. My face and reddish-brown hair looked the same as always... except it was the first time I had styled my hair in a long time, and my paleness matched my black dress, almost making me look dead.
• I picked up the earrings from the nightstand and started putting them on. My aunt had given them to me. They were blue and quite eye-catching. As soon as I saw them, I loved them.
• "Celina," Jessi sang from the hallway, and I hurried to put on the earrings.
• I stood up as I noticed my door opening. Jessi entered with a black dress, very low-cut and shiny, reaching her knees, and she was more heavily made-up than a clown. I would have burst out laughing if my life didn't depend on her and her parents.
• She looked me up and down, and her expression of disgust didn't go unnoticed.
• "A black and simple dress. Loose-fitting and knee-length. The back is open, and it's anything but flashy. My hair is loose, and my face doesn't have a hint of makeup. I like wearing it, only when I feel in the mood, but when Jessi entered, I barely felt like breathing. The hopes of lying down and sleeping were calling me at that moment.
• "Who gave you that ugly dress?" she asked, as friendly as ever.
• "My mother. It's one of the few things I could take from her that wasn't torn or too dirty to be salvaged, and I loved it, even though people like her wouldn't understand. They don't know what it's like to love something for what it represents rather than how it looks. To them, it's just a simple dress, but to me, it's what my mom wore to her graduation dance."
• "What do you want, Jessi?" I asked in a sigh and sat on the bed. I was dying to have a lock on my door finally. My aunt said she had already informed that she called, and in less than a week, I could have my privacy.
• I never had a lock on my door at home, but nobody entered my room, ever. My mom would spend her days lying in bed, locked up by my father when he went to work at the glass factory or something like that. We never spoke, so I couldn't know for sure what he did to earn money, probably just buying beer. Once he called me a little thief because I took money from his wallet when he was so drunk he wouldn't wake up. I would delicately take it out of his pocket to buy food for my mom.
• I remember the blow I received from him. I told him that if he ever touched me again, I would report him, and for the first time, I saw fear in that man's eyes. One would think he would jump at me with even more rage, but since he had already been charged with armed robbery a couple of times, if he had one more run-in with the law, he wouldn't leave jail. That's why, from that moment on, he would leave thirty dollars on the table. It wasn't much, but it served to feed my mother, and if there was ever anything left, me. That's why I sought refuge in my aunt's arms. I wanted to study, and once I finished high school and became an adult, I would look for my mother and work full-time to support her. I wouldn't let strangers have her.
• My mother had always been good to me, even though she sometimes went crazy, she always loved me and always will, I know it. If one of my neighbors hadn't called the police a couple of times because of the "disturbances" caused by my family, a truck wouldn't have come to take her away from me. The real reason they took my mother from me was their way of trying to preserve their peaceful community, and as for us? We were their shit. They wanted to exterminate us one by one. First, it was my mother, and now it's me. The only one left was my father. I wouldn't be surprised if they had thrown a party to celebrate our departure.
• The only one I'm sure didn't have a party was Shawn. After what happened, he never stopped calling me, writing to me, begging and threatening me. He had never let me go, which was strange because he got everything he wanted from me, always, but it wasn't enough for him.
• He said he had drunk too much and wasn't aware of what he was doing. I saw him drink more than five cans of beer with his friends, and he wouldn't get drunk, and even if he did, there would never be any justification for what he did to me, for what he marked in me. He was charming, athletic, and tender at first, but at sixteen, I didn't consider being physically with him until he proposed it. I was dying to desire him, but my body didn't want him. I thought it would be a matter of time, that in a couple of months, I would desire him so much that we would be on top of each other all the time, like in romantic movies, but that moment never came. However, I did it, I had sex with him many times, whenever he wanted.
• But that day, giving him what he wanted wasn't enough.
• He wanted more.
• I could still feel my heart beating rapidly and my sweaty hands just from the memory. I lost consciousness, but I could still feel everything. Inside me, I was screaming, calling for help, but nobody came, and I knew nobody would come to my rescue. I wasn't worth it, not even to my own father.
• "Earth to Celina, hello, I'm here," Jessi yanked me out of my thoughts and began pinching my cheek. I pushed her away in an instant.
• "What?"
• "Did you hear anything I just said?" She narrowed her eyes, trying to intimidate me. It didn't work, but unfortunately, I had to be obedient.
• "No, sorry. Can you repeat it?" I showed a grimace, signaling mercy on her part. I had heard her a few days ago telling her father that I was weird and that she wasn't sure if she wanted me here just because I didn't let her see myclothes. Her father told her that he didn't want me here either, but if she didn't accept it, her mother would ask for a divorce, which would leave him in a bad state financially since my aunt has those pictures of his infidelity safely stored away. If they divorced and she showed those photos, it would be the end of his career and money. But I took precautions just in case, as I wouldn't put it past the bastard to send a hitman to kill me because I was in his way... I believe he's capable of it for some reason. His way of looking at me already gives me a bad feeling.
