Chapter 5 A Shadow Of The Past

• Noah’s P.O.V.
• I had no idea what to do with this bomb of emotions Liam just dropped on me. I had no idea what to do with the storm wrecking my insides, trying to swallow me whole.
• He sent me a letter.
• Liam had reached out to me.
• And now I didn’t know how to handle the guilt that had settled in the pit of my stomach.
• I stood there, reeling, trying to stop my hands from shaking.
• I reached for my phone, taking a sharp breath as I dialed Alex's number.
• “Hello?” Alex's voice came through after the second ring.
• I steadied my breath and retorted “Can you come pick me up?”
• “Where are you?”
• There was a shuffling sound in the background, then the sound of a door closing.
• “I don’t know,” I looked around, trying to find something he could work with, but I was trying so hard not to break down to notice anything around me.
• “Nook?”
• “I don’t know, Alex." I am trying to figure it out,” I rushed out as I struggled to take my next breath.
• “Alright, just put on your location and I will handle it.”
• His car rumbled just before the call disconnected.
• I did as he said, fumbling with my phone until my location was on.
• The moments dragged on, each second ticking like a countdown, and it felt like my destruction was just a moment away.
• I don’t know how long I stood there, wallowing in my thoughts as every possibility that could have happened if only I had gotten the letter swirled in my mind—of what we could have been.
• I didn’t hear the sound of Alex’s car pulling up, or the sound of his feet padding across the pavement to reach me, but I felt it when he bent down and took me into his arms.
• “Jesus Nook, what happened to you?” He whispered, sounding afraid that he might set me off.
• Noah doesn’t cry.
• Noah could handle it.
• How was I to crash when it wasn't expected of me?
• I stood up with shaky knees and trembling breaths and I chided myself for not being strong enough—for not being Noah.
• I wish I could go back to the times when Liam and I would sit on the football pitch, left to ourselves, left to the whisper of our feelings.
• I longed for that moment right now.
• I moved towards his car with Alex trailing behind me.
• I felt fragile.
• Opening the car door, I got in, closing the door behind me.
• Alex got in after me, looking at me before turning the key in the ignition.
• I am sure he had questions, but how do I give him answers when even I myself was clueless?
• Where was the letter?
• How did I not get it?
• Is the universe laughing at me right now? Or did it slip through the cracks of an uncaring universe?
• How did I get here?
• "Noah, we are here," Alex said, his voice sounding like a distant sound in my head.
• “Thank you.” I croaked, reaching out for the door handle.
• He held me back. “Are you okay?”
• I wanted to lie so badly, I wanted to scream at the universe for putting me in this position, but I had no strength, not after the weight that was just dropped on me.
• I shook my head and got down, walking slowly into my house even as Alex lingered behind, trying to make sure I went inside.
• I closed the door to my house and sagged against it.
• Talk about a fucking day.
• I was used to letting go, used to pretending shit didn’t hurt, but not with this. Not with the realization that Liam had waited for me.
• I wanted answers, and I was going to get them.
• ❧
• The rest of the night faded, and I stood in front of the mirror, fixing my tie as I tried to smile.
• Anything to make me look better than the mess I look like right now.
• I had tossed and turned all night and now, the repercussions stared back at me as my eyes felt heavy and trimmed red. I looked like a walking disaster in clothes, but what could I do?
• I was going through a phase all over again, a phase I thought I was over with—turns out I lived through nothing. I lived through a pain that was only caused by me, not Liam, but now I am living through the pain, the pain of letting Liam down.
• And I was going to wallow in it, because I deserved it.
• I can still remember the look in his eyes as he mentioned the letter. It was taunting me, and I did nothing to stop it.
• I picked up my cup of coffee, took a sip and dropped it down.
• I couldn’t afford to be late. Reaching for my briefcase on the couch, I rushed out of my house and into my car.
• I began driving even as my thoughts kept reverting to Liam.
• How do I get answers from him?
• Why was he getting married to Veronica?
• Did he still have feelings for me?
• Were we past the fixing point?
• I was a dick and it actually hurts.
• I parked my car and got down. After countless reassurances, I gave myself that today wasn’t going to go bad.
• I took a deep breath for what felt like the 10th time today and started walking into the company.
• The eyes on me today felt like a thousand needles on my skin, and I was jumpy, expecting Liam to pop out of nowhere to humiliate me or something, but I wouldn’t cuss him out this time.
• Damn Liam Hayes for making me feel this way.
• I feel fucked.
• “Mr Reed?” The daunting voice of Liam reached my ears.
• I stopped in my steps as my stomach churned.
• God.
• I could already feel the dark cloud looming over my head.
• “A minute?” He asked and got into his office with his door opened a little, an invitation for me to follow him.
• I began moving, dragging my feet at a slower pace, but nothing could make me avoid Liam.
• He was on a mission to ruin me.
• “Yes?” I answered the second I entered his office.
• “What’s the update?” He asked from behind his table as he stared at me with those dark eyes and yearning hit me like a truck.
• What happened to not feeling anything?
• This man had ruined my heart and the remaining pieces left were reaching out to him like metal to magnet.
• I was doomed and there was no helping me.
• “Mr Reed?” He called out again, and I snapped out of my reverie.
• “Yes?”
• "The documents I gave you 24 hours to handle, where are they?"
• Of course, he was back to his default.
• Cold and destructive.
• “I am not finished with it yet,” I muttered.
• Hell, I wasn’t more than a file in.
• "I gave you 24 hours, that should have been enough."
• If you hadn’t dropped a bomb on me within those hours, I wanted to snap, but I bit my tongue back.
• “I will get it done.”
• He hummed and stared at me, saying nothing.
• I was folding and he knew that.
• "About the letter,"
• “You can leave.” He dismissed me coldly, cutting me off.
• I sighed and turned.
• I wanted to shout at him, wanted to beg him to stop shutting me out, but I didn’t have the courage to turn back and demand answers.
• “Noah,” he called, “You should stop slacking off or else you are out.”
• I opened his door and stomped out, jamming it loudly behind me.
• Fuck Liam and that forsaken letter.
• He could suck my cock for all I care.