Chapter 4

• Waking, I make breakfast, my eyes glancing around the kitchen. I will talk to Clyde. It is sex; I can't see him having an issue. I glance at my phone. Marcello is weird. I laugh slightly. He is different, not weird. He clearly likes to keep his personal life personal.
• No one sees him with a woman. Not many know he owns the club. What else is there? He is never seen with a woman, yet says he isn't gay? Elaine claims he knows what he is talking about, but how, if he is never with a woman?
• "Morning." Clyde walks through, my eyes watching him as he grabs food and sits down.
• "So about what I suggested last night, are you willing to? I know enough now to know how to get started."
• He glances at me, nodding. I take out my phone and go to the message, I screenshot it. I would rather he not know who I am talking to.
• Opening photos, I click it and hand him the phone. "So this is the advice I was given so far." I watch as he reads, my eyes watching to see if he reacts in any way. He reads it, looking indifferent.
• "Daniella." His head shakes as he hands the phone back. "That is stupid and crazy. You honestly want to try this?" He looks up at me.
• "Why not? It is sex, just changed slightly."
• "Because it is wrong. Come on, Daniella, why would anyone want to go through that? Why would anyone want to be taught to orgasm to a guy’s command? Sounds like some sort of idea from a random guy who wants to gain control of women."
• "It is just sex but different." He looks at me like I am crazy.
• "Sex is sex. This is control. No matter what way we try, it is controlling. It is me controlling you." I laugh slightly.
• "Even if it is, I agree, and it is just like an experiment. Nothing bad, I am giving you permission, so technically, I am in control." I smile at him, his head shaking.
• "No, I can't see how anyone would enjoy that. Sorry Daniella, but this is one experiment that I think is crazy and wrong." He can't mean that?
• "Are you really going to refuse? It is sex, something we have done for half the year now." I laugh slightly, his head shaking.
• "No, what we did was just sex. This is different. How can you not see it is wrong? Who are you talking to that is giving you this information, Daniella? I'm guessing this guy is hoping that he gains something from this."
• "Even if it was, at least he would agree to help. Forget it, Clyde. I will find someone else to work this out with." I move and stand up, walking through to my bedroom. I will go earlier, to see Marcello, find out how to do it alone.
• "You're really going to go in a mood with me over me denying you this?" I roll my eyes and look up at Clyde as he stands in the doorway.
• "You're really going to say no to sex and let me fuck someone else just because it requires more work and effort than you normally put into sex? Oh, my bad Clyde, it is me who puts in the work." Clyde's face quickly changes. Shit, now he is mad. "I didn't mean that." Okay, I did, but I didn't mean to say it.
• "Daniella, the first words out your mouth are always the truth. Forget it. If it was that bad, you should be glad I refused." He turns and walks away. Maybe using my flatmate as a friend with benefits wasn't the best idea? Now I need to avoid him until he calms down over what I said.
• "Just so you realise, I only ever agreed for you, Daniella. I was happy going out and finding anyone else. It was you who never left and tried to find someone else to fuck." I laugh slightly as he walks off. Although he is right, when this started, I suggested it because I didn't want to go to a club and find a random guy. Clyde was safe, trusted, but boring as hell.
• I find myself hiding away all day from Clyde - hiding so that I don't speak again, since if I do, I will likely just say something else that hurts him. I glance at the clock. It is six. I remember that today Marcello only books in from eight onwards, so he won't be busy now. He won't have another woman there looking for support. Getting ready, I walk out of my room, Clyde turning towards me.
• "You're really going through with it, aren't you?"
• I nod slightly. "Why not? Have fun, Clyde." I turn and open the door.
• "I would have agreed, just so you know." Turning, I look at him confused - he refused a lot. "You look confused. I would have agreed had I known you would possibly go and use a random guy to try this out on. That was until you pretty much said I was shit at sex, so yeah. Have fun." Turning, he walks off. My eyes roll as I laugh and walk out.
• He still isn't over it clearly. I find myself regretting my words. I walk to Marcello's. I shouldn't have been cruel. I should have explained, not just left it like that. Hitting the button for the doorbell, I stand and wait, the door opening as I look at the man, confused. Where is Marcello? Why is this guy answering the door?
• "Can I help you, doll?" I glance up at his face.
• "Erm, looking for Marcello?" It was his house? I hope anyway.
• "Marc, pretty little thing on the doorstep for you." I look at him shocked, as he smiles slightly. "He clearly can't hear me at the other side of the house, come in; I will grab him." He moves out of the way. Walking in, I glance around, now feeling awkward. "Go sit through there. I will get him." I watch as he walks off.
• Sitting down, I look around me; maybe coming early wasn't such a good idea? I didn't even tell him I was going to. I hear the faint sound of talking, Marcello laughing with the guy as he walks through and looks at me confused, checking his watch.
• "I didn't think I was late. You're early. I definitely said eight, right?" He looks at me as he stays standing. I nod, feeling like a fool.
• "Yeah, but I have a problem, well, a few problems and figured I would try to get them resolved before eight." He looks at me waiting.
• "What problems? You were only meant to speak to your friend them agree and try things out. How can you already have problems?" He looks at me laughing.
• "Because my ‘no filter’ messed it up, he refused and was offended that I asked him. Somehow I ended up telling him that he was shit in bed, so you can guess now the guy I wanted to trial it with is offended and won't agree." They both laugh at me, my head shaking. I should have refused to answer until the other guy was gone.
• "You told your friend with benefits they were shit in bed, those exact words, or did he just take what you said the wrong way? Are you sure he didn't freak out at what you were asking and take what you said the wrong way?" Marcello looks at me amused.
