Chapter 24

• I’d spent two weeks in the AA room crying my heart out. When I had no more tears to shed, I counted all the bottles mounted on the walls. When I was done with that I counted the tiles, and then the raindrops that hit the window. Eating and drinking became a second necessity for me; the lives inside me didn’t even matter. Every time I heard footsteps outside the door, or the phone ring or the door open I thought it was Ash. But when I checked and it wasn’t him. It made me sink deeper into my depression.
• Jane had called a couple of times to ask why I wasn’t at school but Ann came up with a number of excuses. I wasn’t going to go anywhere until Ash came back. The guys debated on breaking the wall but my sisters wouldn’t have it they said I needed time. Billy also wasn’t going to risk losing all that liquor just to get me out. Joe was mostly worried about my health and that of the twins. I was starving myself in the process starving them. He had tried on countless occasions to make me see that, but I didn’t care enough to open the door.
• On the last day in my old sanctuary, I was sitting at the window gaping out in the dark. I thought I saw Ash’s silver eyes stare at me. I was ecstatic. I ran out of the room and out the door towards the woods calling for him. I thought he’d forgiven me and come back to me. I got a few feet into the woods before I dropped to my knees exhausted, but I crawled in deeper, I wasn’t going to risk the chance of not catching up to him. When I couldn’t move any further, I lay on the ground and curled up on my side, my arms crossed under my head as a pillow. I wanted to sleep. I was tired of life, of pain, and loss. I just wanted to be numb, not feel or care about anything.