Chapter 15 I'm Pregnant

• She was my harbour during my lowest times. It was also because I wanted to be her pillar of support, that I had been doing my best to live.
• Without my mother, even the last trace of meaning in life would disappear.
• I ran straight to the fifth floor when I made it to the hospital, dashing towards the emergency room. Right after I was in front of the emergency room, I grabbed onto a nurse that was coming out, as if a drowning person grabbing onto some life-saving straw. "How's my mother?"
• She sighed and said, "Her situation isn't promising. The doctors will do their best..."
• Before she could finish speaking, the door of the emergency room was opened. The head surgeon was the first to come out. I stared at the operation bed that they were pushing out. It felt like blood stopped flowing in my body.
• "Why? Why is my mum covered in this white cloth? Her face is all covered—it'd be stuffy for her..."
• "You're lying... Doctor, tell me this isn't true—my mother's just joking with me, isn't she?"
• "Mom, I'm here. Open your eyes and look at me, okay? You haven't even said anything to me—how can you abandon me..."
• I crouched down with my face buried into the bed, as I wept and shouted myself hoarse. I could not accept such a blow. Repeatedly, I shook my mother's arm, but I could only feel the warmth in her body dissipate by the second.
• My mother even chatted with me on the phone yesterday, saying that if her condition improved, she wanted me to go visit grandfather with her back at our hometown.
• How could she suddenly overdose on sleeping pills...
• It must have been me. I must have been too careless. I must have overlooked my mother's emotional changes.
• I was too preoccupied with my pent-up frustration because of the accusation, and all I was worried about was finding a job. I neglected my mum and forgot to spend more time with her.
• Pain and despair swept over me, drilling into my heart and eroding my bones.
• The attending physician said in consolation, "Ning Jing, ever since the last time your mother was resuscitated, both her emotional and physical conditions have not been too well. You shouldn't blame yourself."
• "Thank you..."
• I slowly stood up, but a shadow casted over my vision, and I sank into endless darkness.
• By the time I regained my consciousness, I only heard the soft noises of the IV drips. The transparent IV fluid flowed along the IV tube into my vein.
• For a split second, my mind was muddled. Mother... is she still alive? Maybe I just had a nightmare?
• How good it would be if it was only a nightmare.
• "You're awake?"
• A nursed pushed the door opened and walked in. She raised her head to take a brief look at the IV drips, saying softly, "No matter how major of a problem you go through, you have to pay attention to your health. Even if you're not thinking for yourself, you have to think for the baby in your belly."
• The baby in my belly?
• I was stunned. My fingers were nervously pinching the quilt as I asked in uncertainty, "Baby? Do you mean I'm pregnant?"
• She nodded in astonishment. "You’re almost two months pregnant. You didn’t know?"
• An indescribable excitement surged within me. If felt as if the despair that shrouded me was torn apart little by little and finally, some light had shone through.
• But when I thought about Cheng Jinghao, I could not help but feel bitter inside. He probably would not want me to have his child, right?
• I caressed my belly lightly, like it was a treasure, though I would be the only one looking forward to his or her arrival.
• If my mother was still alive, there would be one more person anticipating with me.
• I sorted my emotions out and entered the doctor's office. I still did not believe that my mother would choose to leave just like this.
• Besides, how did she get so many sleeping pills?
• The doctor could not give me an answer either. He did prescribe some sleeping pills for my mother when she had problems of insomnia, but the quantity was strictly controlled. However, my mother swallowed at least more than half a bottle of them.
• More than half a bottle... How much pain was she in? For her to want to leave this world so desperately?
• Just the thought of it swept me over with grief.
• The funeral arrangements were more or less settled with the help of my aunt and Manfan.
• After everyone left the cemetery, I knelt down in front of the gravestone, touching the photograph on it again and again. "Mom, I'm pregnant. I’m sure you would have been so happy for me. In fact, I'm very grateful to this child. You've left—if it isn’t for the baby, I really don’t see anything worth being hopeful for..."
• My vision was blurred, but I did my best to beam a smile. "Rest assured, I'll do my best to carry on with life. I won’t let you worry."
• As I spoke, tears fell uncontrollably, tumbling down my face in endless streams.
• At dust, I finally went down the mountain. I could not help but look back after every few steps. The farther I walked, the emptier my heart felt.
• The cell phone in my pouch rage as I arrived at the gate of the cemetery. It was Cheng Jinghao.
• Since the day Bao had an accident, it had been around eight or nine days.
• Had he finally decided to listen to my mother-in-law and divorce me?
• Or perhaps, he finally recalled my existence.
• But I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to let him know about my pregnancy.
• If he knew, he might simply disapprove of me keeping this baby.
• With a heavy heart, I sighed and picked up the call, I waited for him to speak first.
• The man at the other end of the phone was silent for almost two minutes before he finally said in a deep voice, "Where are you?"
• I said weakly, "The cemetery—is there anything the matter?"
• His voice was slightly tense. "What are you there for?"
• I looked up to gaze at the sunset, suppressing the bleakness in my heart and said faintly, "To dig a grave for myself."
• It had been days since the passing of my mother. If he was even a bit concerned about me, he should have long known.
• If he didn’t know, there was no need for me to tell him. To use the death of my mother to get his sympathy was something I could not do.
• "Ning Jing, what are you going on about?" He seemed enraged by what I just said. His tone rose a few pitches higher, "Make a trip to the company and sign the divorce agreement."
• Cheng Jinghao, I'm pregnant. I want our child to be born in a wholesome family...
• Those words were already at the tip of my tongue, but I did not have the courage to say them.
• A lump of emotions swept over, penetrated through my chest and brought about a pain that I could not ignore.
• All of my feelings for him seemed to have vanished completely at this moment.
• I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything, a black Benz stopped in front of me.
• The car door opened. All of a sudden, I stood agape, tensed and unknowingly hung up the phone.
• I clenched the cell phone that once again rang, silently watching Ning Hairong walking towards me. It had been four years since we last met. He had aged a lot; he was not quite the same as of how I remembered him to be.
• I originally thought that even though he and Song Meiqian were divorced, he ought to be faring very well.
• The rims of his eyes were a bit red. He said, "It is the burial of your mother today?"
• I turned off my cell phone and suppressed my emotions, I answered in a voice of indifference, "Yes."
• He took a look at the cemetery. His gaze was somewhat vacant. In the end, he mocked himself, "I better not go. She most likely doesn't want to see me anyway."
• Then what did he come here for?
• I did not answer but just made my way towards my car.
• "Jing..."
• He called my name in an uncertain tone, sounding a little like he was testing his waters, "Have you seen yesterday's news?"
• I stopped for a moment. For the past few days, I haven’t even been checking my cell phone often, "No, I haven't." I answered coldly.
• He couldn’t hold in his cough. An unhealthy ruddy color emerged on his face. "Our family business, something cropped up. Several batches of foods were found to be carcinogenic."
• I was slightly stunned. Unable to hold in my sarcasm, I mocked lightly, "Family? If you didn’t mention, I almost can’t remember I have a family."
• Back then at their wedding, I was driven away from the Nings.
• He pampered Song Meiqian and was lenient on anything that she does, refusing to give me any penny for the surgical fees, driving me into a hopeless corner.
• At that time, he seemed to have forgotten me as a daughter.
• Tears glimmered in his slightly turbid eyes as he said beseechingly, "Jing, at that time, Dad was in my right mind. Now, the company is facing a huge damages and fines. You wouldn’t watch it falter like a bystander, right?"