Chapter 5 Late-night Thoughts

• The quiet of the night enveloped Celia as she sat on the edge of her bed, her thoughts spinning. The soft glow from the bedside lamp barely illuminated the room, casting a serene, almost ethereal glow over everything. But inside, she was anything but calm.
• Her mind replayed the events of the afternoon, over and over, as if she were trying to decipher some hidden message in the brief moments with Alexander. She should have been able to brush it off, to forget about the subtle way his gaze lingered on her, the tension that seemed to simmer just beneath the surface every time they interacted. But she couldn’t.
• The image of him by the pool kept flashing before her eyes—the way he had glanced at her, the faint traces of a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, the coolness in his tone despite the undeniable chemistry between them. There had been something in the way he had looked at her, something that made her pulse quicken and her body respond in ways she didn’t want to admit.
• It was nothing, she told herself, trying to calm the racing thoughts in her head. He was just being polite. He didn’t—he couldn’t—feel the same way.
• But even as she tried to convince herself, the magnetic pull of her desire for him continued to gnaw at her, a constant hum in the back of her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d looked at her—how she had caught that brief flicker of something in his eyes, something deeper than mere politeness. But maybe it was just me imagining things, she thought, pressing her hands to her face as if trying to erase the thoughts that had taken root.
• Her body, however, didn’t seem to care about reason or logic. The heat in her chest still simmered, lingering like a slow burn. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face—the sharp angles of his jaw, the way his hair had fallen just enough to give him that effortlessly handsome look, the muscles in his arms that had flexed subtly when he adjusted his position by the pool.
• She shifted uncomfortably, trying to push the thoughts out of her mind. But the more she tried to suppress them, the stronger they became. She could still feel the lingering trace of his presence, like an invisible thread connecting them. The weight of his gaze, the heat of his touch—everything felt alive, burning beneath her skin, refusing to be ignored.
• Celia stood up abruptly and crossed to the window, needing some fresh air to clear her mind. She pulled the curtain aside and peered out into the darkness. The night was still, the mansion bathed in the soft light of the moon. The shadows stretched long across the grounds, and the occasional rustling of leaves in the trees outside was the only sound that broke the silence.
• Why can’t I just be normal about this? she thought, feeling frustrated with herself. He’s Alexander. My father’s best friend. I’m not supposed to feel this way about him.
• But there was no denying the truth of it. She did feel this way. She had for years, even when she had been too young to fully understand what it meant. The forbidden nature of it had only made the attraction more intense. The idea that it was off-limits, that it was wrong, had made her desire for him that much more irresistible.
• She couldn’t even remember when the feelings had started. It hadn’t been an instant thing—no, it had crept up slowly, like a secret she didn’t even realize she was keeping from herself. At first, it had been nothing more than admiration—his success, his confidence, the way he moved through the world with such ease. But then, over the years, that admiration had evolved into something deeper, something that kept her up at night, wondering if he’d ever see her as more than just the daughter of his best friend.
• Her hands gripped the windowsill as she tried to steady herself. The cool breeze from outside blew in, but it did little to cool the fire burning within her. This is ridiculous, she thought, closing her eyes tightly. You need to stop this. You can’t let him get under your skin like this.
• But every time she thought about pushing him away, about creating the distance she knew she needed, the pull of him grew stronger. It was as if something inside her was drawn to him, an invisible force that she couldn’t break free from.
• What if he’s never going to see me that way? The thought made her stomach twist in a way she couldn’t explain.
• What if he didn’t notice her? What if her obsession with him was just that—an obsession, a fantasy that could never be realized?
• She shook her head, fighting the sinking feeling in her chest. Stop, she told herself again. Stop thinking about this. It’s not worth it.
• But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t escape it. The more she tried to push him out of her mind, the more he occupied her thoughts. It was maddening, like a constant itch she couldn’t scratch. Even when he wasn’t around, his presence loomed over her—his voice, his laugh, the way his hand had brushed against hers the night before when he’d walked past her.
• He’s just being kind, she reasoned. He’s just being polite, treating me like the daughter of his best friend. Nothing more.
• But deep down, Celia knew that it wasn’t that simple. There was something more there. Something unspoken. Something that neither of them was willing to acknowledge, but that neither of them could fully deny.
• She sat back down on the edge of her bed, her hands resting in her lap as she stared at her reflection in the darkened window. She looked almost fragile, like a person caught in a storm she couldn’t escape. Her lips were parted slightly, her chest rising and falling with each shaky breath she took.
• Celia didn’t know how long she sat there, lost in her thoughts, the minutes stretching into what felt like hours. She wasn’t even sure what she was hoping for—an answer, a sign that things could be different between her and Alexander. But in the stillness of the night, with nothing but her restless thoughts for company, she realized that the only thing she could do was wait.
• And she wasn’t sure how much longer she could wait before everything inside her would break open.