Chapter 105

• He gives me a sad smile and nods. “I know,” he whispers as he closes his eyes as if in pain. I stand up onto my knees as he holds the base so I can mount him and I was right, it’s too big. He won’t fit so I need him to stretch me first. “Tash, kiss me and take it slow. I know you can take me.” I nod again and start to kiss him deeply. With each lash of his tongue I open just that little further and within ten minutes he’s completely in. I don’t know whether he’s in heaven or hell because his face is showing indicators of both. I start to move and he stills my hips with his hands.
• “Slow…I need this slow,” he growls. With our eyes entranced on each other he gently rides me to orgasm and I feel him swell inside me. His quivering breath tells me how close he is. He rolls me over while still inside me and starts to gently move as he kisses me deeply, never breaking precious contact. With one, two, three pumps I feel his hot seed burn me from the inside out and he buries his head into my neck and stays perfectly still while trying to catch his breath, and then I feel it. Something hot runs down the side of my neck and drops onto my shoulder. That was a fucking tear…not mine but his. What in the hell is going on here? That was the gentlest loving sex we have ever had so why in the hell is he crying? I have a lump in my throat and am unable to speak as I try and process what to say. What’s wrong? He kisses me again, this time more urgently and, that is it, he’s reached his gentle limit. He withdraws and starts to really warm me up, until I don’t think I can take anymore and then we are hard at it. My hands are being held up above my head and he is making love to me like his life depends on it. Strong powerful strokes where the bed is hitting the wall and I am gasping for breath. I think I fell into an exhausted sleep after round five and then I think I woke hours later to find Josh tenderly taking me while I slept as he whispered how much he loved me into my ear, but I can’t be sure if it was a dream or reality. Either way it was perfect. When I woke up he was gone and I was left with a sick uneasy feeling in my gut.
• It’s seven pm and I haven’t heard from Joshua all day and have decided I’m not ringing him. I don’t know what his problem is but I do know for certain he loves me. He proved that last night. He will call me—I hope. At one am I fall into an exhausted sleep hoping I will be awoken by the sound of keys in my door. I don’t and when my alarm goes off at six I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I drag my fat ass around, feeling sorry for myself, and end up getting to work late. Shit. I have a booked–out morning but thankfully a slow afternoon so I chastise myself not to think about him until then.