Chapter 6 Confession with Martha

• I GASPED at the warm breath hitting my face and the heavy objects that cover my legs and waist. I slowly looked up just to be surprised by what I saw.
• A sudden intense nervousness poured into my whole being and it was as if I was drenched in cold water that suddenly awoke my spirit.
• W-what happened? W-where am I? And why, am I naked? My God! Who is this man beside me?
• When the events of last night sank in on me, I suddenly took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly. I gripped the blanket that only covered my nakedness and that of the one next to me.
• Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
• I watched the man who was still sound asleep.
• What have I done last night? All I remember is that incident when he approached me and introduced himself. We then talked. I enjoyed his company, we enjoyed laughing together. But this… Why did this happen?
• I remember everything well. He kissed me. We danced. I got more tipsy, ‘then… He invited me here. And damn! I went with the spirit of liquor inside my senses.
• How could I do this to myself? Why did I agree? I was no different from what Kathy explained to me. Forgetful and unintentional! Damn it!
• I felt so sore between my thighs. I winced at the intense pain. I glared at the one next to me. I really want to slap him and scratched him all over his face for taking advantage of my drunkenness.
• Lee, that was his name. Other than that I don't remember anything. I don't even know his last name.
• I bit my lip so hard. What now? I’m still confused as to what to do at those times. I felt so weak and hopeless.
• I need to think before he even wakes up. I also need to hurry and get out of this place immediately. What happened last night should stay last night.
• I moved very carefully to get out of his tight embrace and remove his leg from me. Then I got up carefully.
• Ah… Shit!
• I winced again at the pain I feel. I immediately picked up all my clothes and hurriedly got dressed. I didn’t want him to get a glimpse of my face while I was still at his place because I didn’t look like I could face what happened to the two of us. What happened should just be forgotten, I didn’t know who he was. he's a stranger and worst, maybe he's a family.
• Charmane! What have you done with your life? Just because you want to forget, did you let this happen to yourself?
• Damn those bullshit thoughts. It doesn't help, it just makes my problem worse.
• When I was finally able to get dressed I first glanced at the stranger.
• I hope you’ll forget what happened last night. Like me, just imagine that everything that happened to us was just a dream. A dream that didn’t happen in real life.
• I felt the pain of the center in my lower body again. I endured it even though I stumbled on the walk just to get out of that place where I was enveloped in a bad dream.
• I glanced at the man one last time.
• Good-bye, stranger.
• ***
• I was finally in the taxi, there, I'll be able to breathe freely.
• Idiot! You're such an idiot, Charmane!
• The spirit traveling through everything that happened to me from Andrei and Kathy. It hurts to think but they are the root of why I did such a thing. Such horrible I got to experience.
• One-night stand! I let that man took the most important thing for me. And that is because of them, I was able to forget and give of myself. I hate them! I really hate them!
• I felt pity for myself. I wanted to cry but the driver looked at me from his rearview mirror.
• "Ma'am, we're already here," he whispered to me.
• I nodded. upon reaching the payment I immediately went down and hurried to enter the gate of our house. I went straight to my room.
• It's sad to think that I have nothing to say about my problem. I have no family by my side to vent my resentment, even my big sister who was always by my side to support me and cheer me up. I don’t know how to tell this to my family.
• Oh, God, please help me…
• My family was currently living in California, USA. I was the only one left living in this lonely house. they migrated four years ago since my Sister got married in the Fil-Am. My Sister met her fiancé in the US. Six years ago, my parents gave him a ticket trip to the US. It was a gift because she had completed a Business Administration course and got the title of Summa Cum Laude.
• We belonged to a middle-class family. Our parents developed a business that provided for our living. My sister was also lucky because she was able to marry a wealthy Fil-Am. My Sister's husband's family is one of the leading successful businesses in California. The man's family is kind so there is no problem in their love affair.
