Chapter 20

• I haven't seen Gideon for three days now, he has refused to pick my calls, he didn't even answer Estelle's own when I had tried to call him with her phone. I haven't also seen Stephan around, I fear that Gideon might have fired him, I need to explain to Gideon that Stephan did nothing, I was the one that came onto him, I will feel terribly guilty if Stephan lost his job because of me. I decided that if Gideon did fire him, I would do anything to try and get Stephan his job back, he really was a good man, at the moment I hated myself for repaying him such with the kindness he has shown me.
• I also hated myself for the kiss, it was barely even a kiss, just a tiny peck and I wasn't thinking straight. I wish I could blame it on being drunk, except I wasn't drunk, I haven't even tasted alcohol for months now. I don't know if Gideon would still like to go on with the wedding, if he decides not to go on with it, I won't argue.
• I needed to speak to someone, and not just anyone, someone who would help me feel better. I thought of calling Lily, she always knew what to say in every situation, but I felt too ashamed, I knew Lily wouldn't judge me, but still. I need to go see my mother, hear her speak and not just over the phone, she would know what to say.