• "Saturday. Party. Convince my mom to let me go," she said, looking at her nails as if what she was asking was the easiest and most right thing to do.
• "Excuse me?" I said incredulously. I wished I could send a cheap hitman to kill her. She was driving me crazy.
• She rolled her eyes and looked at me, smiling falsely as she always did when looking in my direction.
• "You're obviously her favorite now. She didn't give you those earrings for nothing..." The acid in her voice was very noticeable. The girl was very observant, of course, when it suited her—because as long as I did what she wanted, nothing else mattered.
• "Why don't you tell her yourself, what you just told me?" My expression of anger was there, I don't know if the girl was stupid enough not to notice it or if she was just ignoring it. As long as I did what she wanted, nothing else mattered.
• "She wouldn't believe me, besides, I want you to do it. What's the problem?" Her arrogant little smile made me think of all the things I would like to say to her, and the image of my mother alone in that place made me swallow them.
• "No problem, I'll do it," I replied, clenching my fists on the sheets.
• She winked at me. "By the way, we have to go downstairs now."
• I nodded and waited for her to leave the room before grabbing a pillow and muffling my screams in it.
• Who does she think she is? I hate her, I hate her.
• After five minutes of thinking up insults for her, I made my way to the beautiful dining room. It was filled with lights and expensive paintings. The mahogany floor was shining as always, and everything was perfectly arranged.
• Everyone was gathered around the giant table, and all eyes turned to me. Apparently, I was a little late.
• My aunt stood up and walked towards me with a smile. Her long, red dress was beautiful, and her blonde hair cascaded over her shoulder. Her delicate lips were painted a soft pink, and her angelic smile eased much of my discomfort. She touched my back, guiding me to my seat.
• "I thought you weren't coming down," she whispered relievedly in my ear.
• "I was just getting ready," I replied in the same tone as her.
• "You look beautiful," she winked at me and looked me up and down.
• I blushed and gave her a half-smile.
• We sat down, and my aunt introduced me to everyone. Most of them were important colleagues of Dave, my uncle's political connections.
• All the women remained in total silence while the men talked business. My aunt began teasing her husband in front of me, as if it were some mischievous act.
• She stuck out her tongue, and Dave focused his eyes on his wife and me. The moment his gaze met mine, the threat was there. «Behave, or you'll end up living under a bridge».
• I squeezed my aunt's thigh, and she immediately knew that her husband was the problem. She turned her head to look at him.
• "Any problem, dear?" my aunt asked, and I swear I almost burst out laughing. The whole table fell into complete silence.
• He turned red with anger and shook his head. He fixed his gaze on his plate and gripped the fork as if he wanted to stick it as an ornament on my aunt's forehead.
• The rest of the dinner went by peacefully. The men went to Dave's study to discuss "certain matters," and the women went to the living room to have tea. I had never felt so out of place in a setting. The wives talked about the things their husbands bought them, and the daughters did the same. They also talked trash about the women who weren't present at the dinner but were known to them. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't do that to my aunt, so I kept my head down, trying to focus on the lyrics of Avril Lavigne's, He Wasn't.
• "Celina," my aunt touched my shoulder, and I focused on her. All the women were silent, looking at me.
• «Shit, what did I do now?» I thought.
• "Yes?" I asked calmly, although I wasn't calm inside. I was nervous. I didn't want to embarrass my aunt. She smiled reassuringly at me, and just as she was about to respond, the witch spoke up.
• "You're always in your own world, Cel. You need to come down from the cloud you're on someday, don't you think?"
• The anger was there. I wanted to tell her exactly what I thought, but I had to bite my damn tongue for my mother's sake. I couldn't study on the streets, and I wouldn't go back to my father, not in a million years.
• "Yes, I'm sorry, really," I muttered through gritted teeth, looking at her with fire in my eyes. She raised the corner of her lip and took a sip of her tea.
• Decided. I would kill her in her sleep that night.
• Okay, I wouldn't. But I would dream about doing it.
• "That's funny, I said the same thing to you three days ago when you started crying because I didn't let you go to that party. Remember, Jess?"
• It was impossible not to burst into laughter. I covered my mouth and looked at my aunt. I wanted to hug her, but I would save it for later. I repeat, I loved that woman. Jessi, red-faced with embarrassment, stood up and narrowed her eyes at her mother.
• "Always trying to embarrass me, huh, Mom?" she said and stormed out of the room, slamming the door to the living room.
• "As I was saying, Cel..." my aunt began again, ignoring Jessi's little scene, "Ana asked how long you plan to stay here."
• I looked at Ana, the woman was around twenty and very beautiful. She was young and must be the fifth or sixth wife of one of those men, as most of them were over forty.
• "Well, a year," I replied concisely and politely.
