Chapter 7 Not Mine To Have

• Liam’s P.O.V.
• “I have a girlfriend,” Noah muttered, and I recoiled, like he had shoved me off him even though his words were no different.
• “What?” Veronica was next to speak, equally stunned as I was.
• “I have a girlfriend.” He repeated once more.
• I stood up from where I knelt under him and moved to my chair, dropping on it.
• I cleared my throat, anything to erase what he had just said.
• What was this feeling?
• It felt like there was this anger and bitterness coursing through my veins. Noah could be lying just to get out of the hole Veronica had dug but I couldn’t stop the tormented feeling settled at the nest of my core.
• “You do?” Noah’s father asked, his voice carrying an eerie sense of lightness that wasn’t there before.
• I looked at Noah, his shoulders were hunched, tension rolling off him in a wave.
• Was it that terrible if his family found out he liked men?
• “Yes, her name is Clarissa.” He swallowed, and immediately I hated whoever Clarissa was, it didn't matter whether she did exist or not.
• His mother clapped her hand excitedly, a spark in her eyes as she smiled widely. “Veronica made me scared there.”
• His shoulder stiffened at the mention of the words Veronica had said earlier, and I felt guilty for being here.
• I shouldn’t have agreed to come with Veronica. She had told me about a family dinner and, with the help of my mom, she was able to drag me along with her.
• I didn’t realize it was at Noah’s house—I didn’t realize I was going to sit at a table where Noah would be an object of his family speculation.
• I hated that I was the reason Veronica had said this stuff. She wanted to poke at him, she wanted to rub us in his face, but there were no us. We were merely two people who got together under a circumstance and, right now, my hatred for Veronica was competing with the hatred I had for ‘Clarissa’.
• I hated her for being a barrier between me and Noah and I despise her even more for making Noah’s sexuality a topic to be dissected.
• “Clarissa?” Veronica’s father snorted. “Seems like a made-up character.”
• His wife burst out laughing after.
• The urge to lose my cool was right around the corner, the temptation holding me in a choke-hold.
• How could they be this horrible?
• I looked at Noah and gone was the man who had a snarky response to everything. In his place was someone who seemed like a little boy.
• I could feel my chest physically hurt from seeing him this way. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to touch him, I wanted him—
• Fuck, I wasn’t going to open that can of worms, instead I turned back to the table and said in a casual tone. “Are you guys always this homophobic and nasty or are you in your prime today?”
• I could hear the sharp intake of breath from beside me as the table went silent.
• “Babe?” Veronica's eyes were wide as she stared at him. Probably wondering why I was standing up for Noah when I wasn’t shy about my dislike for him.
• I couldn’t stand him—I also couldn’t stand him not being the Noah I was familiar with.
• The loud, silly, obnoxious kind, that was who Noah was, not the timid person sitting beside me.
• “Do not baby me, Veronica,” I snarled. “You can’t go a day without causing commotion, can you?”
• Noah's hand gripped mine underneath the table, and my attention diverted to him. He stared at me with an emotion I couldn’t place and shook his head.
• Why was he letting them get away with this?
• I looked away at him and at his parents, who looked embarrassed. For their sake or his?
• My chair screeched as I stood up. I adjusted my jacket and turned to Noah’s mother.
• “Thank you for this lovely dinner,”
• I shared one last look with Noah, before walking toward and out the door.
• I couldn’t care for Veronica right now, but I could tell she was behind me, with the clash of her heels against the floor.
• “Are you done throwing a tantrum now?” She spoke, the second we had gotten to my car.
• I spun to face her, my blood boiling at the fact she thought I was throwing a tantrum.
• “Tantrum?” I hissed at her. “You sat comfortably on that table, and took jabs at Noah’s sexuality, knowing his family was damn homophobic, and you are calling this a tantrum?”
• She flinched. “It was just a harmless joke.”
• “Harmless?” I laughed but with no wits. “You call that harmless?”
• “Yes and I thought you hated Noah?”
• “I hate people like you even more,” I jabbed.
• She laughed like I had said something funny, while the anger in me was threatening to explode.
• I couldn’t stand this. I couldn’t stand seeing her face right now.
• “Go home, Veronica.”
• Her humor disappeared and she stared at me bloated. “You don’t mean that, Liam. You wouldn’t dare.”
• “Or what? I'm sure your parents can take you home.” I grinned.
• “I will call your mum, if you leave me here.”
• I laughed, throwing my head back. “Have fun with that.”
• “Does your mum know?”
• I stopped in my tracks.
• “About Noah? Does she know you were in love with him?”
• I whipped around so fast, and moved closer to her. “You will leave Noah’s name out of your filthy mouth!”
• “Why? He is a threat to us, to you baby. He needs to be out of your space.”
• I stepped back as her hand reached out to touch me. “You are nothing, Veronica. Nothing but a parasite.”
• I got into my car, and closed the door harshly, ignoring her calling out for me.
• I wouldn’t stand there and let her hang Noah over my head.
• Fuck!
• I hit my steering harshly, gripping it as my knuckles turned white.
• I was just a puppet, nothing more than the person my mother wanted me to be.
• Noah wasn’t mine to have, but why did it still hurt this badly?—why was the thought of not having him unbearable?
• I was supposed to hate him, that was how it was meant to be, but I don’t remember ever feeling that.
• I only knew how to hide vulnerability. I didn’t know how to hate Noah.
• The ringtone of my phone made me move my head to look at it. Veronica must have gone to cry for my mum once more. That was why she was blowing my phone off.
• I canceled her call and she called back the next second.
• “Liam!” Her voice came through the second I picked.
• “Hello Mum,” I hesitated.
• There was a migraine forming at the back of my head, and she was no doubt going to make it worse.
• “What do you think you are doing?” She snapped and I winced.
• “Can you not shout? I am having a terrible migraine right now.”
• “I do not care about that, do you remember your promise to me?”
• I scoffed, knowing where this was going.
• “You promised me, and now you are going back on your words?” She spoke again.
• “She is terrible, I don’t think I can go on with this.”
• “Liam!” She bellowed. “Do you know what’s at stake? When are you ever going to stop being selfish?”
• I grimaced with disgust. “Selfish?” I scoffed. “You are calling me selfish when I have substituted your happiness for mine?! The audacity mum.”
• “It is for your own good, son”
• “Yeah, you have told me a million times. Don’t call me again Mum, or I will have to block you.”
• I ended the call and, as expected, the migraine had spread all the way to the front of my head.
• Damn all of them!
• I pulled over at my place and got out of the car and into the house.
• I sighed. The weight on my shoulders felt extremely heavy tonight. It felt like a ton of bricks weighing me down.
• I stumbled to my bar, pulling my jacket off and leaving it on the couch.
• Reaching for a bottle of whiskey, I took out a cup and poured myself a glass.
• I haven’t drunk in a while, but it felt like the pent-up frustration from all these years was finally catching up to me.
• I took a sip from the glass, the burn making me feel a little lighter.
• I kept on drinking, pouring glass after glass that I had lost count after my fifth drink.
• My mind was a fumbled mess, and I was spent in the bar. I could feel my clothes on my body, the beat of my heart thumping erratically.
• I wish it was so allowed to stay like this—easy and free but only if wishes were horses.
• And I hated horses.