I'm scared, Ky. I'm scared that one day this would all be over-that I'd even lose you as a friend next.
It's been a whirlwind of drama, and you know of my problems. I'm scared that you'd realize that I was never worth your time. You're like a recorder to all the things I would forget and the light in every tunnel I have.
However, I do wonder on what kind of light you are. Daylight from an opening that would lead me away from all the shit I had to experience or the headlights of a train who would spare no pity as you crush every single part of me.
November 2, 2007. Nine-Years-Old.
"You're not my friend!" Sam yelled, throwing a toy at Kylie, who dodged from the flying object. "You pushed me and embarrassed me!" They were in Sam's room after the fiasco they had back in school. Kylie had been so focused on showing her best friend her new hairstyle, only for her to push him right in front of the girl he liked. That ended with him dumping his face into her chocolate marshmallows.
"I'm sorry," Kylie wailed, dodging each car that he threw at her. Why does he have to be so angry? "It was an accident." His parents weren't home so she had decided to sneak into his room and apologize to him. How could she have known that he'd go ballistic over her and start throwing all of his favorite toy cars?
Sam scowled, "You laughed."
He threw another toy truck at her. Kylie was about to dodge, but she accidentally stumbled to the right, letting the toy hit her right on the forehead. There was silence. At first, the nine-year-old sniffled, but as he moved closer, the tears fell rapidly. Kylie cried, backing away when Sam took a step closer. "It hurts!" She sobbed, a hand on her forehead. "It hurts."
"I-I-" Sam was out of words, mouth agape at the crying girl. "I didn't mean to."
"Go away-I hate you!" Kylie screamed. Her head was pounding from the impact and she could feel a bump forming above her nose. The young girl refused to look at the mirror. I'll look ugly. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I don't want to talk to you anymore."
"I'm sorry. I'll-I'll call Mom."
The boys scampered out of the room and to the telephone, sweat running down his forehead as he went. Kylie pulled her knees together, feeling her cold fingertips brushing the little anklet her mother had made. I won't talk to him again. I will get out of this house and never come back and I will never accept his apologies.
Kylie threw the truck that hit her at the wall, satisfied when she heard a satisfying thump. She hated cars. I'll never play with them again, she thought, frowning. Tears continually slid down her flushed cheeks, but her cries soon turned into small hiccups when Sam came back with a bag of ice. "For you," he handed it to her to which she wrenched from his fingertips scornfully. "I'm sorry." He tried to hold her hands but she only pushed him away.
"Please?" He hovered again in front of her and she pushed him back with a resounding thump. She turned around and faced the wall.
There was another round of silence before Sam walked to his drawer. Kylie could hear a little click and footsteps heading towards her. She looked up to see a small little unicorn-the one she had always wanted from the television show she used to watch. "What if I give you a unicorn?" He said uncertainly, looking from side to side.
Kylie tilted her head, the ice cooling down the hotness she felt from the bump. A smile broke out of her lips and she brightened up almost immediately. "I forgive you." She said dismissively before bringing a hand out. "Now give me my unicorn!"
He gave it to her.
"You aren't going to hit me again, are you?" Kylie asked, gingerly taking the unicorn from his grasp and into hers. Sam stood up straight and brought his right hand out, giving her the most solemn expression that he could muster.
"I won't." Sam shook his head giving her a bright smile. "Friends?"
"Friends," she confirmed.
January 21, 2013. Fifteen-Years-Old.
"Where the heck are you going?"
"It's always like this." Kylie frowned, pointing at him accusingly. "You act as if I'm a dog, Sam. 'Don't do this, Ky.' 'What the hell is your problem, Ky?' You think you can order me around but newsflash, this is the twenty-first century not the eighteen hundreds, so you fucking can't."
Sam took a step forward, jaw clenched and ears tipped with red. "Maybe that's because I care then! Maybe that's why I fucking did it."
Kylie didn't remember what had happened before they fought or why she was livid in the first place, but it probably wasn't of any importance. But what she did remember were the string of words that went straight out of her mouth before she could stop it. "Yeah?" She shouted. "Well maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore!"
What she also remembered was Sam's face after she said it, how his anger was lost and instead it turned into frustration then it turned into a look that Kylie couldn't decipher. His cheeks had turned red and his hands clenched and unclenched as if he couldn't figure out what to do next.
He didn't smile but he didn't frown either. He didn't laugh or shout. He didn't even yell out a string of curse words at her like he usually did when he was pissed at her or at anyone else.
But this was much worse.
Sam nodded and walked away.
They were back again a week later, apologizing immediately and laughing about it the next day. Even though the tension had lessened, Kylie could still see the doubt lingering in his expression. Being angry was like being drunk as some might say, words will spill...and they would always be the truth that you didn't feel you could say.
But if there was one thing she sure of, it would be that Kylie Darthrow will do practically anything to take those words back.
September 17, 2012
It was morning when he had text her with at least fifty smiley emoticons and hearts and told her to get over his house as fast as she could, if able. "Mom," Kylie called from the bottom of the stairs, cutting her mother mid-sentence in the phone. "I'm heading to Sam's house. He might be kidnapped."
