Chapter 5

• Lachlan POV
• “She knows,” Killian whimpers, “She remembers everything. She hates us.”
• “She can’t. She can’t hate us entirely. We’re her mate,” I tell him, but that doesn’t stop the fear from rising up inside me.
• She can’t hate me. I can’t lose her again. If she rejects me again, I would rather die than try living without her. I know what life without her is like. I know what living with the pulsating pain of regret constantly residing in my chest is like.
• I can’t live without her. I won’t.
• Her hesitation at our vows makes knots form in my stomach, and acid rises in my throat. The bitterness of reality matches its taste. When her father placed all the rules on me, rules I made a blood promise not to break, I never thought he would bring her back with her memories intact as well.
• This should have been easy. We could have lived blissfully in love for years until the mate bond fully revealed itself, then I could have marked and mated her with no stipulations.
• Now….I’m going to have to fight. Fight even harder to change her opinion of me, and I’ll have to do so without being able to tell her why I’m so different this time around. I can’t reveal why I wanted her when last time I treated her so poorly.
• It’s our wedding, and I can see the fear in her eyes now that they have finally met mine. She is fearing for tonight, I’m sure. It’s the first time I betrayed the bond. Even though I didn’t feel it, she did, and she probably lay in agony all night because of me.
• It will be different this time. I will never take another, but I can’t tell her why. I can’t reveal that I know we are mates. I can’t tell her that I remember the life we had before as well. Her father created a contract in my blood, and it is unbreakable. Even my desire to tell her everything right now is causing me agony.
• “Lira,” I whispered her name like a prayer, and to my surprise she met my gaze, her emerald eyes shining with unshed tears.
• It breaks my heart to see her fear of me. I did this. I brought this on myself.
• She moves her gaze to the ground, then takes a few deep breaths, closing her eyes as she collects herself.
• People around the room began to whisper, her uncle glaring at her with a sneer on his lips. He was the reason I was untrusting of my attraction to her. He was the reason I rejected this marriage in every way except on paper while I was still in it. He’s conniving and manipulative. I can see the hidden motive behind his actions, but I didn’t have a choice before. I couldn’t refuse this marriage, for my pack would have suffered without the alliance. In our weakened state, the North would have come for us, attacking us in our land, devastating our home while we recovered from the war that just came to an end.
• I needed the two years to rebuild our forces, and now it looks like I will have the added, and even greater, burden of rebuilding the bond between my mate and I.
• When Lira looks up again, her eyes are back to the vacant stare, looking past me as her passive, cold face returns.
• “I do,” she states, her voice soft and monotone.
• The ring bearer hands her the ring to place on me, and she goes through the motions without even looking at the rings. The rings just hours ago I agonized over, picturing her surprised face when she gazed upon their beauty. Now, she doesn't take notice of them at all.
• Killian whimpers and cries, feeling her disinterest and coldness towards us.
• “I present to you all, your Alpha and Luna, Lachlan and Elelira Stiles!” the elder recites with a joyous look that neither me or Lira feel.
• I sent word to him before the ceremony to change one part of the ceremony from our previous life, and now my fear is caught in my throat with the realization that Lira will not like it. She will hate it. She may reject it on the spot.
• “Alpha Lachlan, you may now kiss your bride!”
• She startles hearing that, looking at him, then back at me in horror.
• My heart pulses painfully in my chest at that look. When I pictured this moment, I pictured her lovestruck face staring back at me with anticipation and want. That is the opposite of what she is expressing now.
• The color drains from her cheeks. She wants to run. I can feel it. Killian can feel it, and he is crying while snarling at me in my head.
• I hoped for a sweet, romantic first kiss, but the reality of the moment was nothing but fear from both of us and for different reasons.
• If it wasn’t for my hands holding firmly to hers, I felt like she would make a run for it right now, and because that is my greatest fear, I couldn’t seem to let her go. We are just standing before half the pack awkwardly. We can’t back down. I can’t back down.
• “Lira,” I whispered, making her panicked eyes meet mine. “Just….please,” I pleaded with her, begging her to not reject me, or to fear this.
• I pull her hand, taking a step closer to her, but she takes a step back. In my panic, I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her toward me, and she goes stiff as a board, not responding at all to my lips as they meet hers.
• I swear I can feel the sparks, even without the bond, and Killian stops whimpering and purrs slightly. Her lips are as soft as I imagined. For years I imagined what they would feel like. This is beyond my expectations.
• My elation is short-lived as I pull away from her, and am met with her hate-filled glower.
• She looks away, towards the congregation. The music is bellowing a joyous wedding march, but this moment feels any but. Her hand is stiff as I lead her back down the aisle to the waiting room at the end. The pack and attendees are cheering for us, waving ribbons and banners, but her face remains passive and cold.
• As the doors close behind us, I try to explain myself.
• “Lira, I’m sorry. I-”
• SLAP!
• “You will not ever touch me again. Don’t even show yourself to me after tonight. I don’t know what that was, but I’m as uninterested in this union as you are.”
• I grip my throbbing cheek, but the pain doesn’t compare to the pain in my heart. “Lira, I’m not-”
• “I know,” she whispered in a dangerously low voice. “I know what you think of me and this marriage. I know you’re not invested in this, and neither am I. Let’s just bide our time, and annul the moment the terms on the alliance contract are up. I will stay out of your way. You can live your life as before and I will live like the dead, being sure to never cross your path.”
• No…..No, no, no.
• I reach for her, taking a step in her direction, but then the doors behind me reopen and people begin to pour out to offer us their congratulations.
• She sends me one last death glare, then turns towards her handmaid, Niomi, who comes out ahead of the crowd. Niomi is looking between the two of us with concern. Many of the guests are looking at us with concern or confusion, but still offer their commendations. We must have put on quite a show there at the end. Niomi accepts all the praise aimed at Lira, then begs their pardon so she can assist Lira in changing her dress.
• Together they walk off down the corridor to change her from her gorgeous wedding gown to the simpler dress for the reception, leaving me to receive all the congrats on my own. A task I feel unworthy and sick doing.
• “Alpha Lachlan,” Alpha Wayne, her uncle, greeted me with a handshake. “I look forward to hearing good news soon. My men and I have a long journey ahead, and will have to miss your reception. Tell my niece I look forward to hearing from her in the near future.”
• This. This right here is why I was so suspicious of Lira. I know now that Wayne was just trying to use her as a pawn, and she really wasn’t in a conspiracy with him. I nodded, not trusting my voice to not show my malice and hatred for the man.
• He grunts, then he and his men walk toward the front of the manor to set out on their journey, which I know from before is not to home, but to the brothels and bars in town. It was quite embarrassing running into him and all his men there last time. Luckily, he thought I had enough of my wedding night with my wife, and had come to town to celebrate more rounds without her. He is that sick of a man to think nothing of having multiple partners in one night, and that it was normal to cheat on your wife.
• Tonight, we will not come upon that awkward situation. I will be loyal and faithful, even if she remembers and hates me.