Chapter 3 I Have To

• We manage to get out of the packhouse unseen.
• Hand in hand, we walk to the ready Rolls Royce. Like a true gentleman, Jasper holds the door open for me and then gets behind the wheel. Once we are on our way, he takes my hand in his again, kisses the back of it while still looking ahead.
• "Did you have a nice time today, Rain? I am thinking about the fact that we're short of hands to get the finances in order. And I know you're big at business administration," he indicates. "Could you spare some time to help us out? I know you do a lot in the kitchen and apprentice with my mom. But I need you closer to me". My heart warms from his words and for a moment, I doubt my leaving is the right decision. Jasper says he needs me, maybe I should concentrate more on my relationship with my mate than listening to small talk.
• "Hmmm, let me coordinate with your mother first. She has made a work schedule for things that need to be done in the pack," I let him know. "I would also like to spend more time with you," I whisper as I lean toward him and kiss him on the ear. A smile crosses his face. "Then we have an agreement. Check with my mother that you are free to be with me in the office at least once a week. I prefer Wednesdays, so it's less busy and I can focus more on you," he suggests. "Focus on me? I thought you said I'd be working on the books," I teasingly interrupted him.
• He chuckles.
• "When I'm in the office I have so many fantasies about you and me on my desk, on the sofa, against the wall ...". Even before he can finish, I playfully punch him on the shoulder. "Jasper!" I exclaim. "Are you a sex maniac? We have so much sex, sometimes I don't know where you get the energy from after working so long". Jasper laughs and brings my hand to his lips again. "You are so seductive. Every time I see you, you are more beautiful than the last time I met you, and I want to own you. It's something deeper than the mate pull".
• Smiling happily, I look in front of me.
• Jasper always shows me off with compliments, is open about his love for me. But that makes everything so hard. We are so happy together but I can't forget that I can't give him the most crucial thing in his life; an heir. I take a deep breath and slowly release it. Thinking carefully and making the right decision is vital now. Above all, I cannot be selfish and claim his love without meeting his need. I look sideways at him, my masculine and attractive mate. He could so soon find another woman who would give him everything he needed.
• Just the thought of another woman in his bed and arms almost suffocates me. I can't be selfish, I remind myself again.
• We arrive at an exquisite riverside restaurant. With the festival going on, there are only a few unmated wolves and an elderly couple present. Jasper holds me by the hand and leads me to a terrace overlooking the water. My mouth falls open as I look at the decoration. It looks like Valentine's Day, everything is set up in red, our table is in the middle and beautifully laid out. The lights are dim and set the right mood. It is obvious that Jasper had this decorated so wonderfully, especially for this night. "Do you like it, Rain?" asks Jasper softly. I turn to him, my eyes sparkling with joy. "Thank you, Jasper. You don't know what this means to me on this day. I feel less guilty now that you had to leave the festival to be with me".
• Immediately his face becomes serious.
• "It's not a sacrifice at all, Rain. It is me who feels guilty for spending so little time with you," he confessed. "The pack business takes up almost all of my time. Sometimes I think I'm neglecting you. This very day allows me to have quality time with my mate. I've missed you so much". I lean against his shoulders as we walk to the table. Jasper holds my chair out for me and when he takes a seat across from me, we look into each other's eyes.
• "What would you like to have? The cook is ready to prepare anything you like. But I know you love the French steak and the Italian Lasagna, so I ordered those in advance," my mate tells me. Together we decide to add some more meat dishes and order another bottle of the best red wine. The cool breeze blowing in our direction from the river makes the whole ambiance so romantic. Jasper and I talked about the beginning of our mating when we discovered each other as fated mates and the unforgettable Luna ceremony attended by all the leaders of the surrounding packs. We were so happy then and full of plans for the future.
• For a moment, a shadow passes over my face as I think about our conversations about having pups. Jasper wanted five, at least one boy who could take over the pack from him when the time came. The other four could be girls, for his part, copies of their mother so that he would not only have a Queen in the house but also some princesses. He sounded so dreamy when we talked about it then. Three years later, here we are, sitting on the terrace and the first pup is still nowhere in sight. And I dare not go to the gynecologist for an examination, the confirmation of my infertility might be indigestible for me. So, I put that off as long as I could.
• I look up at Jasper and scan his face for any indication that he remembers our chats about pups. But in his eyes I read only the love he has for me. I sigh happily. 'Moon Goddess, why? Why me? I will give anything to make this man happy. All he needs is a pup, at least one,' I plead to myself.
• When we finish eating, we walk to the railing of the patio, and in Jasper's arms, I look across the river. Living without him will be hard, but my mind is made up. I love this man too much to be his burden, I have to go...