• "No, there was no wrong way to take it. I am sure it went something like: ‘You're really going to say no, so I fuck someone else, just because it requires more work and effort than you normally put into sex? Oh, my bad Clyde, it is me who puts in the work.’ So yeah, there was no wrong way to take that." Marcello stands laughing, his friend laughing along.
• "Erm, give me a minute. I am going to need a drink for this." I watch as Marcello walks off.
• "I'm Adrian, by the way." The guy smiles and nods at me. I watch as Marcello walks in holding two glasses. He hands me one, glancing towards Adrian. Adrian looks at him, waiting.
• "Fine, guess I will keep myself company until you're done." He walks off, Marcello looking at me.
• "Why would you say that to your friend? Surely he wasn't that bad if you have been doing it for months?" He looks at me amused.
• "Okay, well, because he tried saying I was in a mood with him for him refusing to have sex with me. So I retaliated. Now I am stuck as I don't have time to go out and find a guy." I don't, not one I can do this with anyway. Anyone in a bar will just want a quick fuck. So I screwed myself over.
• "You will find someone - it may take time, but you will. How often do you go out to bars and things?" I laugh slightly. He looks at me confused.
• "I don't, not often at all. I work, go home, sometimes fuck Clyde, other times go to the club and strip. I'm not really someone who enjoys going to bars and having guys drool over me, groping me and being sexist pigs. I figured you would have got that."
• "No, I just assumed you called me a sexist pig because it was me. So you really don't try and find another guy? At all?" I shake my head. "Why? Have you always just fucked those you lived with?" He looks at me confused like I am weird for not going to pubs and picking up guys.
• "I used to. The last few years though, clubs and places around here have become flooded with guys who don't care about the women. To them, sex is sex. You see them moving from woman to woman in the club. Every time they get refused by one, they move onto the next and the next. I would rather not have a guy who tried it on with fifty women before me." It is disgusting. I shrug my shoulders.
• "Right, well, we need to figure that out. You can do it alone, but as I said, with a partner, man or woman, it helps." He shakes his head, looking at me, clearly lost for what to do now.
• "So you're not gay?"
• He laughs, looking at me shocked. "No, I already said that."
• "Then why does no one ever see you with a woman? You have women coming here for advice on this and could easily get sex, but you don't?" I look at him confused. I don't get why he wouldn't?
• "All that isn't my thing." I glance at him confused.
• "All what?" All what isn't his thing? What does that mean?
• "Look, the women I help I wouldn't touch. I'm not like most guys. I like things different." I laugh at his words.
• "You mean you like to click your fingers and women orgasm? That is how you're different to guys?" That has to be it? How else does he like things ‘different’?
• "Look, you and Clyde, could you see yourself with him long term? Having a kid with him? Or do you always take extra precautions?" He looks at me waiting, what does that have to do with anything?
• "No, I don't see us together long term, and yes, of course, I use extra precautions. I don't want a child with Clyde, and while birth control is effective, there is a chance it fails, so I insist on him wearing a condom." I don't want to be stuck living with Clyde for life.
• "Exactly, but I don't."
• I glance at him confused. "You don't what?" I realise what he means, he doesn't wear a condom, but that makes no sense? "Wait, that makes no sense? So you don't wear one, so what?" I don't get what I am missing.
• "He likes it Raw." I turn towards where Adrian's voice came from.
• "Adrian, other side of the house out of earshot, please." Marcello rolls his eyes. I look at him confused. What does that mean? "Look, what he said is true. So if I am going to sleep with a woman, I will, because it is one I know eventually I could love or tolerate having a child with. That was my point. You don't want a child with Clyde, so you're extra careful. I, however, refuse to wear a condom, so I don't sleep with women on a whim." I nod, kind of understanding.
• He will only sleep with a woman if he knows he can permanently have her in his life if she happens to get pregnant. "Okay, so that makes sense, so you're not gay." I laugh slightly. I honestly thought he was. "Wouldn't it just be easier to give in and wear one and fuck women?"
• "Enough. Onto your issues, - how did this get turned around onto me? Of all the women I have helped, you're the only one who has done this; no more me, onto you, Daniella. How do you plan to fix your issues?"
• "I don't know. I would say apologise to Clyde, but he was still pretty annoyed when I left. I guess I will need to actually look for a guy. Which I don't do." I don't, and can't be bothered if I am honest. I glance up at him and smile. He could help. Why can't he just help? It doesn't exactly need to be sex. "So, why can't you volunteer to help me?"
• Marcello's eyes widen. "Did you just ignore everything I said? The answer is no."
• "I volunteer."
• Marcello's eyes roll. "Seriously, Adrian, go away, far away. Or leave." We hear him move. "Sorry, you were early, and I was meant to be helping him with business till eight, so he is going to be annoying." I nod.
• "Sorry, it is fine, honestly. Don't apologise; I shouldn't have come early." It isn't his fault I showed up early, and he has a guest.
• "Look, the answer is no. Either way, figure out what you're going to do, find a new playmate, then get in touch. I can't help with that." I was hoping he would agree.
• "And if I don't find anyone?" Which I doubt I will.
• "You will eventually. Just wait. Contact me when you have the issue fixed and only then, as I can't help before that." He stands and walks to the door opening it. Nodding, I walk out, looking back towards him, confused.
• "So," his hand goes up, stopping me from talking.
• "Daniella, just go. Don't show up again. If you find a guy fine, message me, and I will help, but it will all be through messages, not in person anymore." He shuts the door. Turning, I walk away, maybe pushing him about why he doesn't sleep with women was wrong?