• "And what will you do after that, young lady?" She took a sip of her tea, and I swear it looked like she was mocking me.
• Little girl? We were only damn three years apart.
• "Get a job."
• "Aren't you going to continue studying?"
• "Did you?" I replied without thinking.
• The women stared at me with wide eyes and open mouths, as if they were offended. I looked at my aunt, expecting her to tell me to go to my room, but she was smiling... she was damn well smiling at me!
• I thought my aunt was one of those people who cared about her reputation, but with this? I'm confused, and I realize how wrong I was about her. Dave and Jessi, they don't escape my opinion.
• The women changed the subject, and after an hour, they all left, leaving only my aunt and me. She talked to me about how difficult it had been for her to endure all these years with her husband.
• "Why didn't you leave?" I asked with a furrowed brow. I couldn't bear so many years of psychological abuse. Never. I was going to endure a year in this house because I knew that after that time, I would take care of my mother, once and for all. That was the only thing that consoled me, and that's why I could say I was somewhat happy. I had a roof over my head, food, and education. That's all I needed.
• "Jessi... Even though she can be a bitch sometimes, she's my daughter, and I love her," she shrugged and kissed me. "I'm going to bed, little one. Rest."
• She started walking towards the stairs, but something stopped her. She turned to look at me and smiled. "We'll go shopping for new and pretty clothes tomorrow. I need to get out."
• I was about to say that I didn't need anything pretty, but she interrupted me. "And your dress is beautiful."
• With one last wink, she continued walking up the stairs, and I waited until I heard the sound of her door closing to smile. That woman is fantastic. She always wanted to take me with her, and thinking she was just another fake person like the others in the other room, I refused to even get to know her. I saw my mistake and how wrong I was. Years wasted for nothing. I never received so much kindness. Even if my mother wanted to give me love, she couldn't. She wasn't mentally capable of it. Finally having some genuine affection from someone is simply new and... strange —in a good way—for me.
• ***
• Waking up for school was a total challenge for me. But I did it. Still waiting for applause.
• I finished putting on my shoes, grabbed my backpack, and headed downstairs to the living room. My uncle was there, looking me up and down, and I felt a chill run down my spine. He had never done anything to me, rarely even spoke to me, but I still felt like this man was a son of a bitch.
• "Good morning, sir. I... I'll wait outside for Jessi," I said, smiling, and turned around to run towards the front door.
• "No, wait, Celina. Have a seat. Would you like some coffee?" he offered, and everything inside of me screamed:
• «Say no, damn it».
• "Okay..."
• I sat far away from Dave as he called for Martha, the one who attended to the homeowners and guests in the house. I never asked her for anything, I never could. I had legs to get what I needed, and I would never bother her with something as simple as bringing me a cup of coffee. In this situation, I couldn't do anything for her, since it was my idiot uncle who was asking her for the coffee.
• Martha left, and Dave focused his gaze on me, trying to intimidate me, but it didn't work out too well, as I maintained my indifferent stare in defiance of his.
• "You know, I was a little opposed to your stay here at first," a little? "But I see that you're a quiet girl and won't cause any trouble, right?"
• I thought for a couple of seconds before responding. I noticed his threatening tone, as if saying... «Cause trouble, and you'll end up in a ditch» Okay, maybe not that extreme, but this guy has the face of a mobster.
• "What do you mean by trouble, sir?" I knew my voice didn't sound friendly, and I didn't intend for it to be. I felt my face burning with anger, progressing towards its boiling point.
• "As you can see, my wife and I are not on the best terms, and right now, I don't need someone who will further worsen our situation. I mean, you won't turn my wife against me anymore. Her behavior last night was completely out of line, and if you're still here, it's a miracle. Take care of yourself, seriously, I'm not a patient man."
• "I don't turn anyone against anyone, sir, I..." «You alone sticking your dick where it doesn't belong is what turned my aunt against you» I was going to continue and tell him off, but I stopped myself. I couldn't afford to insult him or reproach him. "I know. I'll behave. It won't happen again, like last night."
• I don't know where I found the patience to say that, but it was done. He was trying to keep his arrogance afloat. He didn't expect me to be compliant.
• "Very well, you can go if you want."
• I readjusted my backpack on my shoulder and headed towards the front door, leaving Dave with a smug expression on his face. Just as I started to open the door, Jessi appeared behind me with a rather fake smile.
• "Ready?" she asked, grabbing her phone and typing a text.
• "Yes," I replied, glancing sideways at where I had left her father, happier than ever. I walked out of the house towards Jessi's car and waited for her to unlock the door. She took her sweet time doing it, as she was more concerned with texting than with not being late for our Literature class.
• "Jessi... We're going to be late," I muttered.
• "Why are you such a hysterical person?" she rolled her eyes and unlocked the doors. I got in, and she took agonizingly slow steps to get into the damn car.
• This girl was driving me fucking crazy.