Chapter 1

• ELOISE
• “Sleep tight, Eloise,” My father said as he tucked me in and gave me my favorite stuffed wolf.
• I yawned and pulled the blanket up to my chin, all the while studying the man leaning over me with a strange look in his eye. He had been acting strange for weeks, full of energy one day and then unable to get out of bed the next. Mother had told me that he was just going through a midlife crisis. I had no idea what that was. All I knew was that I just wanted my daddy back. The man staring at me felt more or less like a stranger, and he gave me a weird feeling. A chill that crept down my spine each time his bloodshot eyes travelled in my direction.
• “No matter what, I want you to stay in bed tonight, do you understand, Eloise?” He asked as he abruptly grabbed the stuffed wolf out of my arms and fixated his attention on it.
• “Please give him back, Daddy,” I begged as I stretched out my arms for the wolf I had come to depend on lately. Daddy wasn’t the only one who’d been acting strange; Mommy had been acting weird too, crying in her bedroom at all hours and screaming at Dad for stuff I didn’t understand.
• Daddy tossed the wolf at me and leaned closer until I was shrinking back against my pillow, gripping the toy tightly against me. Daddy’s teeth elongated into sharp points, and his eyes took on a golden glow as a low growl pulled from his throat.
• “Stay in your bed,” he pressed, the rumble of his wolf pulsing through his voice with authority.
• I nodded quickly, not wanting to make him infuriated.
• His teeth receded after he stared at me for another moment, and he must have believed me because he shortly turned and left the room, shutting the door behind him. A moment later, I heard the click on my doorknob that let me know he had locked it. I didn’t worry too much about that. This was not the first time it had happened and daddy wasn't the only one who did it too. Mum did too. She claimed it was to protect me from seeing things that would disturb me. I shut my eyes and counted sheep. When morning came, the door would be opened again. I listened to daddy even when the sensation on my back told me not to. I just had to wait. I just had to.
• ***
• I didn't expect to wake up a few moments after but I found it difficult to breathe. There was something in the air that forced me to spurt out of the bed. A heavy cloud that burned my nostrils and lungs. The room was hazy when my eyes adjusted to the sight. Smoke. There was smoke in every corner. I tried to yell for my parents but the moments I took in a lungful of the air, my lungs crumbled and I choked. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I struggled to keep my eyes open so I could see where I was going. All I could taste and breathe in was smoke and ash. My breath was also beginning to come out in gasps. The smoke was surging in from under the scrapes of my door. It made me realize that the smoke was coming from out there. I also knew from all the fire drills my school had made me take that this smoke was not as a result of burned food. There was fire out there. Fire that was sure to spread here soon enough if I didn't get out. For a moment, I ran towards the window. It would have been the safest way out of it was not on the second floor and barricaded. I looked back to the door. The smoke streaming was getting closer. Grabbing my doll, I ran towards the door and pulled at the doorknob. The act alone made me feel like I was going to collapse any second. My eyes were burning. Same with my lungs. After a series of tugging and no budge, I realized that my father had locked the door earlier. I would have panicked but the metal knob tight in my hands was cool to the touch. That was good. It was another fire safety thingy we learned in school. I coughed again. This time with a force that hurt because it felt like I was going to hurl out the entirety of my insides. There was no time to panic. My throat kept burning as I struggled to find the pin I had hidden between the creaky baseboards of my aged room. It was for emergency. For example, if I was thirsty or a little bit hungry. I gasped in relief when I found it and instantly started poking the metal in to the keyhole and working through the coil. I had practice. Several nights where I had been too thirsty or hungry to wait for mom to unlock my door in the morning. So even in the smoke, I got the coil to unlock in a matter of minutes. As soon as the unlocked door creaked open, a wall of thick black smoke pounded my face and inside my room.
• “Mommy! Daddy! Mommy!” I screamed before erupting in another coughing fit. No one appeared in the corridor, and I couldn’t hear anything besides the sound of flames crackling and timber creaking and breaking from somewhere not to fr away.
