Chapter 84 Straight Down The Toilet::1

• Okay, by now most of you know I'm out of work for another three weeks. To make my life more fun, my septic tank backed up. Two hundred fifty bucks to pump it. For exercise I've been walking around the neighborhood. I'll be honest, 75% of my neighbors are jerks, but the few I like I'll stop and talk with. I was telling my friend Brian about my septic problems, and come to find it out he was in that line of work for eleven years.
• "It's not your tank. Bet you a sixpack of beer your filter is clogged."
• I didn't know septic tanks had filters, but they do. Brian explained what I needed to do, then spent twenty minutes telling me about the things he'd found in septic systems. The one that stuck out was a job where he pulled the cover to check the filter, to find it clogged with almost thirty condoms. He said he made a little joke about maybe he needed to toss them in the waste from now on, when suddenly he noticed how pale the guy was. Seems they had never used a condom in eighteen years of marriage.