Chapter 2 The Restroom Wails

• I don't know how long I stood lost in my own thoughts in that hospital room. But I knew that the weight in my chest was heavier than what I could carry.
• My legs were trembling under me even while I made the affirmations and vows. My mouth was dry and my eyes were as though they'd been holding back a flood since the day my father left this wicked world.
• Now, my mom? Of all people? To have cancer?
• I didn't wait to hear anything more from what the doctors had to say. I slowly excused myself like a coward and ran straight to the nearest restroom.
• I didn't care to check if it was for the ladies or for the gentlemen..
• I just needed to breathe, I needed to break down because I have been acting too strong lately.
• As soon as I entered, the cold tiles hit my knees before I could even lock the door.
• I slumped to the ground, hands covering my face, my whole body was shaking. I wailed.
• I wailed the kind of cry that rips your soul open. The kind of cry that turns you into an animal- groaning, panting, gasping.
• The doctor's voice still echoes in my head…
• "Mrs Kings, you've been diagnosed with cancer. I am so sorry"....
• "Not a fever, not malaria, not an over the counter kind of illness but the fucking bloody cancer!!! For real?"
• "We are poor! I am fatherless, she is a widow, no helper, nothing and you come out of your fucking office to diagnose her of cancer? To literally tell me my mum is dying right in my face?" I mumbled while hitting the wall..
• "God, why now? What have I done to deserve such punishments… you are so cruel you know that right? Haven't we suffered enough? You want me to be an orphan in this lonely world?"...
• My voice echoed inside the restroom like it was mocking me. I didn't even hear the tap running, I didn't realize someone else was in there. Until I heard a quiet voice…
• "Hey… are you okay?"... I froze.
• I wiped my face quickly with the back of my palm and looked up.
• A woman, tall, fair skinned, maybe in her early thirties….wearing a white coat with 'Dr. Vanessa's embroidered in a small blue thread. Beneath the coat was a well made blue scrub.
• For a moment, I wished I was a doctor, just for that scrub… I loved it.
• Her face was neat on a peach transparent glass. She looked like someone who doesn't cry. Who had all she wanted at her beck and call. Her aura gave rich and classy.
• "Sorry", I mumbled, trying to stand..
• "I didn't mean to cause a scene"...
• "No, no".. she said quickly and politely, crouching a little.
• "It's okay… you are human and we have emotions. What happened?"...
• I looked down again… I didn't want to talk. I didn't know who she was. What if she laughed? What if she was the type that judged people who didn't have anything? So I shook my head and replied, "Nothing… I'm fine"...
• She titled her head.. "You are clearly not fine… are you sure about that?"...
• I simply nodded.
• "Okay…that's fine. You don't have to tell me. I just…. I heard you crying and I wanted to check on you"...
• There was a silent pause…One of those awkward pauses..
• Then, her voice softened a little more…
• "Were you just in room 108?"...
• I blinked, how did she know?
• I can't remember seeing her with the other doctors.
• "Is she your mother?"
• "Yes, she is mother"...
• "I see".. she nodded quietly. "I'm so sorry…really sorry about the news"...
• Her tone made me glance at her again properly and the tears I was holding back fell down my face. She was gentle, empathetic and I was sure that came from her heart.
• But I don't know why…why I felt like I didn't need more pity.
• I was tired of being the one receiving the empathies, the sympathieties and the pity from others.
• I managed a weak nod, sniffed and tried to wipe my smot from my nose without looking disgusting.
• "She's all I have".. I said, my voice cracking.
• Dr. Nessa nodded, "Life isn't fair sometimes. It is infact cruel to some of us, if not all and believe me I am not an exception"...
• That sentence felt like a slap. I hated hearing that. Because I knew it. I lived it but hearing it from someone who looked like they had everything made it worse.
• I stood up properly now and rinsed my face at the sink beside her. My eyes met hers in the mirror for the first time. Her eyes were also red.
• Had she been crying?... or was it the water?
• "Are you okay too?"... I asked, in a low tone.
• She chuckled lightly, but it was hollow.
• "I'm fine. Just a long boring and stressful day".
• That was the end of our chat…
• She dried her hands and walked towards the door. But just before she left, she turned and asked, "what's your name, young lady?"...
• "Haven".... I replied, without thinking or blinking.. "Haven Kings"...
• Her expression twitched. Just for a little moment. Almost like she recognized the name.
• "Kings… hmmm? Same surname as his…" she mumbled.
• While I nodded slowly… "Who?"
• "Oh… never mind".. she cleared her throat and gave a small reassuring smile.
• "Take care if yourself, Haven"
• And with that, she left….
• I just stood there, confused.
• "What was she talking about. Who? My dad?"...
• But I didn't think too deep. My heart had bigger issues. When I stepped out of the restroom, the world suddenly felt louder and heavier.
• I dragged my body back to where my mother was lying, tubed running through her nose, the machines already beeping and infusion fluids connected.
• A weak smile barely tugging her lips as she saw me return…
• "Baby".. she said, her voice faint. "Where did you go?"...
• I took her hand and smiled. I just needed some air and wash my face as well. You look beautiful, mum"
• She smiled faintly, "Even now?"...
• "Always…" I whispered to her just as my father does everyday. And I meant it.
• I left her to rest while my mind kept spinning.
• "Rent was due. Hospital bills are coming, chemotherapy would start soon and I couldn't even afford a painkiller".
• I was tired, tired of burying my people, tired of crying in the hospital restrooms, tires of being strong even when I had no strength left.