Chapter 5 You're The Only One I See

• “Then you’ll always leave me wondering.”
• “A couple of days in Vegas and you won’t wonder anymore.” He leans forward in the chair, the wood creaking long and low beneath his bulk. “You’d be wise to get back on the bus to whatever little town you came from and run home to mommy and daddy.”
• “Never.” I’m very annoyed at him and yet…I want to crawl into his lap and pout and incite him further. My urges seem to conflict with the situation. Shouldn’t I want to slap him, instead of crawling closer and getting right in his face? Because that’s where I am. Leaned forward, matching his pose, until our faces are very close together. “Tell me what I’m built for.”
• “No,” he booms.
• Though his raised voice makes my insides tremble a little, I stand my ground. Somehow I know he wouldn’t lay a finger on me out of anger. But how do I know that? “Then I’ll just go get a job at a different casino and find out.”
• That’s a bluff.I don’t know of the other casinos and none of the places I applied a week since from home answered my résumé submission—which I spent all day yesterday sending out from a Staples off the Strip. I don’t lie often, but again, there is something inside of me that naturally pushes this man’s buttons for enjoyment. Like I’m supposed to. Like it’s the right thing for us.
• His gaze is locked on my mouth and he swallows over and over again. Audibly. That thick Adam’s apple sliding up and down in his muscular throat. His hands are in fists on his knees, knuckles white. “God forgive me for saying this.” His voice is uneven.
• “You have a girl next door face and…the kind of body men drag into dark corners, plagued by the need to fuck. You will have them in a frenzy. You will have them ignoring their consciences for the chance to get their cocks wet between the two sweetest legs I’ve ever seen. And here I am, ready to kill the next man who even looks. Do you understand? I will be in a constant state of rage. You cannot work the floor. For my sanity. For the safety of the population.”
• I hear a rasping sound in the room and slowly realize it’s my shallow breathing. As he gave the crude, enlightening speech, my nipples have stiffened and the instinct to slither onto his lap and goad him into…into something has grown so strong, I can barely resist it. “You don’t feel this way about the other waitresses?”
• His brief laugh holds no humor. “They are invisible to me. You will be the only thing I see.” His chest rattles up and down. “I can’t have that.”
• “Why not?”
• “I’m alone. I will remain alone. I do my job, go to church and go home. You are not going to prance in here in your tight thrift shop dress and tempt me toward a dark path.”
• “You make me sound evil,” I whisper.
• “You are the furthest thing from evil, but you will inspire it. In others.” He exhales unsteadily, his attention dropping to my breasts. “In me.”
• Push him.
• I don’t know where the voice in the back of my head is coming from. It has never been there before, almost like it is specific to this man. If another man spoke to me like this, I would be running for the exit, yet with the giant, I stand up and gravitate closer. Closer. Until I’m in the V of his thighs, my fingers playing with the top button of my dress.
• Jade told me there’s a chance I’ll need to take off my dress for Alexander to get the waitressing job. That advice doesn’t fit the man in front of me. Dante.But it’s the excuse I need to unhook that top button and watch his chest heave, a choked moan seemingly coming from deep inside of him. “Don’t go any further,” he bites off, winded.
• Push. Just a little more. “How will I inspire evil in you?”
• “You already have. I’m old enough to be your father. The corrupt actions I would take with you once my willpower breaks…they are wrong. And immoral.” He closes his eyes as if in prayer. “Dear lord above, I can’t sustain this kind of temptation.”
• “Are you talking about sex?” I whisper.
• His eyes open, harder than before. Ruthless. “The fact that you have to ask proves you aren’t ready to be here.”
• Those words are like an arrow piercing me right in the throat.
• How many times did my father tell me I wouldn’t make it two days in the real world? All my life, I’ve been made to feel useless. Even while doing everything to make the household run, the farm productive. I worked my fingers to the bone and still, I was worth nothing. Never recognized or thanked or treated like an equal. I’m not going to let this man make me feel that way. And why does it hurt so much coming from him when we’ve only just met?