Her mother rolled her eyes and shooed her away before grinning once again as she started to chat away with her co-worker about the latest argument she and dad just had a few nights ago.
It was weird how they acted nothing at all happened after they fought. It was always back to normal whenever she entered the picture. They always stopped when she walked into the room. Even till now, they would plaster their bright red faces with sweet smiles. But what they didn't know was how thin the walls were and how she could hear them screaming at the top of their lungs how they wanted a divorce.
It was as if she was the reason why they stuck together in this unhappy union...
Am I the reason?
"Kylie, your father and I will be going to a fundraiser event later tonight. Do you want to come?" She called before Kylie made it to the door.
And if it wasn't her they were acting 'in love' for, it had to be for events like these-where tons of people would be coming with large wallets stuffed into their pockets. Somehow, Kylie had always loved these kind of events though she hated wearing frivolous gowns her mother ordered her to wear because it showed that her parents were not at all that bad...it gave her faith that they may be still 'in love'.
Kylie shrugged, "I'll think about it mom. Got to go."
Kylie walked out the front yard, admiring the little flowers that finally bloomed and the cleanly cut grass that had once reached her knobby knees. She took in the fresh air before walking straight to the car and sliding into the back seat. "Sam's house?" the driver asked, showing his black teeth.
"Yep." She tilted her head and he drove.
Sam's house wasn't that far from hers...if she drove. But when it came to maneuvering a bike or walking, she'd arrive out of breath and ready to kiss life farewell. The fifteen year old sighed and sent him a text that she was on her way.
Just two days ago, she had shouted at Carlos, and now she was heading back there again.
Sam had no idea of the exchange...unless Carlos told him.
She felt her cheeks heat up.
Was this the reason why Sam called her over?
Or was it a different reason?
"Hmm?" She looked up, a blush still painted on her cheeks. "Yes?"
"O-oh... well, I'll just call you when I'm finished." Kylie stumbled out of the car, still in a daze. Staring at Sam's doorstep, she strolled over and gave a tentative knock. The next thing she knew was Sam opening the door, arms circling around her waist and pulling her up from the ground. Her legs swung and her eyes widened as he swung her around like a doll ready to be thrown.
"Ky! You're here."
She blinked once she was placed back on the ground, legs a bit wobbly from the sudden landing. "I'm here," she said, furrowing her eyebrows. "What the heck was that?"
That was when she took a good look at him.
His hair was combed; there were no more spikes poking out like a pineapple. The glazed look in his eyes was gone, but it was replaced with the mischievous glint that he always had when they were kids. The alcohol stench was no longer there and he beamed at her-Sam was actually beaming, teeth all white and shiny. He looked animated. But before she could ask if he was on something, he buried his face into her neck, arms once again around her. "He won't insist on the abortion anymore, Ky," he whispered. "I don't know what the hell got into him, but he said he'd take the next flight to Morocco and smooth things out."
"Seriously? That's great!" Kylie grinned, jumping in delight. Sam's bubbly attitude must have rubbed off on her. "Why couldn't he just bring his girlfriend back here?"
He shrugged as if the thought didn't bother him anymore. "He said she might want some space, and he wanted to patch things up. He'll come back when he's ready and she's ready. He'll try to send pictures, but whatever. They won't abort anymore, Ky!"
And it was that little light in his smile and the jump on his feet that made everything she said somehow worth it. "I'm happy for you, seriously. Where is Carlos anyway?"
"Well, I'm supposed to be packing, but it turns out I have less clothes than I thought I did." The deep voice made Kylie turned around, ears perked up. There he was...he still had a shaggy outlook but, he was smiling-not that sarcastic smile she saw the other day. "Hello Kylie, good to see you. Come to see me fly off?"
"Sam called me here."
"And of course you're here." He tossed Sam a lazy glance. "Hey, could you get me a glass of water, dear crappy brother of mine?"
Even his snide tone didn't ruin Sam's mood. Instead, he bobbed his head happily. "Sure!"
And they were left alone.
Kylie coughed awkwardly, a hand trying to straighten her messy hair. "So...um, well sorry for the other day. I didn't mean what I said of course-it's just that-"
"Heat of the moment, a passionate expression, I get it and it's okay." Carlos smiled and looked out the window, hands sliding into his pockets. "Kind of a wakeup call to be honest. Remind me that I got to call you when I'm facing mid-life crisis."
"So you're not angry or anything? No hard feelings?" She eyed him.
He tilted his head, "How about I give you a deal?"
"What deal?" She crossed her arms, looking at his backpack lying beside his feet.
Carlos smiled, and looked at the kitchen where they could hear a loud splash and faint cursing. "Take care of him, will you? Sam...he's going to need someone like you when he screws up. Someone who can show him what's up, and I couldn't do it all the way from there. Besides, right now wouldn't be the best time to finally act so brotherly."
"As long as you don't get an abortion and you treat the baby right."
They shook hands and started laughing when Sam returned, pants wet because the pitcher had fallen onto him.
Kylie would never forget the deal she made.
She broke it when they fought.
But, she'd follow through with it...just like she had promised.