Chapter 5 – Indifference

• Zeru
• I am the wind that never rests for anyone. I am the life of the party. Women love me, especially Camilla Dove. The true love that Tyson was preaching about, I found it in this woman, and I intend to keep her with me forever.
• “Ah! Hahaha! That was so fun,” Camilla chimed, coming back to me from the dance floor.
• Tonight, like any other night, Camilla and I were out having fun. Just us, the music, and the disco ball. In the span of one month, we had hit almost every single bar in Los Angeles—an adventure we liked to call the 30-day trial. We were trying to find the best bar, the one we could call our spot from now on.
• “Ready to go back? I have a surprise for you,” Camilla teased me like an excited child.
• To mirror her enthusiasm, I smiled and replied with, “Yes, let’s go back.”
• We drove back to the hotel, got into the elevator, and Camilla began teasing my zipper. I knew what she wanted, I knew what the surprise was, but I pretended not to notice and let her enjoy herself for a bit.
• She stopped messing with the zipper, slowly crawled up my chest, and kissed me in the elevator. The ferocity, satisfaction, and intensity she showed were amazing. I found myself thrilled and excited to have her in my arms.
• The kiss continued, but we were interrupted by the elevator doors opening. I pulled away and led the way to our room. There, we picked up where we left off. In no time at all, we were both naked, climbing higher and higher.
• “Please don’t leave me.” I whispered.
• “I won’t,” she replied.
• “But you did,” I said, lost in thoughts.
• “I came back,” she replied, waking me from my delusion.
• “Yes, you are right here with me,” I said and proceeded to finish what we started.
• One after another, we had our releases. Camilla climbed off me, dropped onto the bed face down, and fell asleep. I tried to pull her into my arms, but she pushed me away like an annoying bug.
• Being disregarded is nothing new, so I tried to get some sleep. But no, I couldn’t, so I pulled out my laptop and scoured the internet. What was I looking for?
• Traces of Fedella Hilton.
• The reality is, I cannot let go. Being with Camilla—the party, the sex, the intimacy, the love—everything is there, but something is missing. Deep down my heart tells me the answer lies with her. So, for the past month and a half, I’ve never stopped searching. I can’t stop. If I don’t find her, I won’t be able to move on.
• “What the hell is that noise?” Camilla tutted.
• “Sorry, it’s my laptop,” I replied.
• “You brought work?!” Camilla woke up, annoyed. “Zee, this is supposed to be our vacation. What the hell?” she said, angry.
• “I know, but there is something I need to do,” I reasoned. I shouldn’t be doing this, but still, I did it.
• “Well, I want to sleep, so go work somewhere else,” Camilla pushed me away.
• I put on my clothes and left the room. It’s 2:51 in the morning, and I’m strolling alone in the middle of the night, wondering what it is that I’m missing. Love? Camilla loves me. Sex? Camilla is really good in bed. Money? Not that either. I have plenty. What else?
• I found a bench and dropped down to rest. I looked up at the night sky and was greeted by thousands of stars. I remembered that night Ella wanted to go for a walk. I wasn’t feeling like it, but she promised it would be well worth it, so I followed.
• The night was clear, the breeze was fine, and the scene was amazing. She showed me stars of all origins, including her zodiac, which I surprisingly remembered. It was Capricorn, which represents faithfulness and loyalty. I remember that because it represented her name. I also remember Ella doing something really annoying.
• She pulled out a panda eraser and handed it to me. “Here,” Ella smiled.
• “You know I hate that thing, right?” I refused to take it.
• “I do, but I like it, and I want you to keep it. It will remind you of me when I’m gone.”
• “You won’t leave me,” I replied with all the confidence in the world.
• As if foreshadowing her departure, she said, “You will never know. One day, you might wake up and never see me again. I will still be satisfied, even if you remember me out of spite for this little thing.”
• “You can’t leave me,” I replied, firmly rooted in the idea that she would never leave me.
• “That doesn’t mean I won’t die. For all we know, I could walk out the door one day, get hit by a semi, and die.”
• “Sure, then right after your funeral, I’ll throw a party to celebrate your life. Find someone to coax me to sleep,” I replied.
• “You are so evil. Sometimes I wonder if you would miss me when I’m gone.”
• “Probably not. There are so many people out there for me to think about,” I told her.
• “Right, so keep this with you all the time. Even if it’s only an annoying little thing, at least you will think of me for a few seconds.”
• “No, it doesn’t suit my persona,” I refused, but she slipped it into my pocket anyway.
• Since that day, I found those little things everywhere—in my pocket, on my desk, in my drawer, and even in my shoes. Unconsciously, I reached into my pocket to find it empty.
• “I didn’t have the damn thing, but I can’t get you out of my head. Also, I was wrong. I do miss you,” I said pathetically.
• I stayed there for a moment longer before going back inside. It’s too late to regret my actions now. I should prioritize those who are still here, rather than thinking about the person who had left.
• I hopped back into bed and tried to cuddle with Camilla, but she pushed me away. It was futile to force her into my arms, so I turned to my side and closed my eyes.
• The next day, we woke up late, had lunch, and began bar hopping again. By the time we hit our last location, it was late into the night. However, Camilla was not happy with any of them.
• “I don’t like this one either. The drinks are fine, but the music… no taste,” Camilla complained. “Anyway, wait for me, I need to use the restroom.” She hopped off my lap and headed to the ladies' room.
• The moment Camilla disappeared; another woman approached me.
• “Hey,” She got my attention.
• “Yes, what up?”
• “You are very good looking. Can I get your number?” the lady asked.
• She is pretty, petite, and would make a good fuck buddy, but I have a commitment to keep.
• “Sorry, I’m not available,” I refused her offer.
• “No problem. Just so you know, your girlfriend is not that faithful to you. I saw her go into the men’s bathroom with your server.”
• “How long ago?” I asked.
• “A few minutes,” she replied.
• “Thanks for the tip,” I said, rushing into the men's bathroom.
• Upon entering, I frowned. The doors to each stall extended all the way to the ground, so I couldn’t see exactly who it was. But I could hear noises—a woman’s moans coming from one of the stalls. The rest of the stalls were empty, so I waited it out in the next stall.
• Things really got heated in there because the woman couldn’t keep her voice down. There were moans, groans, and fumbling before something slid through the small cracks in the floor. A small plastic wrapped condom, size XL.
• The guy tried to slip his hand through, but he couldn’t, so the woman gave it a try. The manicured fingernails would have been enough proof, but I persisted. In her struggle to find the plastic, she lost a fingernail. I picked up the false nail and slid over the elastic plastic.
• “Thank you,” said the man.
• I didn’t wait any longer and left. I was not hurt. I was not jealous. Definitely not heartbroken, but more confused as to why I was indifferent to the whole situation.