It has been two days since I was discharged from the hospital. I am always in deep thoughts. It was as if my head was going to explode with so many questions swirling in my brain. When the doctor told me the news, I don't know how to react or feel about it.
Will I be happy? Or will I be sad?
How can I raise this child if I am this young? I'm Only Nineteen.
But, I know, it’s my fault. I was so overwhelmed with the thought that Wright and I would be forever. Maybe, forever’s just a hallucination.
Even Grandma was cold to me. Although we are together under the same roof it feels like she is far away. I know I was a disappointment to her. I am not proud of what I did.
I hope she is not blaming herself for all my wrongdoings.
I don't want her to think that she failed to raise me well. She should not blame herself. I am to blame because I was the one who was wrong, I was the one who loves Wright and believed that his love for me was real.
Shit! It hurts! He is the first man I loved, why didn't he think of that? I gave him everything I have. Right, I have never heard him say 'I love you to me. Not even once. I was blinded by his charms. I was dreaming too much. I was always looking forward.
I touched my womb. I got up from lying on my bed and went to the mirror located on the side of my bedroom. I raised my clothes up to the bottom of my chest, I leaned over to see my belly that shows the small bump. I touched it and caressed it. Suddenly tears welled up in my eyes.
Wright needs to know this. He is also accountable for this, he must take responsibility. With the lifestyle I have now, I can't raise this baby alone. I started getting dressed to go to Wright's condo unit. He needs to know. It is his responsibility.
"Thank you, sir." I politely said to the taxi driver and handed over my payment.
I prepared myself first before I rang the doorbell. I knew how he would react when he saw me on his doorstep once again.
I readied myself, the moment I saw his face the first thing I would feel is pain.
My hand trembled as I raised it to ring the doorbell. I close my eyes when that sounds. He will be responsible for me. I am not the only one responsible for this child.
"Oh, it’s you again." When I opened my eyes, a woman with blue eyes opened the door for me.
Was that her name?
Suddenly my knees trembled as they entered my mind. She is here again. Are they living together?
"I-I n-need to talk to Wright." I tried to steady my voice.
"Come in." She opened the door wide for me to enter. I was surprised at how she treated me.
“W-Won't you even be angry that I'm here again? You won't shout at me? You won't tweak me or call me anything?”
She laughed heartily. "Why should I? I will not step down at your level. And one more thing, do you think you can get him back from me?"
I could barely move in my seat because of what she said.
No, I have to get him. I have to— for our child.
Even if I hurt someone else, I don’t care anymore, as long as I have Wright. We need him— our baby needs him. I don't care if this woman will get hurt. Wright is mine. I need him. Even though I knew he was hiding from me, I had nothing to lose.
“Just sit down. I'll just call Wright. He is cooking.” She said before going to the location of the kitchen.
I just found out that Wright is cooking. Even then I have never experienced cooking it. Are you that special Claire for him to do that?
What if she's right? What if Wright won’t accept me?
How do I deal with this on my own?!
"What do you want this time?" A cold voice awakened my deep thought. I turned and saw Wright standing in the doorway of his kitchen.
I stood. “W-Wright”
"What else do we need to talk about?" I can’t look him in the eyes because I’m hurt by the blank expression, he gives me.
"Can we talk? In private? Please? This is something important.” I beg you. How many times have I begged him? How many times have I embarrassed myself? I hope he will give me even a moment even just a minute
He looked at Claire who was now clinging to his arms. Claire nodded. Wright took a deep breath. "Library."
He walked first and I just followed it. I stared at his back. Everything I once owned is now owned by someone else.
We sat facing each other in the chair in the library. In his aura now, I can feel that he has no interest in what I have to say.
“Spill it out. I don't want you to stay here. Claire might suspect something between us.” He said coldly.
It was like I was punched for what he said. "I-Is that how much you love her?"
"What do you want to talk about?!" He stared at me. I averted my gaze and bit my lips. “What is it?! Speak up!”
"I-I'm pregnant, Wright," I said directly. There I said it!
“What?!” He said, confused. "Who’s the father?"
I gasped. “Yours! Stupid! ”
I can't control my anger anymore. How dare him! Even then he didn't have a male competitor to me. How could he say it like I’m some whore he got from the streets?!
"Mine?! Are you kidding me ?!”
“I’m four weeks pregnant, you freaking trash!” I tried not to shout for the sake of my baby. I rummaged in my bag and looked for the pregnancy test I had used earlier.
When I found that I stood up and walked in front of him. I slapped the PT in his face. I saw how shocking he was.
“That's the proof I'm pregnant. And it's yours! Don't drag me, Wright. You are the only one who slept with me.” Tears are starting to run down my cheeks. "All the time we've been together, h-have you know anyone linked to me other than you? I-I don't even have any friends at school because they all stay away from me. After all, t-they hate me. T-Then, you doubt me?"
He stood up and hold the PT that I slapped in his face. I was just shocked by my anger. “So, what are you asking for now? Money? Supply?”
My lips parted. I’m not a gold digger! “W-Wright, I-I don’t need money. Y-You. I need you.”
He averted the gaze. "I-I can't do that."
I grabbed both of its arms. “Look at me, W-Wright. P-Please. I need you. We need you. Please. I’m begging you.”
"I-I can't. I'm sorry." He pulled his arms from my grip.
"P-Please, Wright. I…I can't a-afford it alone." I begged. "P-Please, don't leave me!"
"W-What can I do to make you not leave me?"
"Abort it." He said directly. “I am not ready to be a father.”
I stared at him for a few seconds. I can't believe what he just said. I stepped backwards and put my palm on my belly. “W-What?! No! How can you be so selfish, Wright? You’ll kill an innocent child?!”
“If you don't have an abortion, you won’t receive anything from me.”
I pressed my lips together, trembling. I don’t know what to say to him. I knew that by the time I opened my mouth, unkind words would come out of my mouth.
“You’re a beast! I never thought you were like that, Wright. How can you say that?!” I shouted. “This is your child! Shit! If he hears what you are saying, he will be hurt!”
"I don't like responsibility and I hate kids, even more, Melissa." He said coldly. I sat down on the sofa next to me. I feel like my knees can’t take it anymore. “Have an abortion. I’ll take care of all the costs. It costs less than raising a child, Melissa. Your choice.”
"I-I don't want to ..." I covered my face with my palms and started to cry. "No… I don’t want to."
“Then… I won’t take any responsibility. It’s your choice. You may leave now."
I heard the door closed when he left. When I removed my palms, I was alone in the room. He's gone. I hugged myself because of the cold I was feeling.
‘I won’t take any responsibility.’ He said.
How do I deal with this on my own?
I went out of the Library and saw Claire standing outside the door. She looked at me seriously, but joy danced in her eyes. I covered my mouth before the sob could come out. I walked quickly to get out of his condo immediately.
I can no longer bear to see the person who wants to kill my baby.
He threw me away.
He dumped us.
He would not accept us.
Why would I force myself on him?! If he doesn't want to, then I will!
I can do this! I can do this! Even if I am alone. I knew I could also find someone who would appreciate me, and he would not make me suffer the pain I felt when Wright dumped me.
“Mom, wake up! You’re having a nightmare!”
“Mommy...” Why is this voice familiar to me?
I slowly opened my eyes, I adjusted my eyes because of the sunlight that shone on me. I saw familiar eyes staring at me. I got up immediately. I looked at the boy who woke me up. His tiny hands touched my cheek. I smiled when I realize that this was the angel who came into my life.