Chapter 4 Wanting

• When I woke, the fantasy was only partially gone.
• It was now something I’d yearn for.
• Something I’d think about endlessly.
• Something I had to have.
• She spoke softly to me again. Luring me to the room where she’d cut the food. And where she kept a bucket of water. She pulled a rag out of it and knelt down next to me. Murmuring words I didn’t understand as she rubbed along my ribs.
• She put the cold rag to the wound on my shoulder and I snapped at her.
• She reared back and I was instantly contrite.
• Whining as I ducked my head. I didn’t mean to.
• She’d startled me.
• And it hurt.
• When she tentatively touched it again. I snarled but kept my head down. Gritting my teeth to keep from snapping at her again.
• I sniffed and realized the smell of my blood was waning as the water in the bucket darkened.
• She’s getting it off.
• And as she rubbed the wound slightly, some of the pain of the skin pulling and bits of fur stuck in it, began to abate.
• I huffed in relief.
• “Better?” She queried. Twisting out the red rag for the tenth time.
• I lifted yellow eyes to look at her. Feeling the fur above my brow move.
• “Good.” She ruffled my shoulder.
• My hair stood on end as she rubbed it the wrong way. I gave her a narrowed-eye look but she was undeterred as she twisted to pick up a long strip of yellow fabric.
• I took a quick step back from the bright color. Unsure what I was looking at.
• And what she’s going to do with it.
• But she lowered it before me so I could sniff it.
• It smelled like her.
• Nice. Sweet. Flowers.
• “I’m going to wrap this around you.” She said quietly. “To keep it from getting infected.”
• I understood parts of what she said. But was totally unprepared when she tucked the foreign thing under me.
• I lifted a paw and dropped my head to peer at her hand.
• “It’s okay.” She patted my neck. Making me jump.
• She was still until I relaxed. Then she brought the fabric back up over my shoulder then around to the other side of my ribs and back around the wound again before tying it over my back.
• I gave a sound of objection. Whipping my head to try to see what she was doing. Then to sniff the knot she’d made.
• I blinked up at her. What have you done to me?
• When she went out to do whatever she had to, for the day. She ushered me out and closed the door.
• I scratched it for a while. Afraid she’d never let me back in. That warmth and food was gone. And now I had this horrible fabric around me that would allow other beasts to spot me from any distance.
• Making me easy for the bigger wolves to hunt.
• A trickle of worry rolled through me.
• But she came back. Greeting me with a pat on the head and taking in a basket of wildflowers. Pulling them out she retrieved some berries from the bottom. Offering me one.
• I sniffed it disdainfully and blinked yellow eyes at her nearly chidingly.
• She laughed. “Fine.”
• She tossed it in her mouth.
• Food.
• She’s hungry.
• It occurred to me what I could do to stay.
• To make sure she wouldn’t want me to go.
• When she went back out, guiding me out with her, I was less afraid she’d never come back.
• Or leave me out here.
• So, I left. Careful not to cross paths with the stray that had wanted to take my head off. I began to swing a wide circle. Having renewed confidence now that I had someone.
• Someone I want to provide for.
• Then she’ll let me stay.
• I soon found a young boar, barely more than a piglet. But it was a start.
• I hunkered, ignoring the flaring pain in my shoulder as I positioned for an ambush. I cast a look over my shoulder to watch my back. Knowing that the fabric tied in a bow around me, was going to make it damn hard to remain inconspicuous.
• But there’s nothing else out here.
• The piglet snorted as it took a few steps closer.
• I snatched it triumphantly between my teeth. Shaking it until something crunched and it stopped moving.
• Yes.
• But what I didn’t anticipate was that where there were boar piglets, there was bound to be an angry boar mother.
• And she was coming.
• Straight at me.
• I heard her snort and lunged out of her charge. Instantly feeling a burn in my shoulder but not relinquishing my meal. I dodged another charge and then rounded a boulder before hiding behind a trunk. Well outrunning her.
• Once I saw her disturbing the brush a distance away, I quietly left the area. Returning to the hut to wait for the woman.
• To show her my bloody, delicious, prize.
• It seemed like it was taking forever.
• I was nudging the meat back and forth, tempted to go ahead and eat it.
• It smelled so good.
• But I heard a branch crack and caught the familiar scent of the yellow forest flowers.
• She’s back.
• She came into view, and I was so ecstatic to see her I was leaping side to side.
• She laughed at me. “I see you.”
• I snatched up the piglet. Dropping it before getting a good enough grip to lift it for her inspection.
• “What did you find?” She gave it a good once-over. “Well, done.”
• She patted my head.
• Walking past me to reach for the door. Opening it she waited for me to enter behind her.
• I pranced in with my kill walking over and rising up onto my back legs to set it on the table for her to cut up.
• “No, no.” She shook her head. “That’s not how it’s done in here?”
• I gave her a worried glance as she lifted the piglet by a leg. Seeing the blood in its split chest.
• She went over by the fire and plucked at it. Pulling it apart a bit and putting the rod through it.
• Whining, I laid on the fur. Staring at it hungrily. I licked my chomps every time she walked over to give it a turn.
• I looked at her from beneath my brow. My yellow eyes soulful.
• I want to eat it now.
• But every minute it cooked, it smelled even better.
• I rose when she got the cloths to put over her hands.
• I was dancing behind her as she walked to the table.
• “Just a minute.” She said. Pushing me aside as she got there.
• She wiped it with a cool rag. Making it hiss as it instantly cooled.
• She stuck a dagger in it and began cutting pieces off. She divided them between us and when I eagerly licked up my pieces, I closed my eyes to savor the flavor.
• They were Heavenly.
• The best meat I’ve ever had.
• I decided I liked the meat cooked.
• Her way.
• I was young. And she was teaching me how to eat.
• So, I was eager to learn.
• ***
• I took in everything. I was smarter than anyone in my pack had realized.
• Eventually, she was taking me with her. Walking me to the river and back.
• I tried to stay by her side as she indicated she wanted me to.
• But sometimes I got eager and wandered off.
• When I heard her step on a twig or kick a rock, I remembered I left her and rushed back.
• Despite what she’d said, she let me stay.
• I brought home food. She cooked it. And she let me stay.
• Nearly a year had passed, and I was restless. Thinking of that dream. Envisioning her touch on me. Feeling how it aroused me.
• I wanted more.
• I was outside with her one day when I caught the scent of a female wolf.
• Every male instinct in me went wild and I pursued that scent. Finding her licking her paws from eating something she’d just killed.
• I couldn’t wait. I climbed over her. Hooking her shoulders with my paws and shifting my hips to try to find relief for my aching parts.
• But in moments, she’d somehow managed to turn within her own skin. Sinking vicious teeth into my paws. Catching my neck and tossing me aside. She bit around my face and neck. Sinking in teeth while I whined and tried to roll away. She bit me repeatedly. Even biting near my tail as I fled her brutal jaws.
• I rushed back to the woman. Bloodied and head lowered in shame.
• “What happened?” She dropped her basket to rush to me. Lifting my head to look at my wounds. “You took off so fast, I thought you’d found some supper!”
• It was that moment while I looked in her pretty blue eyes. That I decided I hated my kind.
• I want to be what she is.
• I want her.