Chapter 4908 Taboo Bondage (Incest/Taboo Sex):>Ep8
- And it was worse. Not only did I want to do it again, have it happen again, it needed to be continually MORE. What did that mean? I needed IT to happen again, a literal physical need, like the imprinting of a baby bird on the first thing it sees. My last time with David watching me as I lay naked before him tied up on the bed engendered such an intense physical, emotional response - what other word is there than addiction.
- However, the true reality did not come home to me until I began to make preparations for my 'really intense session.' First, I could do nothing but think about what was to come, and IT would finally replace David. Or so I thought.
- I felt so completely focused, I waited for a week without binding myself in any way - seven whole days - until my body was literally trembling, I felt light headed with lust. I still thought of myself as a solo bondage freak, so I wanted this to be me, me alone. The problem was that I never was able to truly create a total loss of control, because I needed to tie myself up, bind myself and no matter how extreme, there still needed to be that one way of escape and so ultimately I would still be in total control. Fuck! There was no denying it. How could there be NO escape. THAT is what it was, and it couldn't be David. I wanted to be a slave, with fantasies of absolute obedience. Loss of control that is what it was, submitting to something outside and not inside myself.