Chapter 142 Catherine

• I wake up later than usual, my head and mouth feeling like they’ve been stuffed with cotton. For a moment, I struggle to remember what happened—did I somehow have too much to drink?—but then memories of last night seep into my mind, twisting my stomach into knots and flooding me with confused despair.
• Patrick made love to me last night. He made love to me after violating me—after drugging me and forcing the trackers on me against my will—and I let him. No, I didn’t just let him; I reveled in his touch, allowing the blazing heat of his caresses to burn away the frozen hurt inside me, to make me forget, if only for a moment, about the ragged wound he inflicted on my heart.
• I don’t know why this, out of all the horrible things Patrick has done, affects me so strongly. In the grand scheme of things, putting the trackers under my skin—allegedly to keep me safe—is nothing compared to kidnapping me, beating up Raymond, or blackmailing me into marriage. These trackers are not even necessarily forever. Theoretically, if I ever make it off the estate, I can go to a doctor and have the implants removed, so I may not even be stuck with them for the rest of my life. My fear yesterday definitely had an irrational component to it; I was reacting on instinct and not thinking things through.