Chapter 8 Inner Dark Thoughts

• Okay, calm down, Rosaria. It’s impossible for him to die with a shove like mine. He had been through a lot from this endless war and it would be…laughable if he would have died from a measly push from a lower-ranking luna.
• I tried to calm down and now I was eyeing him carefully. I took a deep breath before placing my trembling hand on his wrist, ignoring my hallucinations of the hands around my waist as I tried to check his pulse.
• It was faintly weak. Weak but not dead! I sighed once more but was more relieved than earlier as I tried to decipher what happened.
• His face is pale, giving off an impression of a lifeless body that I assumed earlier. And he…wasn’t breathing at all.
• ‘They brought the Elves to slaughter the Alpha Leader! The messenger had stopped coming back here since that announcement.’
• I recalled Naureen mentioning them and a realization came to my mind. Now with his dark gambeson, I muttered an apology and pulled out his heavy garment from his head.
• I turned red from my wrongdoings and hopefully, Hati would forgive me for…undressing a man.
• But then again, he was my husband, and t-this should be a normal occurrence for both the wedded couple.
• Now the top was removed and I could see the clear view of his well-toned body marred with scars any alpha would consider as their war trophies.
• My breath hitched once more, as hands suddenly tried to grab my wrists and I shook it off, as they were nothing but mere hallucinations.
• ‘He won’t hurt you, yes, he won’t,’ I thought, giving myself more assurance. ‘He is unconscious and won’t do anything to hurt you.’
• I scanned his body. Where is it? I knew it would be difficult to find a trace of the Elves’ doing but I was confident that my canine vision could see through it.
• When I saw a minuscule cut on his right waist that looked like it was recently being pierced and not one of his scars, I knew that this was the cause of it.
• From what I could picture of the scene, one of the archers shot a poisoned arrow directly into the vulnerable gaps of his armor. It could have grazed him but even so, this poison was lethal enough to kill an elephant with its tip.
• A cold sweat dropped on my forehead and my intuition was right.
• Lord Varick was being poisoned and he was on the verge of clinging between life and death!
• Any moment, the poison would spread until it reached his brain and it would be the end of him.
• I stood up, rushing to the exit with the intent of calling an immediate healer to extract the poison out of his veins.
• But I stopped my trail and turned back to him.
• “He’s not going to make it if I rushed to the hospital,” I said to myself, and the words made sense.
• And not to mention, advanced poison magic was something the Skollist pack hadn’t been accustomed to. We were lacking healers and they weren’t knowledgeable outside the wolf territory.
• It would be futile to run and panic and each second had become more valuable if I didn’t do something.
• But there is one way… to save him.
• I could…use Hati’s teachings to extract the poison out from his veins.
• But with the lack of training, I wasn’t confident that I could do it with a person, let alone the Alpha leader of the Skollist pack.
• One single mistake and he could have died from my spell, I gulped. And I realized the situation became worse with this thought.
• = OR YOU COULD JUST LEAVE HIM =
• “W-what?”
• = He hurt you, he defiled you when you begged for him to stop! And haven’t you forgotten that he had any intention of killing Father Gossep?! =
• A voice that sounded like mine was speaking in my head. I gripped the cloth where my chest was and I started to pant.
• Where did this voice come from? It’s my voice, yes, but I don’t think these were my exact words.
• “W-Who are you?” I asked.
• = I am your voice, Rosaria. I am your consciousness that is slowly seeping through that indecisiveness of yours =
• “Why do you want me to leave him then?! I couldn’t possibly–!”
• = Don’t you think it would set you free if he died now? =
• I was stunned beyond words. And with that, my inner voice allowed itself to continue.
• = If he continues to live, you will be stuck with a man who will continue to violate you until you give him a child. Don’t you think that it could have been avoided if we let him die instead? =
• Y-yes, it all started because of him. He was the reason why I didn’t become Hati’s official nun. He was the one who gave me this fear of being touched and every single day was worse when all the wolves looked down on me.
• I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life.
• = Don’t you hate him, Rosaria? =
• The sinister voice of mine must have known my answer yet it reminded me of that night when I announced my true feelings towards my husband.
• As I stared at his body on the ground with a cold expression I couldn’t imagine having one. So, I made a decision.
• Yes, this should be the best option.
• And with that, I turned and left the room.
• The next moment, I burst back into the bedroom with my face showing anger as I started chanting.
• “O, sun god, Hati! Lend me your power!” A circular light spread on Lord Varick’s chest as I started chanting more of Hati’s prayers.
• I didn’t care what my inner voice was telling me and even if my voice was right….
• Even if I genuinely hated this man, I wouldn’t do anything to leave the injured alone.
• That was one of Hati’s teachings.