• I wandered down the hallway, stopping at mom's room. Her door was cracked open. And when I say cracked, I mean half of it wasn't where it was supposed to be. It looked like it has been broken into. Worried sick, I staggered inside. The room was a mess. There was clothes strew everywhere but soon enough, I realized that mom was on her bed. She must have passed out due to the smoke.
• "Mum!" I yelled as I ran to her side but as I jumped into the bed, my knees touched something warm and wet. The smoke was seeping thickly into the room but I could tell what is was. Blood. My little marbles struggled to comprehend why that was so but when I looked at my mother, I got a rude awakening. Her body was cut open. Her eyes were bulging out of her eye sockets. Her nose and half of her face was also missing. She was... dead.
• "No..." I gasped, wanting to pull her close and hug her. I wanted this to be a nightmare but the air, the heat and the sight before me told a different story. I remained livid even when a beam of wood collapsed behind me propelling embers of red across the room. The same embers started small fire. A fire that was beginning to grow into a massive inferno. Just then, I heard footsteps behind me.
• “Why are you out of your room?” I heard my father shriek.
• I peeked my head to look at him. His face was darkened. His eyes were a bright yellow and he had crimson stains all over him. Except he wasn't hurt like mom. He didn't even seem to care that mum was dead on their bed.
• "Something happened to mum." I whispered.
• "Go back to your room and sleep." He ordered, ignoring everything I just said.
• I stood there frozen as I realized what no child should discover. I remained there frozen as the words echoed in the recess of my mind. Daddy killed mommy.
• "Daddy," I spoke softly. "Did you hurt mommy?"
• I could see the insanity in his eyes as he approached me, grabbed me by the throat and lifted me high enough to meet his insidious glare. "I didn't want to have to hurt you Eloise."
• "Daddy please," I struggled to say while struggling to breathe. My lungs were tired. I could feel my consciousness begin to wane whilst my legs struggled and kicked. Not that any of that was enough to stop him. "I have been a good girl."
• At that point, I was gasping for dear life. My head feeling light and fuzzy. I faintly heard daddy say something. Something about the peace he was going to get when I joined my mother. He warned me not to make him feel guilty. This was it, I thought. I was going to die. In the hands of my own father but just as life began to depart me, I heard another voice. This one was soothing. Like the voice of an elder sister. Perhaps it was my brain's way of making this specific moment less painful.
• "Do not be afraid. We will not die Eloise. This, I promise you." Those were her specific words and the last thing I heard as my father's iron grip crushed my throat.
• ***
• ELOISE
• My fingers found the sink valve and I twisted it open. The sound of water against the palm of my hand was the relief I wanted. Despite downing sleep pills last night, I has barely had any sleep and when sleep did come, my nightmare just had to butt in. I splashed the cool water on my face. It was the only thing strong enough to rouse me from the tight rein sleep still had on me. I stepped back into the bedroom and stared at my alarm clock.
• 5:30.
• Plenty of time for me to do what I wanted. I took my good time in the bathroom and prepared for work. It had been a year since I graduated from high school in the small town of Ashlake. I was supposed to leave for college two cities away but I couldn't manage. Mom and Dad already had a lot on their plates. A college so far away would wreck their finances. I didn't want that. Finishing up in the bathroom, I proceeded to dress and step into the kitchen at exactly 6:30. Mom and Dad were already there. No surprise. A plate of bacon and eggs were put in place where I was expected to sit and the glum look on their face told me this was going to be another therapy session. I was never wrong. I had my seat and just before I picked up my fork, the onslaught of questions began.
• "Eloise," Mother began, the look of worry fitting her aging face well. She was the epitome of the doting mother. "Did you have another nightmare?"
• I didn't look up. Not until I had picked up the fork. "No mom. Why do you ask?"
• "Eloise," She continued, reaching out for my hand but I withdrew it before she came in close contact. Not because her touch repulsed me but because I didn't want to break. I didn't want them worrying again. "You don't have to lie if you are not alright. We are here for you Eloise. If the Nightmares are coming back, we can reach out to your therapist."
• And add another load of debt unto their backs all because I was broken. Broken beyond repair. I kept the bold front and forked a piece of bacon. It's just nightmares, I told myself. "I'm fine mom. I did scream this morning but that was because John recommended some twisted A24 horror movie I decided to check out. Do not watch the wandering. Simply horrific."
