Chapter 5 Crash Course In Common Sense

• Lena slammed the heavy shopping bags onto the floor, the jangle of her keys in the lock grating on her nerves. Kai stood half a step behind, his eyes roaming the cramped sixty-square-meter apartment—the stark white walls, the gleaming metal doorknob, and the ceiling light that flickered on automatically.
• “Come in,” Lena said, kicking off her sneakers and padding barefoot on the wooden floor. “Three rules: no touching the gas stove, no messing with electrical switches, and no—”
• Her words cut off. Kai was crouched by the smart speaker, his fingers gingerly brushing its glowing ring of lights. “Lady Lena, this object has no oil or wick, yet it shines?” He looked up, blue light reflecting in his eyes. “A night pearl?”
• “That’s Xiao Ai. A smart speaker. Call its name, it responds. Not some glowing, demon-repelling artifact.” She stormed over, yanking him by the collar away from the speaker. “Rule one: no touching stuff without my permission!”
• Kai stumbled, his oversized loungewear slipping to reveal a jagged scar on his collarbone. Lena’s gaze caught—clean edges, clearly from a blade, but crusted with an eerie golden scab.
• “You’re hurt?” she frowned.
• He quickly adjusted his collar, expression neutral. “An old wound.” He dodged the topic clumsily, his eyes drifting to the fish tank in the corner. “Why are koi trapped in that water mirror?”
• “Fish tank.” Lena sighed, letting it slide for now. She grabbed two bottles of mineral water from the fridge, tossing one to him. “Watch.” She twisted the cap and took a sip. “Mineral water. Drink it like last night. Not poison, not ‘soul-capturing.’ Got it?”
• Kai mimicked her, twisting the cap but choking as he tried to drink, water dribbling down his chin, staining his shirt. He clearly wasn’t used to chugging straight from a bottle.
• “Slow down!” Lena slapped a tissue onto his face. “Rule two: observe before you act.”
• She trudged to the couch, sinking into the cushions. Dealing with this time-displaced curious kitten was more exhausting than cracking cases. The TV remote sat on the coffee table, instantly drawing Kai’s attention. He hovered a finger over the buttons, glancing at her for permission.
• “You can touch it,” she nodded. “Remote. Controls the TV.”
• Kai cautiously pressed the power button. The TV flared to life, startling him back half a step. A news channel played the weather forecast, a dynamic map with shifting colored symbols behind the anchor.
• “A map of heaven and earth!” Kai gasped. “So lifelike?” His fingers traced a talisman in the air, but nothing happened. Lena caught a flicker of disappointment in his eyes.
• “That’s a weather map. Predicts future conditions.” She grabbed the remote, switching to a wildlife documentary. “This is safer.”
• The screen showed lions on the African savanna. Kai’s eyes narrowed, his body tensing like he faced a mortal threat. “Suanni beasts! How are such ferocious creatures—”
• “Fake!” Lena turned down the volume. “It’s a recording. Like… shadow puppet plays. Got those in your time?”
• Kai eyed the screen skeptically until a lion cub playfully pounced on its mother’s tail. His shoulders relaxed. “This art is exquisite,” he murmured, “surpassing the mystic light mirror.”
• Lena seized the moment, holding up her phone. “Know what this is?”
• He shook his head, his black hair swaying. She opened the camera, aiming it at him. “Look at the screen.”
• When Kai saw his face on the phone, his reaction was a spectacle—shock, confusion, then childlike glee. “A soul-binding spell?” He touched the screen gingerly. “Why is my soul not captured?”
• “It’s a photo.” Lena scrolled through her gallery to show him.
• Kai pointed at the panda on her phone case. “This black-and-white beast… a young iron-eating creature?”
• “Panda. National treasure.” Lena couldn’t help a grin. “Didn’t have them in your era?”
• Kai leaned closer, nose nearly touching the screen. “Why is it gnawing bamboo scrolls?”
• She laughed, shoulders shaking. “That’s a phone stand!” She opened a panda video. “This is the real thing.”
• In the video, a panda tumbled backward into a grass pile. Kai shot to his feet, sleeve flaring. “Beware!”
• “It’s a recording!” Lena clutched her aching stomach from laughing. “Sit!”
• The microwave dinged. Kai whirled, fingers poised like a sword. “What demon dares—?”
• “Just heating milk…” Lena pulled a mug from the microwave, smirking mischievously. “Try it?”
• Kai sniffed the mug warily, took a sip, and his eyes widened. “Nectar of the gods?”
• “Discounted, near-expired milk…” Before she finished, he downed it, a milk mustache on his lips. Without thinking, she wiped it with her thumb. They both froze.
• “My apologies,” Kai said, stepping back, ears pink.
• “Rule three,” Lena turned, pretending to fuss with the fridge, “no… random blushing.”
• The doorbell rang. Kai instinctively stepped in front of her, a faint golden glow flickering in his sleeve.
• “Who’s there?” Lena pushed past him.
• “It’s me, Lena!” Neighbor Aunt Susan’s booming voice came through. “I made pork rib soup for you!”
• Lena yanked Kai toward the bedroom. “Hide!”
• “Why?” Kai didn’t budge. “Her aura is ordinary, not a cultivator.”
• “Because…” Lena stomped in frustration. “You’re impossible to explain!”
• The lock turned—Aunt Suan had a spare key. “Lena? I’m coming in~”
• Too late. When Aunt Suan pushed open the door with a steaming pot, she saw Kai holding the TV remote like a sword, while Lena clung to his arm like a koala.
• The air froze for three seconds.
• “Oh my!” Aunt Susan nearly dropped the pot. “Didn’t know you had company…”
• “Distant cousin!” Lena sprang off Kai. “In town… job hunting! Does historical dramas!”
• Kai bowed, picture-perfect. “I am… Kai.”
• Aunt Susan’s eyes sparkled. “What a handsome lad! Got a girlfriend?”
• “He does!” Lena blurted. “In Hengdian! Fierce director lady!”
• After shooing off the enthusiastic Aunt Susan, Lena collapsed on the couch. “Rule four: don’t blow your cover in front of neighbors!”
• Kai stared at the soup, thoughtful. “That lady… dark energy swirls on her brow.”
• “That’s her new eyebrow tattoo.” Lena shoved a rib into his mouth. “Eat!”
• Kai puffed air, scalded but unwilling to spit it out, cheeks puffed like a hamster. Lena suddenly realized this “common sense” course might take a very, very long time.