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Chapter 5 Confess

  • My voice almost broke because of frustration. For sure I'm red as tomato. He embarrassed me in front of Erato.. What would he think? That we’re really still watch barbie? That I'm really am a kid?
  • "You are not going-"
  • He couldn't continue what he was saying when his phone rang. He excused himself and so me and Erato left in each other's company. He was about to left too when I called him.
  • "Erato,"
  • He stopped and his posture turned around and faced me. His eyes are still lazy, he doesn't seem to care but I still can't help but cover myself. He turned to me.
  • "We don't watch ... b-barbie."
  • His eyes are almost sleepy listening to me. It took a few seconds before he seemed to get what I said. He lazily chuckled cocked his head.
  • "Why not?"
  • My eyes lit up because he didn’t ignore me and he didn’t finish thetalk.
  • "C-Cause, we're all grown up now."
  • "And you need experience?"
  • "Huh?"
  • I wonder what to say.
  • "You said it a while ago, that you need experience."
  • I smiled raw, I didn't accidentally comb my hair again because I was nervous when he looked at me. Why he gonna be this handsome?
  • "Yeah. Then…. maybe yes, but now our interests are different."
  • He did not say anything, instead his eyes roamed my body from head down to my feet. I felt uncomfortable that I unintentionally bit my lips. Is he finding me attractive now?
  • Oh my god, I think I'm sweating too much.
  • "What interests you then?"
  • The side of his lips rose a little. My heart was pounding like a drum.
  • Shit, shit, shit. What shall I answer? Asia's next top model? No, he doesn't like that. What are his interests besides law and chess? Woman? But I like men, the heck. Internal battle is real.
  • "Uhm ..."
  • He raised his eyebrows waiting for my answer.
  • "Uhm ... Porn! Yeah! S-see? We're matured now and-"
  • "You watch porn?"
  • He said emphatically.
  • "Yeah! Isn't it like that? We're matured now and we don't watch barbie-"
  • "Bullshit."
  • He cut me off again. I was dumbfounded by his reaction. He laughed sarcastically as his palm caressed his nape. He clenched his jaw and his eyes are clearly telling me he's annoyed. He's mad again ... fvck you, self.
  • "Matured girls don't act like that. You look like you're still staying up late playing with your barbie dolls."
  • He hissed. With a floating mind he left me.
  • What? I felt like a slap to realize what he meant.
  • "Fvcking barbie."
  • I whispered to my self while doing my sets of stretching.
  • I stared at myself in the wide studio mirror. I stretched my legs more not minding the pain of it. It's been a while since the last time I did some stretching.
  • I quit on my ballet class for a few months now because I feel like it doesn't contribute anything to my life. No, I just think that not all the things that you have are meant for you.
  • It's been a few weeks since Erato told me that and it's been a few weeks since the truth hit me.
  • Do I look like I still watch barbie? And why did he even get mad when I said I watch porn?
  • I don't, okay? Just this one time when one from our group of friends showed me this video and that's it. What will I benefit from watching that anyway?
  • I just said that because I thought that's what interests him. According to the survey people of the same interest often get along, that’s what I did! Why is he so angry?
  • After some stretching I stood and looked at my posture. My boobs are not big enough, I cupped it just to make a point.
  • "Hmmm."
  • I turned around and looked at my buttocks, which weren't that big either, but if you look at the shape of my whole body, it's okay. I bit my lips thinking about Erato's affairs.
  • I was in grade 7 when I first realized that I like him. I was a kid and so I thought I was just attracted and this was just some sort of infatuation.
  • I was home schooled for elementary days and apart from my brother Jax he was the only other man I could see so I thought it was just a simple admiration. He was on senior high when he knew about my feelings.
  • "I'm telling you Jade. He won't accept it. Give him a condom for sure he’ll accept it."
  • Olivia teased. I was very nervous about what she said but nothing stopped me.
  • From my recital for my grade ballet, I hurried home to change into formal clothes. It's hearts day today, and I heard they are having some get together in Jax's place.
  • I planned and did my gift to him for a few weeks now, I thought about it carefully so I was happy that my older brother Jax allowed us to go to their party. I made it with full of effort and love. I didn't even get any help by our house helps.
  • "Why condoms? You have a dirty mind Olivia. Erato is not like that."
  • She laughed mockingly.
  • "What? Me? The one who’s dirty minded? You're defending that Erato too much. Wait till you see it yourself."
  • I did not believe Olivia. Erato might be snob and handsome which why girls flocks over him but he's not like that. That's why Daddy likes him because he's a good boy than Jax.
  • We always meet at home, and the only meeting we always have is when my brother and I play x box or when daddy and him play some “bored” board games.
  • Other than that, nothing else. This is my first time to see him outside and it's making me nervous and excited at the same time. All the planning and sleepless nights, now I'll make it happen.
  • "I'll confess to him, Olivia."