Chapter 164 Esme

• Walking back to my apartment having watched Gabe walk away from me, knowing that he had basically told me he didn’t want to see me again was one of the most painful things I had done. I couldnt believe he had said the things he had. I know I can’t have him, but I don’t want to let him go either. It was such a difficult position to be in. I thought maybe we could still chat or occasionally meet up, I guess. As spending time with him today has been good, I love being around him, it just feels right, so natural and like it is meant to be.
• Which I know is stupid, as I know it is technically meant to be as it is what the Moon Goddess has fated, she has fated for Gabe and I to be together, to be a couple, so it should only feel right for us to be together, to be in one another's company. Yet there is too much at risk for us from being together. Why did things have to work out like this? It just seems so unfair. It had felt so good being by his side today. I had sat there wondering if people were looking at us assuming we were a couple and the thought that they may be thinking that actually made me feel proud; despite the fact he and I can't be together, despite the fact he isn't actually mine and likely never will be. No, that he never will be mine. I hate that.
• I thought when he kissed me he wanted the same thing, hoped perhaps he would consider being together, but not as mates, as selfish as that may be. So when he uttered the words he thought it was better we didn’t see each other or speak to each other, it felt like my heart had shattered into even more pieces than it was already currently broken into through the mess of a situation we were already in. I thought he wanted the same things I did.