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Chapter 5 Night Of Mistakes

  • What I have right now, who I am right now started years ago when I broke up with my long-time boyfriend, Axel. I thought that together, we will build our own happy family. That together, we will live on one roof, with our kids completing each day of our life. But everything vanished, everything faded just because of his mistakes.
  • All our dreams together… all the happy memories that we have before got wasted because of him. I thought that I already found a man with whom I going to spend my life. I thought that I already found my prince charming, that I already found my almost a fairy tale love story. But yeah, who I am fooling to? Fairy tales aren't real. It doesn't exist in the real world. Having a man slash a prince charming was so hard to find. They were rare and unfortunately, Axel—my boyfriend, my childhood best friend—is not one of them.
  • “So, what are your plans for our sixth anniversary, babe?” he asked while his face buried on my neck. I can feel his breath, fanning my skin which gives me tickles.
  • He was fond of doing that. Burying his face on my neck and then intentionally tickling me. At first, it was uncomfortable for me but since it was him, I let him. But that was my mistake. I shouldn't have to trust him as he goes too far from my limit. Tickling me is okay but it was then followed by licking, kissing, and putting marks on my neck. I must admit that it gives me pleasure so just like before, I let him continue not until our sixth anniversary came.
  • We just have our dinner date and after that, he brings me home straight. While we are in his car, he told me that he wanted to spend a night with me. It was not a problem at first as I am used to spending a night with him too before. I going to his unit or he, going to mine for a sleepover. But when we reach my apartment, the imperfection in our relationship takes place.
  • It started from the thing he usually does to me, tickling me until he started licking and kissing my neck. I let him but the next thing he does scares me, making me push him with all my strength. For our five years of relationship, I only let him kiss me… nothing more, nothing less. So when I felt his hand slowly touching me, squeezing my breast… it gives me panic.
  • “What?!” he asked, raising his voice all of the sudden. He stared at me with a visible frustration in his eyes. “I thought you love me, Alice. Didn't you tell me that you love me?!”
  • “Y–yes, I l–love you…” I startled.
  • He massages the bridge of his nose before looking up, with his fingers brushing his hair. He then faced me again, red color tinged his face slightly. “You love me… then why are you doing this to me?”
  • “Axel… I'm not yet ready,” I reasoned out. “Yes, I love you but if you'll going to ask for this, sorry but I can't.”
  • “I waited for five damn years, Alice! I waited and understand you. Tonight is our sixth anniversary and yet, there's still no score between us. What the heck! Do you really love me or are you just playing with me?”
  • “Axel, I already told you… I love you!” I yelled.
  • “Then give me what I want. Prove to me that you love me.”
  • I instantly shook my head making him curse loud, punching the wall.
  • “If you really love me, then let's have sex tonight.”
  • “No! I can't! If love for you is all about sex then leave, I don't want your love anymore. You can't force me into what you want for me to prove to you that I love you. You know I love you, Axel… you know how much I love you but if you'll going to ask for sex, sorry. I am not yet re–” I can't able to finish my words that night when Axel stormed out of my apartment.
  • That night, instead of happiness… loneliness eats me. I cried all night until the next morning. It was then followed on the following days when Axel didn't show himself to me. I called him many times but he didn't pick up his phone until two weeks already passed. I blame myself because of what happened. It was me who did a mistake that's why he treat me that way, he avoided me. Days and nights I cried until I finally came to a decision that never in my wildest dream I will do just to prove to him that I truly love him.
  • As a woman who believe in preserving myself until my wedding day came, it was really hard for me to give up my virginity. Axel knew that I have no experience and for years of our relationship, he respect my decision. But because of that night, I have set aside my belief for the man I truly love.
  • Two weeks after our quarrel, I decided to give myself to him. Maybe I must give what he wants—that's what I thought on my way to his unit. I was planning to surprise him and even prepared myself for my first experience with the man I see myself forever. I dressed well, far from the shirt and jeans outfit I am used to. I even seek my friend's help on choosing my clothes as wearing tight and sexy dresses aren't my thing. All thanks to Helena—my best friend — for helping me from choosing my outfit to putting makeup on my usually bare face.