• Her husband named was, Billy James Anderson. Billy offered a business to Mom and Dad. At first, they were hesitant to accept that because of our small business here in the Philippines. But my Sister forced them. I don't think she could live without our parents by his side. She was a spoiled brat compared to me who can live and manage my own life. I am more independent than my Sister.
• Our parents sold our livelihood because I did not want to manage it. Plus, I’m still studying and have no idea how to manage that. they didn't want to leave me alone, but I forced them because they also wanted to go to that country for a long time.
• They didn’t push me to go with them. But we had a deal that when I finished school, I would follow them there and there to live and work. I just agreed with them to finish everything.
• The house I live in is the house that Daddy founded for the four of us. It was quite large and the yard was spacious. They did not even allow me to live here alone. So our loyal housemaid, Martha, was always been with me. I am kind to consider her as my second Mother.
• After graduating, my parents came home to attend my graduation. My Sister, Billy, and my cute nephew who was only two years old at the time also came. That time, they hurried all my papers to be settled when they are about to return to America. I refused, especially since Andrei and I were together at that time. All our plans suddenly changed because of Andrei. I prefer to still live here in the Philippines and work for a good company.
• At first, my parents were very unwilling, especially my Sister. But I did my best to convince them, also with the help of Billy. h
• He helped me convince my family until they did nothing with my decision.
• I just woke up meditating with a knock on my door. Martha came in and sat down next to my bed.
• "Charm, sweetheart."
• I lifted my face. Because maybe with my excessive emotions I couldn’t stop the tears from dripping. I just wanted to let go of all the pain I could feel inside my heart. I needed a companion and Martha was by my side.
• She was suddenly upset and immediately comforted me.
• "Sweetie, what's wrong with you?" She asked worriedly. "Charmane?"
• "Mother Martha…" I said while crying.
• All the trouble and resentment I told her. Especially the wasted relationship with Andrei. I know, even if she didn’t choose Andrei, she still felt sorry for me.
• She was even sadder when Kathy was probably the cause of everything. She treated Kathy the way she treated me. She even always preached to us that whatever or whatever the reason for our quarrel we should fix it immediately because friendship will measure you by time. Just like a relationship. The problem is also storming.
• I always remembered all her advice. In love, you have many choices, but friend, it’s just one and it won’t leave you in tears.
• “I thought a friend would never leave and not be left in tears, oh Martha? I really hurt so much, Mother Martha.”
• "All right, you cry over that first, Sweetie, I'm just always here and ready to sympathize with you," she said slightly rubbing my back.
• When I stopped crying I resumed the storytelling from last night that I went into a bar to drink and forget. I even confessed all my crazy moves, as what happened to me and to that stranger. I hid nothing, I revealed everything while crying.
• I felt Martha was shocked and did not react immediately.
• “Martha, please don’t report me to Mom and Dad. I don't want them to know the shame I did. Please, Mother Martha... They trust me to be alone here because I can and they trust me. Please, I don't want them to know this,” I begged. "Martha, please. I'm just a person who makes mistakes."
• She was crying too. She hugged me tightly. I know he was also concerned about the mistake I had made.
• “It will upset your parents when they know about this, and I am responsible also for your life here. But I can't do anything, it's all happened and that's your decision. all right, I'll give it to you — settle down. Now, stop crying.” She worried so I forced myself to stop my tears as well. "Oh, my child." She just shook her head.
• “Martha...” I hugged her tightly. I missed my mother so much. I also want to hug my Mom so tightly.
• "What if you will get pregnant, Sweetie?" She hesitated to ask that question.
• My heart pounded so fast. What if it really happened?
• God, no. No!
• “D-don’t say that, Martha. I'm not ready yet,” I replied nervously.
• As I remembered what happened to me and to that stranger. I'm sure, he did not use any protection.
• What if what happened pays off?
• Oh, dear Lord, please don’t let it happen, please. Please… I’m only twenty-two, too young for it and I also don’t look like I’m going to face my parents. I can't face their anger. I don’t want to disappoint them. please, I hope what I'm afraid of doesn't happen…