• They shared a knowing look among themselves and Dad who had been quiet all through the conversation finally spoke. "You and John are still in contact?"
• John was my ex-boyfriend all through high school. We had also gotten accepted to the same college. With the way things were going, you would think we would finally have the happily ever after we deserved. We were crowned Prom King and Queen after all. The definition of soul mates but two weeks before our supposed trip, I had cut ties with him. It wasn't because he was cheating or that I was bored of our relationship. I just did not want to go because I knew all too well the damage it would render to my parent's finances. They had done so much for me. I just couldn't just stay selfish and leave. John and I were not on speaking terms. John hated me. Believed I had always shut him out because I didn't love him but in truth, I did love John. I just didn't want him to keep waiting for me. I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted. John wanted a life of intrigue and adventure. I craved my safe space and that expanse happened to be Ashlake.
• "Yes," I lied, stabbing into scrambled eggs and tossing them into my mouth. "Just because we had a falling out doesn't make us mortal enemies."
• Unlike mom, Dad was more distrustful of my replies. He didn't challenge me but you could see it in his judgy grey eyes. It took everything I had not to break in the presence of that steel stare.
• "Well," Dad continued. "If you are John are now in contact. That means you are considering accepting your college..."
• "No Dad." I cut in. "I'm fine here with you guys. I make an honest living at the cafe and when I've saved enough, I'll move to my apartment."
• "Eloise, the therapist said people who have gone through what you experienced have a difficulty adapting to change. She said trauma changes the way the brain, emotional energy, and nervous system respond to stress. Is that what you are afraid of Eloise? Is that why you ding want to leave Ashlake?"
• I wished I had answers to those questions. I didn't obviously. It was one of the things John had demanded I answer when I cut off our relationship. It was almost like all of them could read me like a book. I did not like it but it wasn't like I could stop it. I however could deny it. "I don't have trouble adapting to change Dad. I just believe College isn't for me. I am allowed to make that decision for myself as an adult right?"
• "Yes." Mom quickly chipped in, wanting nothing more than for the tension to end. I wanted that too. "As long you are happy."
• Those endearing words tore right through my bold front. I faltered and the plastic smile I wore died. That I knew. I wasn't happy. Why? I had no idea or maybe I just didn't want to go digging because I knew there was a high tendency I might not like what I found. Dad's eagle eyes did not miss that.
• "Are you happy Eloise?"
• I was silent. I squeezed my fork tighter praying something would come. A reply that would satisfy him. But I couldn't come up with a damn thing. My pause gave enough for both my parents to go papa bear on me.
• "Eloise, you know, If you want to be happier, you have to try. You have to put in an effort. I am starting to think your problem is you do not try. Life is giving you this opportunity to explore the world, to make a future you deserve for yourself. Why are you hellbent on throwing all that away?"
• I stopped playing with the fork in my hands. He had no idea. Well, today I was not having it. I looked him in the eye and replied. "I do try Dad. I have tried. I have tried for twenty years and it still feels the same. It's exhausting. You are exhausting. But I don't blame you. I just need time. I'll have enough and stop causing you two so much pain."
• I didn't see mom get angry often but what I just said triggered her wrath. She slammed her fist into the table. "Stop it both of you. Honey, Eloise is an adult. She can make her own decisions and if she believes it is what she wants. Our job as parents is to stand by her." She paused and then looked in my direction. "And Eloise, you aren't causing us pain. You are not baggage. You are our daughter."
• I knew she said it with the purest of intentions but all that statement did was remind me that the kind old woman in front of me wasn't my mother. Neither was the protective figure on the other side my Dad. At least not in the biological sense. My biological mother was dead. Killed by my own father. He was never found. The couple in front of me adopted me after that unfortunate incident and I was forever grateful.
• "I know." I smiled in spite of the chaos that ensued in my head. I flipped my mobile phone open and took a peek at the time. An opportunity. I took it. "I'm getting late for work., I said, standing up. "I'll see you guys later this evening." That said, I dropped my half empty plate into the sink and walked out.