And I had another sleepless night. I think this is becoming a routine. And here I am, sitting on the bed with my knees bent trying to relax, even though I know I won't be able to.
I look at the clock on the bedside table and notice that it is almost five in the morning. I decide to get up, go to the kitchen and start making breakfast. Soon Vanessa would wake up with a great hunger.
Sometimes I am very jealous of her. My sister is perfect in everything. She has a body to envy. Beautiful long black hair. We are completely different, I am a redhead with wavy hair.
Vanessa always says that I took after our mother - God rest her soul. Sometimes it is hard to think that our parents ended up dying in a plane crash a few years ago.
I make a not too strong cup of coffee and start to drink it, immediately feeling its wonderful taste. I stand there deep in thought, when I bump into Vanessa.
- Have you been standing there long? - I ask, curious.
- Not really! Have you lost sleep?
- Honestly, I haven't slept yet.
- Did you have nightmares again?
- Duda, you need to get help again.
- I don't think I need to," I disagree. I don't feel comfortable talking about my life to a stranger.
- Duda, my sister, of course you do!
- We'd better change the subject.
- OK, let's leave it alone for now," she gives in, and I thank God.
- Tell me about the work party, will you bring me chocolate? - I ask, can't wait to eat those wonderful chocolates.
- So, I have already closed the buffet, and the baskets are prepared with chocolates, besides our Christmas basket.
- Oh, delicious, Vane, I love those chocolates.
- I know, and I was just talking to my boss about you! - she says, without looking at me.
- Vane! - I warn her, and glare at her, who looks at me as if I haven't said anything.
- Don't worry, I'm not trying to get you two together, no!
- That's very good! - I feel calmer.
- So, let me tell you, he asked me to invite you to the staff party.
- Oh, of course you said I wouldn't, right?
- So... - she takes a long time to answer, and I glare at her again.
- Damn it, Vane! - Ever since I was raped, I have had some kind of trauma, or rather several, and one of them is leaving home to go to some party.
- Hey, I didn't say anything, I just said I needed to ask you," she defends herself.
- Um, I know! - I look at her suspiciously.
- But it's true, and, honestly, I think it's time you started going out.
- Vane, I don't feel ready yet.
- Duda, if you don't leave the house, you will never feel ready!
I know what she is saying is true. The only problem is that every time I am invited to go to a party or even a bar I have some kind of block.
- Duda, wake up! - Vane shakes me.
- What happened? - I ask, not understanding anything.
- It seemed like you were in a trance," she jokes.
- I was thinking about what you were saying!
- So, are you going? - she asks hopefully.
- I haven't decided yet.
- Duda, what do you say we go to the mall after work? - Vane asks, all excited, and I don't want to spoil her happiness, so I decide to give in for now.
- I'll meet you there, what do you think?
- What do you say you meet me there at work?
- Well... I don't know!
- Come on, no one will bite you! - she jokes, and I get the feeling that could happen.
- OK, OK! I'll meet you there," I answer, already regretting having agreed to this walk.
- Great! I want to buy some nice clothes to go out with my doctor," Vane says, dreamily.
My sister really did end up dating my doctor. Of course this couldn't happen when I was in the hospital. But that was no obstacle for my former doctor, who is now my brother-in-law and friend.
He is the only man I let near me. I know he wouldn't hurt me. I owe a lot to Dr. Lucas Leão, my future brother-in-law.
- Vane, it's time for you two to make it official, isn't it? - I joke, knowing that she always talks about it.
- Yes," she agrees, all excited.
- Thank God!
- So, he invited me to dinner tomorrow, I think he is going to propose.
- You deserve so much, my sister! - I say, sincerely.
- And you too, Duda, just let love knock at the door.
I look at the clock and see that it is six o'clock in the morning.
- Well, let's change the subject, I need to take a shower and get ready, in a little while I have to go to school," I stagger, getting up and going towards the stairs, when I hear her calling me. I pretend not to hear her, but when I am already on the first step I hear her shout.
- Duda! - I notice the warning in her voice.
- What is it? - I pretend not to understand.
- You know you can't run away forever, no!
I know I can't, and I just answer:
- Yes, I know! - and rush upstairs, not wanting to answer any more questions.