Chapter 1 (Wounded Heart)

• *sigh* Hearing all the loud noises from the reception, I dragged my two suitcases towards the staircase and paused looking up at those floors. Ufff… I should take them to the third floor and even before I start, I’m aching all over.
• “hurry up sweety, go to your room. Grab the best cot before your roommates grabs it, should I come and help you? Huh?” came my mom’s concerned voice from behind, I looked back at her.
• All I see is her ever beautiful face that has now lost its lustrous look, with heavy dark circles and eyes constantly on the verge of shedding tears.
• My brave mom is fading away in front of my eyes and this disturbs me more than what I’m going through right now.
• At least for her I should do this, overcome and face the reality, gulping down my emotions that I’m getting used to it so far now, I gave her my smile.
• The robotic smile which I’m very sure she knows it as fake but still goes along with me every time in these past few days.
• “it’s ok mom, I can do it. Just wait for me here” I said dragging my luggage, pillow and the bucket that I am going to use for this one year of my stay in this hostel.
• My mom hummed in response and turned to talk with the hostel warden. I can hear her say that I needed some attention and should be watched over because of what I’m going through and those difficult times in my life lately.
• I can feel warden's look of pity, I just sighed and started climbing the stairs, two steps at a time as if trying to run away from those pitiful stares which was actually true.
• I reached the floor to see the room I’m going to stay is already open. I knocked a little and went in to find a girl sitting on a cot that was near the window. She looked at me with excitement overflowing causing me to smile involuntarily.
• “Hii, I’m Anika. Are you going to be my roommate?” she asked all bubbly passing her excitement into me. Her eyes were sparkling in excitement and with some expectations for her roommate.
• “Hi, I’m Ivy. Nice to meet you roommate.” I said and she beamed at me. Hurriedly came and helped me with my luggage to place it opposite of her cot near the window.
• “Ivy.. umm.. sis?” she called me with an uncertain tone of how to call me. Hmmm… Yea I get it, I can see her probably 5yrs younger than me?
• “you can call me however you want. I don’t mind, I guess you must have graduated this year?” I asked and she quickly nodded her head.
• “ yes, sissy. I did complete my UG this summer and I’m really excited to do this teaching course.” She said while I sat down to place my suitcases under the cot.
• “that’s good, you seem very interested in teaching “I said and she nodded while connecting her phone to the charger.
• “yesss.. finally I can become a teacher and take my revenge of spanking those naughty kids and behave like I’m the adult over them” she said and I burst out laughing.
• “so, the teaching is not in the way to teach and guide those kids?” her cheeks reddened and she looked like a cute little bunny.
• “Alright dear, but don’t forget not to touch those kids or else you will be punished by the law” I said and she did a dramatic sigh making me to laugh loudly.
• She laughed with me and suddenly just like a deer she jumped to the other side of the room to pick her mobile to attend the call which I barely noticed the sound of ringtone.
• I guess my days here with her will not be that bad. At least I won’t be reminded of my nightmare and yea I should inform my mom that I got a good roommate.
• Remembering my mom waiting for me downstairs, I quickly went out to meet my mom without disturbing Anika after seeing her lost in the phone call, her expressions says she isn’t talking with her family.
• As I reached near my mom, I can see the hostel warden throwing me some of the pity stares. Guess, my mom didn’t stay quiet and vomited everything. *sigh*
• “mom” I called and she looked at my not so happy face for what she is doing. She gulped hard seeing me and got up from the seat excusing from the warden.
• “sweety, I found out this warden is truly God sent blessing for you. She will help in everything you ask for and you don’t have to worry. And by the way did you grab the best cot?” she asked and I nodded my head which made her to breath in relief.
• “mom, you don’t have to worry about me. I will be alright, my roommate is such a sweet girl and I assure you to make new friends and be happy” I said and she nodded with tiny drops of tears gathering near the corner of her eyes. Argh...
• This won’t do any good and I probably should make her leave or I will join along with her in tears. I can’t release them in front of her which would break her heart even more.
• “mom, the driver is waiting for you and probably you should leave now before you get caught in traffic. So that you can reach the city in time” I said pushing her out of the hostel despite her struggles.
• She dejectedly sat inside the car glaring at me. Never mind, I will not let her stay and cry, enough of making her cry all these days.
• “I’m sorry my child, I’m really sorry. I was left with no choice than to send you here..” before she could finish, I hugged her tightly swallowing my tears.
• “mom, it’s ok. Don’t be sad and please don’t blame yourself. I will not stay broken and I will build myself” I said trying to be confident and hiding my choking voice. She patted my back lovingly and asked the driver to start the car after giving a kiss on my cheek.
• I stood there watching the car moving little by little out of the compound. As if on cue, my tears started rolling down from my eyes.
• I don’t want to show this broken side of mine to anyone, specifically my mom, who is already wallowing in self-blame for my current state.