Chapter 12 Friday At Six

• She sighed. "John, there are some things you need to know. I never intended for this to turn out as it did. I never intended to hurt you so badly. I was 24 years old, for God's sake. We got married when we were 19. I felt as if I was suffocating. I wasn't leaving you; I just needed some space for a while. I tried to explain it, but I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job. You went all nuclear and divorced me. You moved to Alaska, for God's sake. Alaska, John, really? Is that the place you thought would be the greatest distance you could get from me?"
• "Yes, as a matter of fact, it was," I said. "You moved out, left me. We were talking about starting a family, and then in one month, it all went to shit. You left. Your choice."
• "Yes, I moved out," she said. "I was scared. I was losing myself. The idea of having a baby scared me to death. I just panicked. I know it sounds to you like a bunch of shit. It does to me, too, now that I'm not a stupid immature baby. I felt like there was no me, there was only us and I felt like I was losing my identity. I panicked and got stupid, okay? I never meant to really leave you. I just wanted a little space, a little time to figure out who Sara really was and what she was all about. I thought I'd see you every week; make love to you, that it would be like we were when we were dating. I wasn't leaving you, John. I didn't want another man; I wanted us to stay exclusive, but you were too busy shouting at me to get that. I was just trying to establish myself as my own person. I thought it would be a few months and I'd move back in. I loved you, John. I still love you. You hurt me a lot when you went nuts like that. I know I hurt you, too, and I need to tell you how sorry I am for that. I'm sorry, John. I fucked everything up. I didn't mean to do that, but I did."