Chapter 49

• July 14
• Dear Diary,
• It has been three weeks since my beautiful Joshua left Australia, and his absence has left a massive hole in my heart, in my life. I have a sick feeling in my stomach all the time. Every time I eat I have to run to the bathroom. I can’t even vomit effectively now, I just dry retch continually. What can I do right? I’m a mess. I have lost so much weight I look like a skeleton. I never knew the effects of stress could be so damn horrific. The nightmares, the migraines, the insomnia. I have seen my psychologist three times this week. I need to get on top of these nightmares. I’m a walking petrified time bomb. What if they are true? What if they are a premonition? What if I lose my love to death and I never get to tell him how desperately I love him? I wish I could ring him. I want to tell him that I am desperate to share my life with him but I need him to be sure that it is me that he wants, before he wrecks our love completely. He is the only man I will ever love and if I can’t have him, I will have no one. My psychologist is the only one who understands why I have done this to myself. I love Joshua so much that I fear it’s abnormal. How can I turn my life around?