Chapter 4 Carolina AlcâNtara

• Carolina Alcântara
• I look at his body, admiring it, and I like what I see. Hassan is really well-built, and the fear arises the moment I see him tearing open the condom package to put it on his erection. The smell of strawberries makes me crave a box of condensed milk.
• I run my tongue over my lips, wanting to put it in my mouth and test how far I can swallow. He smiles and shakes his head, and I’m sure he’s as impatient as I am at this moment.
• Hassan grabs my ankles and pushes them toward my butt, leaving me open and exposed to him. I smile as he approaches my knee and leaves a kiss there. I watch as he picks up one of the pillows, not understanding what he’s going to do.
• “Just to make you comfortable, now raise that sexy ass.” I do what he asks.
• Hassan begins to settle between my legs, but he doesn’t enter me. Instead, he lies down on top of my body and kisses me gently. I feel his respect as he touches me.
• He lifts my chin again and smiles at me.
• “You know, after tonight, our relationship will be complicated, right? I won’t be able to work by your side without thinking that tonight you’re mine and mine alone. We’re at a crossroads, Sayidati. We’re at a place where you can take three different paths, and it’s up to you to choose which one to follow.” I understand what he’s saying, and I know what I’m doing here might be wrong.
• “You’re my Tajdid, and I’ll take this opportunity, hoping that no problems arise worse than just glances and some more sneaking around the house.” He smiles, and I don’t understand why.
• “I believe you’re a polyglot.” I shake my head.
• “I only learned my name in different languages,” I say to him, holding his face. I know he’s bothered by his arousal, as his cock is pulsing between us. “Fuck me, take away the pain I’m feeling, please.”
• “This pain won’t go away, Carol. It’s only going to get worse...” There’s something in his voice I don’t understand.
• Hassan pulls back a bit, and I feel his invasion, going all the way to the base of his penis, holding my breath with his first thrust.
• “Sorry, I hope it’s not hurting.” I shake my head.
• My body starts to adjust to his size inside me. Not that they were that different, but Hassan is thicker, and his thrusts are rougher, which was making me even more excited. My nails trace along his back, leaving a trail, and by the way, he reacted, I could tell he was satisfied.
• The orgasm was building in my belly. I wrapped my legs around his waist, keeping him there, and his hand went to my ass. I looked into his eyes and surrendered to the orgasm when he whispered a *rayie*. I closed my eyes, letting myself give in to my climax, until I felt a slap on my ass.
• “Open your eyes, I want you to see… who’s giving you pleasure… tonight.” Just like me, my Tajdid was panting, enjoying what we were doing, but I obeyed his command. “Now, come for me, eazizi.”
• He moved a few more times, and we both came together, our eyes locked on each other. He was completely out of breath, and I imagined he was exhausted too.
• “That was… different,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
• He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, trying to find his voice again. I closed my eyes and focused on the movement of his shoulders, searching for his lips for a much calmer kiss, and I heard him say something.
• “’Ana mudajaea...” I didn’t expect him to translate, but I imagined it was some kind of curse. “I think it’s best if I leave, or I won’t let you sleep.”
• I didn’t want to stay here alone; I wanted company.
• "Please, stay with me, don't leave me." He looks at me indecisively and glances at the furniture next to my bed. "Do you have to go?"
• "I don't have to, it's Frank's time to do your security, but I need to relieve him before 6 AM." I nod. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, is that okay?"
• I release my legs from his waist, which makes him smile a beautiful smile, causing my heart to beat a little faster.
• Tajdid stands up and walks to the bathroom. I see in the mirror when he discards the condom. He returns to the common bed, a silly smile on his face, and gets under the covers where Bruno would usually be. He opens his arms and makes room for me. In those last minutes, I realized that the borrowed security guard was much more than a protective Arab; he’s shown himself to be caring about my feelings and my reputation, even before thinking about his own life.
• But I’ll never let anyone do anything to him; I’ll take him for myself!
• I started laughing, trying to figure out how to take him away from Vanessa once and for all.
• "Do you want to talk?" He asks after a few moments of silence, and I start laughing.
• "I'm here thinking about how to take you from Vanessa."
• He begins to laugh.
• "Sayidati, do you really think you can keep this safe?" He gestures between the two of us, and I just shrug.
• "I don’t have an answer to that question, but for now, the only thing I can do is stay away from my ex and keep myself out of the organization. Meanwhile, I want to enjoy." My hand touches his chest, and I trace the tattoo on his ribs with my fingers.
• "Say: 'It’s never too late to start over.' I’ve experienced love, but someone thought I didn’t deserve to have someone waiting for me at home every night, and I ended up losing my wife." His expression grows sad, and I decide not to go down that road.
• I settle more comfortably in his arms, finally feeling sleep creeping in. I feel his arms gently caressing my body. He grabs his communicator and turns it off, then turns to face me, and I surrender to the moment. I know he might betray me at some point in the future, or he might be my protector until the end.
• When I wake up, I’m hugging a pillow that smells like Hassan. I look at the small table, and there’s an open note. On the front, it says "Sayidati."
• "Sorry if I didn’t wake you before leaving your bed, Sayidati, but I thought it would be disrespectful to wake you for another round of pleasure, which reminds me that I loved the moments you gave me. Come downstairs for coffee.
• Your Tajdid."
• The note made me smile and gave me the urge to go have that coffee. I know the consequences, but at this moment, I don’t want to think about the pain or anything else. I just want to let myself live and enjoy the opportunities I didn’t have before.
• I choose a dress that’s below the knee, nothing luxurious, just comfortable since I need to schedule a doctor’s appointment to clear up the doubts that hit me last night. I slip on my slippers and head downstairs for the coffee that awaits me.
• I look at the table and see my security guard with a huge smile on his face as soon as he sees me. He leaves his phone on the table and flips it upside down. I look around and realize we’re alone.
• "We’re alone," he says, looking at the chair across from him.
• "Thank you for helping me sleep last night," I say, feeling my cheeks get warm.
• "Are you getting embarrassed, Sayidati?" I shrug and serve myself some coffee, remembering that I have to leave.
• "Hassan," I change my tone since the subject is serious. "I need to go to a gynecologist. Last night, before coming down, I had a wave of nausea, and I started suspecting that I might be pregnant. I want to clear the doubt."
• I look at him, and I can see that he seems disappointed. I hold his hand and ask for his attention.
• "I don’t want to be dishonest with you. For now, I have only two certainties: to protect you and to ask for my divorce." He starts laughing.
• "Carolina, you’re not going to divorce. You’re completely in love with your husband, just as he is with you." He flips his phone back over and shows me dozens of messages. I read a few.
• Bruno: How is she?
• Bruno: Protect her for me, Hassan…
• Bruno: Thanks for keeping me updated.
• Bruno: I’ll wait a bit and then send the kids...
• I stopped reading the messages, or I would’ve started crying. I handed him the phone and served myself more coffee, under the watchful eyes of the man across from me.
• "What should I tell him about taking you to the gynecologist?" I look at him, grab my cup, and have no idea what to think about this.
• I stand up without answering Hassan’s question and head to the office to try to talk to my mother. She’ll know what to say to me right now. While I call her, I search for a gynecologist’s number.